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    Old 06-25-2010, 07:59 PM   #1
    cro
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    Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Hello, everyone. I'm new to this site and wanted to share my story, with hopes of some insight. Please pardon its long length. Here is my story:

    My boyfriend and I had been together for 7 months. (I am 30 and he is 39. He will be 40 in November and never married and has no children.) I live in Atlanta and he lives in Boston. However, we have seen each other every two to three weeks and sometimes even more frequently than that! We met through a mutual friend over a year ago and our relationship developed last November. Our relationship progressed in such a wonderful way. We knew after a few months that we wanted something more! In fact, HE was the one who initiated talk of us marrying, where we would honeymoon, etc, etc, etc. He asked me to move up to Boston by the end of the summer and told me to tell my parents that a ring would follow! So, I started looking for jobs in Boston. We have met each other's families and close friends and all went well on both fronts. I was convinced that I'd found my soul-mate and I was sure he felt the same way.

    Even though the relationship was long distance, we resonated very well with each other. Everything came so naturally! He had a high profile, well-paying job that he loved with a college but the entire staff was dismissed earlier this Spring out of the blue. He was worried for a while but optimistic that he'd find a new job and he did (he found a new job with another college in late May.) Though it didn't pay nearly as much as his former job, he was still optimistic. And, he received a great severance package and, well, the point I'm trying to make is, my ex was not a guy who was hurting for money. But, that's not the "bad" part.

    In April, I found out I was pregnant. I was SHOCKED, scared and so depressed! I was on birth control when we conceived so needless to say it was not planned. Even though I am 30, stable and relatively settled, and he is 39, VERY successful in his career and financially and emotionally stable (or so I thought "emotionally stable"), having a child was the last thing on my mind. The first thing that I thought was "I must have an abortion!", but I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did that to my child. Plus, my boyfriend loved me SO much! We'd talked about children and having them after marriage so if I were to abort his child I knew he would go through the roof and never talk to me again. I didn't tell him about the pregnancy for over a week and decided to fly to Boston to tell him.

    At first, he was very excited! He was very nonchalant and calmed my fears. He said that he "couldn't think of anyone else" he'd rather have a child with than me and we discussed me moving to Boston and living with him to raise our child. He even told me that he'd prefer me to stay at home with the child instead of resorting to daycare while he worked to provide for us. He also said that he wanted us to have another child in a couple of years because he didn't believe that a child should be an only-child. It all seemed like a fairy tale! He looked me in the eyes and told me that "Everything will be ok because we love each other." However, for the next 4 weeks that lead up to my "confirmation" appointment with my OBGYN, he didn't want to talk about the baby. When I would bring it up, he would question me. "How could this happen? What if you're not really pregnant? You were on birth-control, after all." Even though I'd explained to him that I'd taken SIX pregnancy tests, it didn't register with him. AND THIS IS A 39 YEAR OLD MAN???!! To me it seemed as if he were in denial. When I would tell him about my stomach cramps, he would exclaim "See, you're cramping! It's your period coming, you're not pregnant!!" I could barely believe it! Basically he wanted us to wait until my doctor's appointment (which was a month later) for official confirmation and THEN we could discuss it. He said that after we had confirmation, we could go out and "celebrate and then think of baby names!" Until then, to avoid further upsetting him, I walked on eggshells and avoided talking about the baby. For the next month, I thought about the baby CONSTANTLY but couldn't even bring it up around him. When I felt sick and weak, I didn't dare tell him so. I felt that I was doing it all alone.

