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  • Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

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    Old 09-14-2010, 12:25 AM   #1
    criantllo
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    Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    It might be long, but try to hang in there with me.

    So it all started when she had a feeling that she was pregnant. I had a pregnancy test in my car from when she thought she was pregnant before, but this time, it was positive. We went out to buy another test just to make sure, and of course it came out positive again. Right after the test was taken, she asked me what we should do, and at this time I was a little shocked, so I wasn't thinking clearly, and I told her the decision is up to her. She decided we aren't ready for a baby, and that she didn't want her mom to know, for some reason, I agreed. Now, before this all happened, we were having the absolute BEST relationship I could ever ask for. I would see her almost every day, and we'd spend most of her days off going out and having fun. After she found out she was pregnant, I figured out the most likely day that it happened, because well, we hadn't had sex any other time that month except for that day. So by now, I believe she is around 9-10 weeks pregnant depending on when the egg actually implanted itself. So back to the story, things were going great, and I had absolutely no complains at all. All of a sudden, she started getting really distant as far as sitting next to each other, holding hands, kissing, talking, being intimate goes. As the days went on, it got worse. She finally told me that she needed some time alone, and well, I have never been in this situation before, so of course me being a guy, I was automatically confused as to what was going on. I started doing some research online and found arrows that pointed to hormones. So I decided to let her get some space between us, and started only picking her up from work, then dropping her off at her house, then going back home to mine. So things were going "okay" up to that point, then one day I figured I would ask her if she were in the mood to do anything, and she snapped and told me she was irritated and disgusted by me, she didn't want to kiss me or even see me. That day was rough, and we said a lot of things that probably shouldn't have been said. She told me that she believes we started the relationship off wrong and believes that we shouldn't have spent so much time together. I told her that I will be as supportive as I can, and she told me that our relationship was on thin ice, due to us "starting off wrong". Ever since I found out she was pregnant, I've tried to be as happy as I could when I saw her, I've tried to bring her food at work, after work, etc, I'd bring her soup and crackers because I know that she loves the soup and crackers from subway, and I also read that it helps settle her stomach. I've tried so hard to make it pleasant for her, even to the point where I'd just drop her off at her house and go home, even though doing that hurts me so much because there is nothing I'd love more than to be there with her and help her as much as I can. So after she told me that our relationship was on thin ice, but we'll try again, I found out that it was her day off the following day, so I texted her "hi" but got no reply, so I said "I understand you want your space, so if you want to talk to me or see me, please let me know" she replied an hour later saying "I would have texted you or gave you a call, just cool it down" and i said that I was sorry, and hoped she has a nice day, so she told me Its cool just forget it. That was probably my mistake too as she should be getting some space away from me right now. EDIT: She believes the relationship started off wrong because we always hung out, but isn't that how the start of relationships are supposed to be, in order to build up our trust between each other? Before she was pregnant she didn't complain at all, she would call me to come over all the time.

    So my questions are:

    Do you believe that these are truly her hormones causing her to act this way, or is this really the way she feels towards me?

    She wants her space, and some time to herself, and I completely understand, and would like nothing more than to give it to her. Should I still pick her up from work and drop her off and leave? Or should I opt to have someone else do that for me, though I do love seeing her for just a short period of time, I don't know if that will make her anymore distant from me.

    If all this is due to her hormones, when can I expect it to end?
    I told her I'd try my best to make it work by getting enough jobs, and only going to school part time so i can take care of the baby so she wont have to worry about it much, but she states that she just doesn't think she's ready and she doesnt want to have to think about the baby when shes out. She then got really mad and irritated with me, so I just dropped the topic because I don't want our relationship to get any worse. Who knew having a baby was so complicated. Before she got pregnant, we were the happiest couple ever, or at least I was truely happy, I just want things to go back to normal.

    Also, later on in the day, when we were talking, she stated "I love being alone" cuz i've been giving her space to herself .. is she really gonna leave me now ? cuz shes getting comfortable just being alone

    And last but not least, would it be possible for her to lose feelings for me and gain them for another during a pregnancy ? Thank you for all your help. I'm so devastated.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 09-19-2010 at 04:13 AM. Reason: Disallowed topic removed.

     
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    Old 09-14-2010, 01:14 AM   #2
    writeleft
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Criantllo, welcome to the boards,
    I hope we can help you.

    First of all, please take a big breath and relax a bit. You are facing a huge event in your life, as well as the lives of your girlfriend and the unborn child. In fact, from here on out, it is the child's best interest that must be considered first. You must take on the position of father-to-be, and whether or not your girlfriend continues to "need her space", you will still be the babies father. You will have legal rights the moment the baby is born. Of course, the ultimate goal is to get you two back together, if possible.

    AS far as your questions go:
    1. Hormones: Upon becoming pregnant, a woman is instantly under the influence of powerful hormones that effect each woman differently. In her case, this could very well be her reactions to everything that has happened. She could be reflecting a bit of anger towards the pregnancy at you by holding herself back from you. She could be punishing both of you for letting this happen. Of course, all these things are psychosomatic, she does not mean them.

