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Old 06-11-2010, 09:40 AM   #1
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stillbright HB User

I'm 20 years old. I have suffered from severe medical issues more than half of my life. I can see why they would be cause for concern, but I've just recently come under a diagnosis that is treatable. Already, in the three weeks since I've started medication, I am improving. It's something that i've never felt before, and i was so excited about it.

I am in love with one of my very close friends. the only reason he will not commit to a relationship with me is because he is worried that, even despite my diagnosis, my health problems are not resolved. I feel unsupported and insecure in that he is so doubtful even when i try to reassure him i'm doing better.

i feel hopeless and like some of that excitement has faded now. he was the person i wanted more than anyone to be happy for me, and to believe in me. and now I am crushed. i feel like this health is a relationship curse. i used to think nobody wanted to be with a sick girl, but a recovering one would have a better chance. i see now that isn't the case, after all.


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Old 06-11-2010, 09:51 AM   #2
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Re: Crushed

what is the illness you're being treated for?

Old 06-11-2010, 10:29 AM   #3
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Re: Crushed

I too have a lot of medical issues. My ex BF acted like he was supportive of me, but then I went into the hospital (after being told I had been 36 hours away from death from septic shock) and while I was in there, my BF got a new GF. A real sweetheart, that one was.

I now am seeing someone who doesn't feel that my health issues define me. He sees me as a fighter and someone who survived even when told I wouldn't. and he sees me as someone who really appreciates life more and loves to have fun. Which I am.

I think you are a strong person, a survivor, and you too sound like you have a new appreciation for life. If this person doesn't see you that way, if they see your health issues as something THEY have to deal with rather than something that's happening to YOU...then they're not someone you can depend on. Stick with your supportive friends and leave this one behind.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

Old 06-11-2010, 10:35 AM   #4
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Re: Crushed

Rosequartz - I suffer from Graves' disease, a severe form of chronic daily migraine, fibromyalgia, a gastrointestinal problem, and four vitamin deficiencies.

Redneon- Thank you. It is such a help to read that there are other people out there like me. I have been giving a lot of thought to what to do with my boy, but I know he has a problem with worrying. I think he may be OCD, which is why I haven't been so quick to write him off. I don't think his worrying about my health is in his entire control, but i do believe it is partly choice whether to believe and be reassured by what I tell him about my improving health. I'm torn. I know he worries because he cares, but I feel at this time his pessimism is bringing me down.

Old 06-11-2010, 06:09 PM   #5
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Re: Crushed

I didn't read any of the posts, so forgive me if I repeat, but true love doesn't know any boundries. It really and truely is there in sickness and in health, in bad times and good, and if he really loved you, there would be no "fear" of a commitment. I think he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you he's not interested in anything more then a friendship. And I know that's not what you want to hear, and I'm sorry it's so blunt, but there is only so much padding you can put around an answer while trying to keep it two paragraphs or less! lol.

I think your probably made of pretty good stuff. And if your recovering, dont let this guy bring you down. This is a second chance, a fresh start, a whole new beginning! So make your mind up now that you are going to grab life by the horns, and make the absolute best of it! Find somebody who loves you back, and I guarantee he's out there somewhere. It's hard to see it, I know, when your stuck on someone else......but there are 10 million people in our country alone. There is bound to be at least one who is compatible with you! And maybe the most important thing right now isn't for you to have a boyfriend. Maybe your purpose is something completly different. I have no idea, but I do know that you will never find out until you cut the dead weight lose!

On a lighter note...I'm so happy your feeling better! I hope that it continues and you make a complete recovery and stay healthy and happy for many years to come! Best of luck to you!

Old 06-14-2010, 12:21 PM   #6
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Re: Crushed

You don't want a man that's not going to be there for you. He's showing you and telling you this.

It's hard to get past the hurt of it and see what the truth of this really is. The truth is this man is selfish and doesn't want to "deal" with anything that isn't going smoothly. This isn't about you .... It's about him.

This isn't a guy you want in your life. He may not bail right away but he will when the going gets rough.

This isn't you.... this is HIM.

Old 06-15-2010, 07:25 AM   #7
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Re: Crushed

Gotta agree totally with Cathy1. "in sickness and in health..."

Since you like this friend, and he knows about some of your issues, I'd go ahead and be open and upfront with him. Tell him that they are things you have to live with, but are treatable.

I've sworn off relationships because of a period of back surgeries that took me out of life for over 5 years. I'm recovered, but know that I'm not as physically strong as I used to be. I like a young lady now, and need to live up to my own advice.

Good luck with you and yours.


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