    A month later, on May 7, he flew down to be with my at the confirmation appointment. I was so happy! My man was supporting me and our child! I thought things would be ok. Still, 2 hours before the appointment, he barely spoke of it so I brought it up. I asked him how we would raise the baby and he said "Well, baby I support whatever you choose. You dont have to KEEP the baby!" I couldn't believe it! Here he was suggesting that maybe I could have an abortion. Then he went on to say that if I kept the child, he didn't know how "active" he could be in its life because he travels so much for work. Then he went on to say "I mean, I really don't know where this relationship is going anyway." I felt numb. Up until this time he's talked about marriage with me, and kids, and OUR future together and now he says "I don't know where this is going."?????? I felt like trash! I didn't even want him to go with me at that point! We went to the appointment and he didn't even want to come back to see the ultrasound or meet the doctor who'd be delivering his child. The 3 hour appointment was the loneliest of my life. To make matters worse, he would text me constantly as I sat in the waiting area for my doctor (while he sat in reception) asking if I'd been seen by the doctor yet, as he was growing impatient.

    The outcome of the appointment was crushing: In short, the doctor told me that I was going to have a miscarriage. I was supposed to be nine weeks pregnant but the fetus didn't look developed past 3 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I felt a part of me die when she told me that. For over a month, I was anxious, nervous, and so scared, but I'd accepted the fact that I was going to become a mother, and now THIS? I wanted to die. I wanted my baby. As I went to another room for a more advanced ultrasound, I told him the news but he was too occupied with his iPhone and texting business associates looking for a new job and talking to them about prospects. When I came back from the second ultrasound to complete bloodwork, he stopped me and in front of the office staff asked "How much longer?" as he was on the phone. I almost killed him. To top that off, as we are driving out of the parking garage, he turns to me and says "You know, I had my back up against the wall. A lot of colleges like small Catholic colleges wouldn't hire me if I had a child out of wedlock, you know?" Why didn't I hurt him right then and there?!!!! He flew back to Boston 2 days later.

    When he got back, I barely heard from him. We went from texting and calling about EVERY little thing, every single day to me not hearing from him? My miscarriage began 5 days after the doctor's appointment and I will spare you all with the details of that horrible experience. I have never been in so much physical and emotional pain in my life. And, I had a natural miscarriage so it feels even worse. Though he's in Boston, shouldn't have called me EVERY DAY to see how I am? In the 5 days since he'd been back in Boston, I only heard from him twice. When I told him about the pain I was in and that the miscarriage had begun, he responded "Oh, I'm so sorry!" It was as if I was a burden to him. We never even discussed the miscarriage together.

    In conclusion, over the next month, I barely heard from him. I was trying to give him "space" thinking he was trying to adjust to a new job but he never gave a DAMN about me! I cried for him when he lost his job but he never cried for me! I loved and needed him! Even if he didn't want the baby, I unfortunately had a miscarriage... Shouldn't he be "relieved" (for lack of a better word) that the pregnancy is no more? Does he blame me for getting pregnant? Why do I feel so guilty?

    He would go days and days without contacting me so 2 weeks ago I called to discuss the bills from the miscarriage that he said he'd pay. I asked him, "Baby, what's wrong? Something is up." and he said "I've been meaning to talk to you. I just can't do this. The distance and everything, and well, I'm not ready to take that next step and have you move here." I was crushed. I saw this coming but still I was crushed. In one month, I lose him and my baby. OUR baby. I went in circles with him. I told him that I didn't need to move to Boston now or even this year! We could stay in the relationship and see where things go! One month prior he wanted to marry me and now he didn't feel committed to take that next step and have me move there? I wasn't asking for marriage, I was only asking for him! I even told him that I'd move there, get my own place and that way he wouldn't feel "responsible" for my well-being if things went bad. He didn't even want that. I couldn't believe what was happening. He didn't even have the nerve to tell me this face-to-face after ALL we'd been through. How could he leave me in my most desperate time of need???

    I felt myself starting to cry but I stayed strong. I raised my voice and told him that he wasn't making sense. How can you say you couldn't see yourself without me and all of a sudden "Poof! I don't want you anymore?!!" I wished him luck and hung up the phone in anger. The bad part is, I wish I hadn't done that. I wanted to call him back and tell him one thing: I'd never gotten a chance to tell him how he made me feel like a dog in that doctor's office. I don't know if I'll ever get that chance.