    The same thing happened to me 26 years ago. My first reaction was shock, real shock. I also needed to think this through, on my own too. I am sure i said things that I didn't mean.

    My best advice is to remain yourself, do what you can that feels right to you. Start doing some research, like you are here, into your rights. Encourage positive interactions with her, whatever they might be. Protect her from stress, and any other situations that might be bad for her. Buy yourselves a maternity book and read it together. Look into doctors, and classes for expectant parents. By showing you are a proactive and interested father should show her how you feel. Plus, the more you offer her to ease her mind of all the stressfulness of pregnancy, the more she will need you and love you.

    You can slip some of the things I mentioned on the seat of your car when you pick her up. Hopefully they will lead to some quality conversation. Keep us posted, I wish you the best!

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 01:36 AM   #3
    criantllo
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Thank you so much for your reply. I was wondering if you could go into more detail with your situation if it's not too much trouble ? How did you end up ? I really don't want her to have an abortion but I don't see any way to convince her otherwise. It's been so hard on me not to see her .. I haven't seen her for 4 days now, and she barely started texting me. Even through the texts, i can feel a cold distance between us. I've been breaking down every day, and finding it harder and harder to cope with the distance between us. If you've ever wanted to see a grown man cry, feel free to come to my house, especially when i'm texting her .. even if the conversation is in a happy tune, i can't help but to get watery eyes because i miss her so much .. i wish there was just a magic pill that'll make her act how she was before all of this. or a time machine maybe ?

    I just don't know anymore. I hope her hormones fade away enough during the second trimester so she can finally start making rational decisions asfar as our relationship and baby goes. I love her to death, and i'm at the point where i've never been before .. i've never had to smoke so much, or needed someone so badly .. has anyone else done this to their boyfriends then regretted it later, and possibly gotten back with them ?

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 01:55 AM   #4
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Criantllo,

    I am so sorry to hear how sad you are, I can feel it in your words...I would be glad to tell you about my experience.

    This was 26 years ago as I mentioned before, and I was only 22 years old. I was living on my own, on the beach, having a great life. One day on my way to the beach, I met some neighbors, and one of them turned out to be Sam, lets say.

    Sam and I lived in two very different lifestyles, but that's what I liked, I thought. We dated for a year, having a great time and then boom, pregnant. I clearly remember being in shock, and full of fright, about the whole thing. That idea of liking to date someone so different from me began to swirl around, and I wasn't sure he was the right guy. As much as I wanted to become a mother, this was not the time or the place in my life. For one thing, my parents were crushed. The day we told them, my mother said "This is the worst day of my life". That shot any self esteem I had. I went thorugh the whole thing in a state of confusion, and was unable to enjoy my pregnancy becasue of all the commotion. As time went on, we decided that we would get married, as he was Catholic. Again, not my choice, but I went with it. We got married in December, and I gave birth in May to a healthy baby. He was a joy to both of us, and after about a year, we returned to our previous living arrangement, but co-parented the baby.

    The father eventually moved back to his family, and my son went back to meet his 9 aunts and uncles, plus their wives and cousins galore. He is now all gorwn up and we both love him immensely.

    I eventually had another son, who is now 16, whom I have raised by myself, as his dad is a complete deadbeat, and will not contribute to his only son's life. You just never know!

    There is no question that I would have rathered had a loving and loyal man at my side, a dad is so important.

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 02:45 AM   #5
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    So, things would have worked out between you if he was more caring? I'm 100% sure that I want to have a baby with her, and I'm willing to do what it takes to make things work out. I don't believe that either of us should be raising a baby as a single parent, and I told her I would be there for her no matter what. I hope that by sticking it through with her til the very end will snap her back to her senses and realize that what she's been telling me has been wrong, and that she didn't mean it. I hope that all this can be chalked up to just hormones raging throughout her body right now. I read cases where when there's too many hormones going through the body, the mother would lose her appetite in the first trimester, and she told me today that she hasn't been eating a lot at all, and she was wondering when her appetite would start raging, so I do believe that she has more hormones going through her than a normal pregnant woman would, and I hope that is the cause of her being so irrational. I just hope that if we make it to the second trimester, and we still have the baby (meaning she hasn't aborted it yet), the hormones would die down, and she would be able to think more rationally towards the baby, and our future together. If anyone can put some insight into this hormone issue, I would gladly take a look at your advice, or any stories you have to tell They help cheer me up .. thanks for sharing with me writeleft, it really helps and I truely appreciate it.

