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vnguyen 05-23-2010 09:04 PM

Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
Okay here is my situation, my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. We are still pretty young, and she wants to find out what else is out there. And let me get this straight, she is not a *****, we lost our virginity to each other and both hold that very important because we both didn't want to until marriage, but .. anyways no more details. Lately she hasn't been feeling the vibe as much and wants to date other guys. Me being a passive guy, said I was okay with it. So she does it.

- Side note: We don't really socialize outside of our relationship, we have friends and all but we don't really go anywhere without each other much. This is the firs ttime she went out with out me in a very very long time.

Back to the information. She went out with her friends and they meet some guys. They start talking and then she said that she met a guy. I was jaw dropped. I flipped and was about to blow a gasket. I wanted to kill someone after that. And ever since she met him they've been talking when I was sleeping and stuff and when I call she doesnt reply or pick up like she usually does. Then they start hanging out I haven't seen her in couple days. Usually we hang out every weekend. She doesn't reply quickly when shes with them. And this is killing me inside, and she said shes hurting too because she doesn't want to let me go but doesnt want me to date other girls at the same time.

I dont want any other girl and could see us getting married and I am so deep into this, a majority of her family knows. And my family knows, I enjoy the company of her family and all. And it really hurts to see that I could lose all of this. I do not know what to do. What do I do, and i keep bringing up the situation when we do talk. Example: Is he better than me? Does he make you happier than I do? What makes him better than me? Stuff like that and she gets mad. I should be the one mad. But I do not want to see the one I love with someone else. She says they are only friends. And that she doesn't want to hop right into another relationship. But idk what to do or think.

Oh and I pay for her phone. She tells me that I should just cut it off. But idk.

goingdaffy 05-23-2010 09:53 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
You probably should have been honest with her and told her you weren't ok with it instead of going along with it. I would tell her immediately that you don't want to share the relationship and be willing to let her go if she continues to see other guys. There's someone else out there for you and if she's this wishy-washy, she'll just keep hurting you. Go find someone who won't treat you like this.

Larrylou'smom 05-23-2010 10:08 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
This is a very unhealthy and very unfair situation. I think you need to stop being so passive and take control of your own happiness.

Obviously, an open relationship is not for you. You don't want to be in a relationship with a woman who is dating other men while you stay home alone eating your heart out, nor should you. That's very unhealthy and incredibly unfair to you. You both are young, and perhaps both of you need to see other people. But if you don't want to be in a relationship with her while she goes off and dates other men, then DON'T. You've heard the saying? If yo love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't it never was. You need to love her enough to let her go. She needs to be free to go and date other men if that's what she feels she needs to do, but she doesn't have the right to hang onto you and expect you not to date other women while she does it. That's called having your cake and eating it too, and that's just not how the world works. Besides, how much respsect do you think she can have for you if you are so willing to let her walk all over you like this, and sit at home while she dates and does who knows what with other guys, driving yourself crazy. If you let her go, then she'll be free to date other men and you can get her out of your mind and get on with your life, because if she's not "yours" anymore, then who she's kissing or making out with is none of your business. But as long she's coming back home to you, it IS your business, and that's what makes it so unhealthy.

If she doesn't feel it for you, letting her walk all over you will not make her stay. She'll find someone else whether you break up with her or not if that's what she's meant to do. You need to do what's best for you, and that's doing what's healthy, and that means stop making yourself crazy over who she's dating or kissing or whatever. Let her go do her thing, and accept that's what she needs to do, and you need to move on with your life, maybe reuniting with her someday, maybe not. But her dating around while hanging onto you while you sit at home alone going crazy is no good. that just needs to stop. Time to grow a pair and stand up for yourself by letting her go, with love and respect for what she needs to do, and respect for yourself as well. No hate, no anger, just letting go and accpeptance for how things have to be, at least for now.

Kszan 05-23-2010 10:18 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
She's not worth it. I'd tell her, go ahead and date other guys but I'm not going to sit around waiting for you!

That's extremely unfair of her to expect you to allow her to go off and do who-knows-what with other guys but she isn't allowing you the same freedom with other girls?! That's a huge double standard and she is a total hypocrite!