    Where do I go from here? What do you guys think is his problem? I didn't get pregnant on purpose. Where did I go wrong? Not only and I trying to grapple with the loss of my baby, but now I'm having to go through the misery of losing this great man that I loved too? That's not right!!! I don't know what to do.

    Do you think if I lived there or if he lived in my city this would have happened? Is he using the distance as a cop-out? Should the fact that he's almost 40 and never married have been a red sign to me? I need closure and even though it's been 2 weeks, I'm afraid I'll never talk to him again! I feel that I at least deserve face-to-face closure. I want to write him and ask if we can meet either in his city or mine. Do you think this is wrong? I feel as if I'm falling apart.

    Finally, let me say that I know that from this post I may sound "needy/clingy" but I assure you I am not. I was carrying this man's child and that completely changes a woman's emotions. If I hadn't been pregnant, perhaps these feelings wouldn't be so strong. I've been seeing a counselor through all of this but I just need some more guidance. Suggestions?

     
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    Old 06-26-2010, 08:32 AM   #2
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    I'm so sorry that you had a miscarriage. Through that tragic situation it gave your boyfriend a chance to prove that he was unable/unwilling to commit to the next step in your relationship. Obviously your pregnancy threw him for a loop.
    It's fruitless to take guesses about why he did what he did. All I know is that you deserved better, and I am betting that you will GET better when you fall in love again.
    Sometimes it takes dramatic circumstances to show the world what we are made of.
    Your man got scared and his love for you could not override his fright about the life change. Some people expect the world to turn on their schedule. It doesn't.

    I'm glad that you're getting professional help. In my opinion, having only heard one side of the story....I don't believe you've done anything wrong.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 08:33 AM   #3
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Forgive me, I don't want to seem insensitive, but you say he's such a great guy? I don't see exactly what's so great about him. You've only known him 7 months, and that's a short enough time for a guy play a part and pretend to be someone he isn't. It sounds like he enjoyed having you on a part time basis and started all that lovey dovey "let's move in together" BS because he thought that's what you wanted to hear, but it obviously was not what he really wanted or where he was headed. He was just having fun, then when the baby came, it all just got too "real" too fast.

    Please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, it wasn't anything you did or didn't do, no strategic miscalculation. He just wasn't as into you as he was pretending to be.

    Right now you need to deal with the loss of your child, and mourn properly. You need to take some time and focus on that. Forget about him, kick him out of your head, because he's just not worth it. Take care of you.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 08:34 AM   #4
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    First, you have been through the mill and it's painful to even read your story. I can't imagine how you must feel having experienced this first hand.

    Everyone lives their lives very differently but for me, 7 months and long distance sums up the only place the relationship, not you, went wrong. When people rush into committing to each other after only a very short time, it's a long shot. You didn't know him. You came to know him, but only after both of you had your backs to the wall. And then you learned who he really was.

    Long distance and 7 months does not allow the room for you to see on a regular basis who he was. People can be whatever they want to show for short windows of time. If you'd moved to Boston, not had the pregnancy, and lived together for 6 months, the relationship very likely would have still ended. Then you would have seen his issues up close, in a less pressure cooked atmosphere and you would have had time to ease into accepting he was a mistake. This all came at you like a brick wall.

    Not sure if he has committment issues. I don't think that's relevant. You just didn't know him.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 09:24 AM   #5
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Thanks everyone for your responses so far! This has been a big help.

    Just to address a couple of things:

    Larrylou - You're right, he's not a "great" person, I just thought he was up until that doctor's appointment. Everything about him was nearly perfect up until then in my eyes. I promise you I didn't have the wool pulled over my eyes because there were some red flags that concerned me, I can't lie. He told me that he suffers from severe anxiety (and had a full-blown anxiety attack last August that resulted in him having to be rushed to the hospital) and he takes a medication for this. Now, I don't run away or pass judgment on those with anxiety disorders, but I wished I'd read more on the subject and noted (as my doctor pointed out to me) that sometimes those who suffer from anxiety have commitment issues. I'm just reflecting on hindsight.

