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should i lighten up?

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Old 04-28-2010, 02:16 PM   #1
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should i lighten up?

ok i am pregnant which makes me have emotions all over the place, i am happy one minute, sad the next and angry in another. my dh does not attempt to console me at all when i go thru a crying spell. am i wrong to think that he should? i have to ask him for a hug or to hold me till i can regain controll of myself. i feel like i am forcing him to help me thru my hormonal outbreaks (as i call them)
should i just deal with my emotions by myself and not expect dh to help or should he be more willing to jump in and make me feel better?

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Old 04-28-2010, 02:35 PM   #2
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Re: should i lighten up?

I'm pregnant too. It's my fourth time around but this time I'm doing it solo. I feel a little more emotional but I have never suffered from anything too extreme like what you are describing. I think I would talk to a counselor or your ob or something because that's not really normal. Teary really easy......that's normal. But being so extremely all over the map is not. Either that......and forgive me for saying this, but it could be sort of a bridezilla complex. In otherwords, this is your time to shine, your baby, your pregnancy, your hormones, and it's your party and your gonna cry if you want to. I've seen it many times before. In which case, no.......there is nothing your husband can do for you that will make you feel any better. If you can take an honest look at yourself and you feel like this might be the case, then definately you need to lighten up on him. Otherwise, I think there is something more wrong with your hormones then just pregnancy that needs medication and counseling possibly. Good luck.

Old 04-28-2010, 03:06 PM   #3
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Re: should i lighten up?

I try to stay away from "should"s. I'm sure your dh wants to be able to help you, but he might feel he doesnt know how. As women we just want to be held and listened to and validated. But men really want to help by fixing. So since he can't fix your emotions, he might feel helpless.
Maybe you could tell him that when you are emotional and feeling that way, you would really love it if he would just hold you and tell you everything will be OK. And that he doesnt have to have an answer, he doesnt even have to talk. Just be there for you.
By the way, Congratulations! (you too, melissa!)

Last edited by River rocks; 04-28-2010 at 03:07 PM.

Old 04-28-2010, 03:26 PM   #4
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Re: should i lighten up?

Guys can be such dolts, sometimes.

You are NOT out of line in asking him to be supportive. He has a 50% responsibility for getting you in your current condition, he should know now that he needs to be an active part of it, through the pregnancy and beyond.

Old 04-28-2010, 11:47 PM   #5
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Re: should i lighten up?

Im pregnant too and this is my 2nd. I was in all kinds of emotions during my first trimester esp with my first pregnancy and I have this huge expections of what my husband should do just like in the movies.

I remember crying like a child when he refused to buy me a cheese burger
at 2 in the morning while it was raining outside coz I was craving for it. Part of me wasnt really hungry but crying for attention and like you said, validation.

But I soon realized how immature I was after all the tears were gone. Gotta fight that crazy hormones or you are susceptible for post partum depression.
My worst scenario is when I was vomiting at 1am emptying everything I ate the whole day and felt like my gut is gonna come out. My hubby came out of the room and closed the doors. I thought he would come and pat my back or get me a glass of water.

Instead of crying, I yelled at him! He apologized and said, he couldnt really stand it and felt like he is going to throw up as well. Hmmm, not buying it but knowing my husband, I've come to deal with my pregnancy the second time around. These hormonal changes are just symptoms and has nothing to do with my marriage. Just like what the other posters said, just tell your hubby if you need a hug/cuddling for whatever. That shouldnt be asking too much.

Oh, after giving birth, dont be surprised if everyone will be more excited to check the nursery than sit next to you and listen while you moan in pain. People bringing gifts and balloons for the baby and not the mommy. That's just how it is! But once you see your baby, you couldnt care less.

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