Look, you need to dump her. She is showing you now her true character and it's pretty ugly. She's not a good person, in fact she is a mean hypocrite and she obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Why do you want to hold on to someone like that? That's a crappy person and you deserve way better than her!

digmusic 05-23-2010 10:34 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
This is so mean and selfish of her

justkeeppraying 05-24-2010 12:48 AM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
So let's see, she gets to date whomever she wants at anytime, she still gets to keep you, you've given her your 'blessing' to do as she pleases, and you agree to only have eyes for her and not date even though she is... Oh yeah, this arrangement must be really painful for her! :rolleyes: She told you she's hurting?! Hahaha!

She's dating other guys because she wants to see if she finds one she likes more than you. That's why she does not want you to date, because she wants to make sure you stay single so that she can come back later if things don't work out with these other men!! If she finds a guy that she wants, she'll leave you!! I've seen this 100 times. And when you question her and she gets mad, that's just a 'defense reflex'. She knows she's wrong, but she wants to make you feel like you're the one that's wrong. That way, she'll have the upper hand and also control.

She has a wondering eye, so I say, let her wonder!! Let this girl walk, she does not love you, or she would not be acting this way. She has no respect for you either because shes' treating you like a doormat. I can't believe you're letting her! If she genuinely cared for you, she would not have asked you to do this.

della1 05-24-2010 07:53 AM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
I hate to say this, but I think you might have already lost her. This new guy already has too much of her attention.

It seems like she was already pulling away when she said she wanted to start seeing other guys, and now she has. You are watching her start a new relationship with someone else - with your permission...

I feel very bad for you, the situation sounds heartbreaking with no easy solution. Good luck.

vnguyen 05-24-2010 09:37 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
I know I am passive at times. I do restrict her from doing somethings. But I don't know I am pretty much a push over, and I feel that it got the best of me. She still calls me and talks to me over them occasionally. She texts me all the time and sometimes I don't reply just to **** her off. And it works, she keeps on texting and texting me.. But I don't know how am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to feel? Blah. Idk :confused: And if she leaves me, I feel that I lose everything. I don't have many close friends like I used to anymore. I don't enjoy hanging out anymore or anything. =/ confused.

EDC_Light 05-25-2010 08:41 AM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
Dude, . . . . don't feel that your life is over if she leaves. Take control of your life and make something out of it where you don't need another person contingent upon your happiness. You said that you were young, . . . so you cannot know how your life will be, . . . and you have a lot of life ahead, so you'd better make the best of it. If she leaves, . . . take the time to "get over her", then find someone else. You'll feel those feelings again for someone else. It's just the way our brain chemistry works.

Good luck.

rosequartz 05-25-2010 08:47 AM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
stop being her chump!
put your foot down......if she wants to date other people, that's ok, but don't be her safety net.....let her fall and pick herself up

00lady00 05-25-2010 10:57 AM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
This is just a bad situation, you've been together for quite sometime and she decides that she wants to see other people, the problem is this, why don't you have any friends outside of your relationship? that's a big mistake, you need friends, even when you have a significant other, you can't give up your life, a partner can be part of your life but they can't be your life. It's time to give her up and find a life of your own.

EagleRiverDee 05-25-2010 12:53 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
Awww, man. The way I read this, you've lost her interest as her BF. I'm sorry, but that's what's happened. And it is extremely unlikely that she'll get that interest back. About the only shot you have is to cut her off, break up with her, and move on. It's possible that she'll come around and be like, "Wait, he was the best man I could ever hope for" and come back to you. It's unlikely though. And as long as you wait around knowing that she's interested in another guy, and let her walk all over your feelings, you are only causing her to lose more respect for you. And your own self respect is being hurt, also.

caberg 05-25-2010 01:49 PM

Re: Girlfriend wants to find out what else is out there
How old are you?

Most "first" relationships are not the ones that last a lifetime. It takes a few (sometimes many) tries to get it right. It might be hard to see that now, but you'll see it some day.

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