    Another red flag was the way that he described his all of his exes as being "psycho". Now, surely ALL of the women that he dated couldn't have been this way. I wanted to ask him once, "What does that say about YOU that you always seem to attract and date psycho women?!!" Also, when I asked him if he ever considered or discussed marriage with any of his exes, he said "Heck no!" and told me I was the only one he'd considered marrying. I found this to be a little odd given that he's 40 and never once considered marriage with anyone??? Plus he has 2 parents that have been married for almost 50 years, AND has 4 siblings who are all married and have children that he adores. (I only note this to show that this isn't someone who comes from a broken home who could possibly be scared of commitment because of it.)

    Braveheart, you're right- He just dropped the ball. All I know is that when the going got tough, he got going. And resolution, you're right as well. I have wondered if we were living in the same city and this pregnancy wouldn't have happened if he would have left me? Probably so, but who knows. I also agree that even if the pregnancy didn't happen and I did move there, that his true self would have manifested itself in some other way.

    If you find out that the woman you claim to love is going to miscarry your child and your first comments driving away from the hospital are "A lot of schools wouldn't have hired me if I had a child out of wedlock." then obviously you're a selfish person that is only concerned about your well-being and not hers. I wish I were stronger at that moment and walked away from him then.

    You know, I have 2 extremely good friends who are dating and their LDR started out on more dramatic terms- He lived in Italy and she lived in Canada. They dated long-distance for a year (only seeing each other 4 times over the course of that year) before she moved to Italy to be with him. They've lived together there for 2 years now and got engaged 2 months ago. And, one of his brothers dated his now wife for 4 years long distance and it worked out great! I don't know what point I'm trying to make here, but I guess I'm trying to say that LDR can work and if he really wanted ours to work it could have. So the fact that he used the distance as an excuse/reason for the break-up is silly to me.

    But in all honesty, I don't think the problem in my story was our long distance- it was his character. I could have lived down the street from him and he still would have acted the way he acted about the pregnancy. The past week I've been running around in circles wondering if I'd just moved there if it would make things "better"? I think not.

    They say that you must learn something from every relationship and not everyone is usually completely at fault for its demise. What I have learned/claim fault with myself is here: I was a pushover at times for this man. I didn't express my feelings at times in an effort to spare his. Even when I was going through this most difficult time, I still walked on eggshells as not to upset HIM. I will never do this again. And, in hindsight, perhaps I have some self-confidence issues that I need to work on myself if I have allowed someone to treat me like this.

    I wonder if he ever even cared for me at all? Sometimes I feel as if these few months have been one big lie. I may never know. But I'm taking steps towards heling. Thanks again, guys!!

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 01:08 PM   #6
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Cro -
    Hon, I meant that you would have left him. I really think that if you'd had more 1-on-1 direct time, you would have seen elements of him he was able to keep hidden and YOU would have decided that YOU didn't want him.

    And that comment about all of his ex's being phycho's. Dead on. People need to listen to that. If you start to date someone who's had multiple phycho ex's, something's wrong somewhere. Not saying to dump and run, but keep your eyes open and take it slow.

    Good luck to you.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 06:01 PM   #7
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Ah, gotcha, Resolution! I totally agree with you. His character would've revealed itself eventually, even if the pregnancy wasn't in the picture.

     
    Old 06-27-2010, 12:19 PM   #8
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    I am so sorry you had to go through this dear. You deserve much better - and one day you will find it, I promise.

    I feel that you didn't really know this man and this part of him would have come out eventually. The long distance probably made it hard to get to know every detail of this guy - the good, bad, and the ugly. This is why dating someone for awhile (and in my opinion, living together) is so important. The longer you are with someone, you learn more about them. What they are like under very stressful situations, how they spend their money, how they treat children or even animals. You want to see your partner in all different situations before you commit to them forever.

