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  • Cheated on depressed BF: what now?

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    Old 09-11-2010, 09:28 AM   #1
    ccfalcon's Avatar
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    Cheated on depressed BF: what now?

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year after leaving a 9 year relationship. His ex cheated on him 4 times and he is an ex-heroin addict. They did heroin together and kicked it together. They were broken up for 6 months before he started dating me. I promised I would never cheat on him like his ex. He has erectile dysfunction that I didn't understand because I had regular sex with my ex-husband. He said he stopped having sex with his ex a few months before they "officially" broke up. Her cheating didn't start until they stopped having sex. I didn't find this out until after I cheated on him myself. I didn't have sex with this other guy but I kissed him and let him touch me. I didn't like it, but I wanted so much for someone to tell me I was beautiful and that they were turned on by me. I love my boyfriend, want to be with my boyfriend, and don't want to be with anyone else, but he does not like to communicate with me unless he is drunk. Before that happened my self esteem had bottomed out because we weren't having sex and when I tried to talk about it he got defensive and told me to go find someone who would give me what I wanted. Instead of leaving the relationship I hooked up with this other guy, but looking back I felt like I was on auto pilot. I believe that cheating is immoral and managed not to cheat until this relationship. After the whole cheating drama I completely snapped. I felt disembodied and my boyfriend gave me the number of his psychiatrist. I found out I am bipolar and am on meds now. He took me back, but now he is off his depression meds and in a deep depression. He is worried that two depressed people can't live together, but I am working hard to stay busy and cheerful despite his dark mood. I can't help but feel that I am responsible for his depression getting worse even though he tells me he loves me wants me around as long as I want to stay. My fear is that he won't get better with me around, but I want to figure out a way for us to survive this. He said he thought his life was finally "ok" after he got with me up until I cheated. Now he says that he will always doubt our relationship because couples can't stay together after one of them cheats. How can we survive this? I want to so badly.

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    Old 09-11-2010, 09:22 PM   #2
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    Re: Cheated on depressed BF: what now?

    Even though cheating is very wrong, sometimes people make mistakes. All you can really do is show him that you are commited and truely regret your actions. It is possible for someone to mend trust after it is broken. It is really difficult and lots of times doesn't work but if you are willing to put the effort forth and show him what he means to you maybe you can get it back. I really hope that you and your bf can help eachother through your pains. A good support system is really what both of you need.

    Old 09-13-2010, 07:39 AM   #3
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    Re: Cheated on depressed BF: what now?

    If he can't get passed it then it is best for you both to move on.

    Old 09-18-2010, 02:51 PM   #4
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    Re: Cheated on depressed BF: what now?

    It must be very difficult for two people in your situations to live happily together but I believe that it is possible, but only if you really love each other. You have to ask yourself if you want to be with him for the rest of your life and if you are willing to do what it takes to make it work. I think that you are stronger than you think that you are. You might think that you can't do anything to help him but you aren't powerless.

    The thing you need to work on now is rebuilding trust between the both of you. He needs to trust that you will not cheat on him again and you need to trust that he loves you even if he isn't able to show it the way you want him to. The only way to do that is through communication. You say that getting him to open up has been an issue but I'm sure you already know that communication is very important.Be honest with him and tell him your fears.

    I can tell you that it is not easy to build trust with someone who has been hurt in the past. I've been working on it for over a year with my boyfriend and even though I have never violated his trust we still aren't where we need to be for him to feel completely safe.

    I hope that the two of you can talk to each other openly and figure out how to make things right.

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    bipolar, cheating, depression, erectile dysfunction, relationship problems

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