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 04:00 AM   #6
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    She's scared! I went through this with my first one....really really bad. My husband wasn't my husband yet. We were just dating. We did everything together, used to hang out, had a great time and everything. But when i found out I was pregnant, I couldn't stand the site of him, and I wished that none of it would have happened. I didn't want him to touch me, talk to me, or come anywhere near me. But eventually, I became more used to the idea, and calmed down. We stuck things out, got a place together, and got married after the baby came. I dont know if I truely loved my husband when I first got pregnant. I think we were in a relationship and I felt expected to say it, but never knew the understanding behind it. I mistook puppy love for real love in the beginning, and when reality hit, it freaked my little world right out! But the real love grew. We had my son, and then two more, and had a really good marraige. I cant say how it will go for your girlfriend, but I think she is scared to death that she has gotten into this situation unprepared. It's not exactly the kind of situation you can just make go away. If she says she needs space, I would give it to her but find nice ways to let her know your there. Good luck.

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 06:15 AM   #7
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Welcome and I am so sorry to see you having to endure this! As mentioned hormones can do lots of crazy things to us. I think you are doing right by letting your girlfriend know that you are there for her and willing to support her and baby by whatever means you have to do to make ends meet.

    She may just be needing this time to let the whole idea of the pregnancy actually sink in. Even though she hasn't been allowing you into her space yet I do hope she has a good support network of friends and family, this is always an immense help. Just keep letting her know you are there for her. When the pregnancy progresses more and she has accepted it she may realize that she does want your help, needs it for the sake of whats best for baby. And once the baby is born you do have rights as a father. I'm sure it can't be easy to be in your shoes, I too feel how sad you are over all this. Just keep persevering, I hope everything goes well for you. Take care

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 01:46 PM   #8
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Thank you guys for your input. ive been doing research outside of this website too, and found hundreds of cases where women would feel like theyre not in love with thier boyfriends/husbands and end up being really mad and leaving them. I guess this is all part of the process of being pregnant, and I'm trying my hardest to understand the situation. although i must say, this is so hard to endure, even the thought of someone i love, not being able to love me is extremely hard on my emotions, and i Don't exactly know how to cope with it even though I'm 95% sure its her hormones. A thought keeps going through my mind of "What if for now she feels like she doesnt love me, then finds another guy .. " its so hard when theres no love at all coming from her, and her telling me that our relationship is on thin ice. I havnt seen her in 4 days, but today is our "monthaversary" so i feel the need to buy her something nice and taking her out to eat. I hope that she accepts my gesture, and maybe, just maybe, some of her feelings will come back for me ? am i wrong to think that another guy might come along or am i just paranoid because my last gf left me for another ? who knew life was so tough

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 03:25 PM   #9
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Well i for one do not think it's hormones. I think it's shock. People love to blame things on hormones as if we are in no control over our emotions. I really think she's scared right now and not really sure what she wants. It's going to take some time for her to figure that out. For me, I just knew that I wanted my baby to be happy, and that's how i ended up staying. But to be honest, saying I love you and being in love are two completely different things and I think a lot of us get them mixed up. We confuse intimacy, and enjoying your company for love when in reality, it takes something BIG for us to really discover what love is about. Here is your BIG thing.....the two of you are having a baby. For the first time, saying I love you and I want to be with you forever have a real meaning that goes much farther then just the moment your in. She's questioning all of that right now. I'm sure hormones make us quicker to snap, cry, laugh, etc. But this is different then that. I feel for you....really I do and I'm sorry this has happened. Trust me though.....if she does decide to be with you for the long haul, this is something that will bring the two of you much closer together. If she doesn't....it's much better for EVERYBODY....baby included.....if she finds that out now. The baby will allways be yours, but at least he/she wont be caught in the middle of an on again, off again relationship because momma just cant make up her mind. Good luck.
    Melissa

     
    Old 09-14-2010, 11:55 PM   #10
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Okay so, today I brought her flowers for our "7th monthiversary" and along with it, I wrote a letter explaining my feelings for her, and she came around, and called me. I'll be honest, I missed hearing her voice so much that I cried when she called cuz I was so happy. She said that even though were going to try again, I shouldn't expect it to work 100%, and she also told me that I was a great bf, but things happen and feelings change. So could that be attributed to the hormone issue?

    Also, she commented on her ex's ******** post, nothing big but he said "Had a great talk with a good friend" and she said "uuuuuuuuuuuuu...."friend""

    Should it be something that I should worry about while our relationship is shakey ? Thanks for your input

     
    Old 09-24-2010, 01:17 PM   #11
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me and not love me anymore???

    Dude... I'm in the middle of much the same. My fiance is now 16 weeks pregnant. We've talked twice in the last few months. It sucks. It really does. I have faith that things will get better. She has assured me that everything will be fine, and that she just needs space to deal with stuff right now. Have faith too... And don't do TOO much for your girl... I've been told that starts to annoy pregnant women (or women in general). Just let her know every so often you are there and that you love her and the baby. All my friends and family are sick of hearing me talk about her. I'm here if you want to talk.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 09-25-2010 at 07:44 AM. Reason: Please read and follow the posting policy of this board. Thanks.

     
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