    I know this was so painful. The only good out of this is that you didn't uproot your life for this man and marry him too. You are still at home and I hope you have very supportive family to help you through this. Stay strong and I wish the best for you.

     
    Old 06-27-2010, 01:48 PM   #9
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Thanks so much, BK. As hard as it has been, I'm slowly accepting the fact that I didn't really know this man as I thought I did. No one ever wants to accept the fact that they were wrong about something but, I must.

    You know, I can get over him and I am. The only thing I want is one more chance to tell him how he made me feel at that doctor's appointment. I don't want him back at all, I just want one more chance to tell him off! Why do we feel like we HAVE to have the last word all of the time? This is what I'm mainly struggling with.

     
    Old 06-28-2010, 04:34 AM   #10
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Actually cro, I think it's healthy you want to tell him off. It shows your hurt has turned to anger, and that is very healing. I think you have every right to get your last word in. You were too nice to him. I can see him contacting you in a few months to make nice. Maybe he will be feeling lonely one day soon and need to talk, and then you can give it to him!
    Best of luck, you are a strong woman!

     
    Old 07-14-2010, 10:16 PM   #11
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Ok guys, an updated on my story. Could you give me more advice to this?:

    I've come to the conclusion that as commitment loomed, my ex-boyfriend ran like a scared kitten. I've been depressed not only over losing him but over the miscarriage, too. He ran and abandoned me. And he had the audacity to do it over the phone.

    I've gone NC for a full 4 weeks and was starting to feel strong. I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again and was making peace with it. Then, out of nowhere, he calls yesterday to say that "He was thinking of me, and hadn't talked to me in a while and wanted to see how I was doing." He said that he was in California for business and that he'd try me back later on that night or the next day. Well, he didn't call me that night and he didn't call me tonight as promised.

    My question is this: What could he want? Should I call him back or wait for him to call again as he said? Why would he care how I'm doing?!!! He wanted me out of his life and I gave him his cowardly out. Do you think possibly he's rethinking his actions? I just need to know if he'll call again because I want to talk to him and let him know that I am doing just great without him. Also, to the dumpers, why would you contact an ex to see "how they're doing"?! Do you just need to have your own ego stroked? Since he contacted me 4 weeks after the fact, does this mean he may be reconsidering things? I just really want to know if I should call him back.

    Any insights, esp. from the male perspective, would be great. Thanks, everyone!

     
    Old 07-15-2010, 06:10 AM   #12
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Belly Kelly View Post
    Actually cro, I think it's healthy you want to tell him off. It shows your hurt has turned to anger, and that is very healing. I think you have every right to get your last word in. You were too nice to him. I can see him contacting you in a few months to make nice. Maybe he will be feeling lonely one day soon and need to talk, and then you can give it to him!
    Best of luck, you are a strong woman!
    Well, I called it - that he might be feeling lonely one day soon and will call! See....I told ya! ha ha!

    On a serious note - you now have CONTROL in this relationship. His message should have been, "I am a dope and am very sorry for everything I did....."


    Stop letting him control your feelings and confusing you more. You deserve better girlfriend!

    And NO NO NO, you should NOT call him back. Aren't you still sick and angry over what he did?

    Last edited by Belly Kelly; 07-15-2010 at 06:11 AM.

     
    Old 07-15-2010, 09:28 AM   #13
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    Re: Dumped after my miscarriage. Does he have commitment issues?

    What good would getting in contact with him bring?

    Remember how awful he treated you at the doctor's office, you were having a miscarriage and he was concerned about his job?? Remember how insensitive and cowardly he is when he stopped contacting you and broke up?

    Why would you even consider wanting to talk to him? Un less you only want to talk to him to tell him off. That is the only thing I can see that would make sense.

    I am happy to hear that you are getting better, and recovering from such a traumatic time. How painful. Please don't let this moron weazle his way back into your affections.

     
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