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  • He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

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    Old 09-20-2010, 09:26 AM   #1
    ihavenoworries
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    He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    Hi, I've recently met a guy i am interested in (online). We both have pictures up. Before we met, our conversations in the messages were pretty one sided (i would be asking most of the questions/bringing up different topics and expanding on things) Whereas it seemed like he was trying, but didn't know how to really talk to a girl. He would reply, but was quiet.
    So he initiated that me and him should get together for drinks but didn't specify when/time-- i gave him my number, and he texted me a day later but didn't bring up the topic of getting together. I was expecting him to text the next day, but he didn't...so i thought maybe i should give him the message this time. So when i did, he brought up the subject of drinks..and when it was a good time. After that conversation I have not heard from him for about 3 days(not even online) So i decided to check up with him about the get together. He told me everything was still on as planned and suggested that if i was bored the next day I SHOULD text him. If he wanted to talk the next day why didn't he just text me????(i've initiated most of the conversations)--and when we do talk, it seems like he doesn't know or gets nervous.

    Okay so we went out--(first time meeting, so just as friends) NOT A DATE....we met for drinks and pool...he laughed/smiled, all seemed good. He excused himself twice to go to the bathroom in a total of 2 hours(not sure what that was about..good/bad?) But not when there was conversation.
    So i was initiating most of the questions/or subjects to talk about....he seemed to initiate some conversation(maybe because he was nervous) he smiled quite a bit. But not once all night did he compliment the way i looked!!! but then again he never complimented me beforehand either.
    So after about two hours he asked me what i wanted to do, play another round of pool and go home or? I said sure. So before we left i excused myself to go to the washroom, and by the time i got back he had paid for everything. I was a little surprised considering it was just a hangout. He basically insisted to drive me home....so i said alright. On the way home he ran through 2 stop signs...lol, was he that nervous?He was somewhat talkative in the car. I don't know.
    But how will i know if everything went okay...if i'm always the one initiating the conversation? What if he thinks I was not interested so doesn't even try talking? Its not like he initiated much conversation before this...so i think i'm going to have a tough time finding out if i just wait. If i wait it may make him think i didn't have fun, but i don't want to initiate it because i am not sure if he really did have a good time. When he told me to text him that one day...would he just wait till i texted..then if i didn't, he didn't want to talk? i'm not sure...but he hasn't said anything to me since, i don't know if i should take it as a bad sign because he wasn't talkative/didnt know how to talk to a girl in the first place...

    please help!

     
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    Old 09-20-2010, 09:29 AM   #2
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    how old is he?
    I think he seems gentlemanly enough.....he paid the bill while you were in the bathroom and insisted on driving you home.....
    he seems to like you, even though he is awkward at times.....
    why not give him a chance?

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 09:38 AM   #3
    ihavenoworries
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    He is 25 and i am 22. I would love to give him a chance, but don't know how to approach the topic about how the night went. Or what he may be feeling? He seemed to open up more towards the end but even then...should i wait for him to contact me? I'm not sure because i've always been the one to contact, so i'm not sure if "not contacting" would mean he is not interested.

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 09:39 AM   #4
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    I must comment on how confusing it can be to read into all the texting, or lack of it. Instead I would concentrate on the qualities you found while you were in person. If you had fun and enjoyed his company, that is really what matters. Did you have enough fun to see him again? If so, do it.

    I think you hit the nail on the head though, he is simply nervous...we have all been there.

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 10:29 AM   #5
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    Well, if he's a nice guy, then you may want to continue to get to know him, keep peeling the onion, so to speak, but I would say proceed with caution. I dated a guy who was shy, nervous, didn't really know how to talk to girls, and I was just like you, wanting to give him a chance, but it turned out his awkwardness was a hint into more severe emotional blocks and problems. He was a very emotionally unavailable, unhealthy person, and it ended in disaster. So just be careful, keep an eye open for red flags, and you can be helpful, understanding, and sort of nudge him along, but if you find yourself conducting the whole relationship, communicating, planning, loving, for the both of you, then you've got a problem. some shyness and nervousness at the start is understandable, but you dont' want to get in deep with someone who's always going to be emotionally unavailable and closed off to you.

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 10:36 AM   #6
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    he may have confidence issues. he seems shy in my opinion. ever heard that saying ''im quiet and shy at first but once you get to know me i never shut up'' lol. i can understand you been confused with his lack of contact though like leaving it for days. even if he is nervous its still not good to just not talk to you for few days. just say '' i had a lovely time when we hung out fancy it again we could go see a movie or something ''. theres loads of things you could say to make it sound friendly and that way you can meet him again and see how it goes.

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 10:46 AM   #7
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    Well, he seems nice enough, paid for the pool and drinks, smiled, etc.
    Whether or not he is interested in more is hard to determine. Personally speaking, I would rather not put a lot of over thought and energy in the guess work. I would just call and and say thanks for the time out and you had a nice time. That's all I'd say and leave the rest up to him. Other wise you get into a pattern of being the persuer and you will never really know his interest. I think even shy guys wills persue/call if interested enough.

    As for running two stop signs...I hope it wasn't because he had a couple of drinks. I certainly wouldn't take that too lightly!
    I do understand nervousness and hopefully that's all it was.

     
    Old 09-20-2010, 04:24 PM   #8
    ihavenoworries
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    Thank you for all your replies/help...I think I will wait a few more days and then proceed to just check in on him in a friendly manner. I'll see what happens from there!

     
    Old 09-21-2010, 05:07 AM   #9
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    wow, sounds like a decent date to me. I recently read about a date where at the end of the night, they were fighting over who was to pay for dinner and leave a tip! (neither wanted to do it)

    This guy sounds a bit shy, maybe he doesn't date much. Maybe he thinks you are so beautiful that you make him nervous (also, he doesn't have to give you compliments on your beauty on a date!). Maybe he has been burned on dates and is cautious.

    You are thinking waaaayyyyy too much on this one instead of just having FUN! Take the next several dates to get to know him better. Give him several more chances if you are attracted to him.

    I think the very least you should do is CALL him (stop texting) and thank him for the date and driving you home.

    Last edited by Belly Kelly; 09-21-2010 at 05:08 AM.

     
    Old 09-21-2010, 05:48 AM   #10
    John5500
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    Re: He doesn't know how to talk to a girl, what does this mean?

    Hi, ihavenoworries You sound like me insomuch as you're over-analysing things and reading too much into a first date. I can definitely relate to you!

    Judging from how you described his behaviour in the lead up to your date I would say, to an extent, he's playing it cool and trying to appear mysterious, most likely because he really likes you and he doesn't want to scare you off by seeming too keen. This is something I've been doing lately with naff all success! This dude's got it on lockdown because you're clearly feeling somewhat insecure about his feelings towards you

    You say "he doesn't know how to talk to a girl". It's more likely that he's shy when he's first getting to know somebody. Don't stress out about it. If things develop between you, conversation will flow. That he texted you a day after you gave him your number demonstrates to me that he's trying to play by some rules that he's probably read in a men's magazine. Don't worry about it.

    It's a bit weird that you didn't hear from him for three days. Again, maybe he was sitting tight playing by some silly rules penned by some burke who's never actually had a relationship. Playing it cool and suggesting you text him is consistent with this.

    I'm interested to know why you say your meeting was "not a date". Did the two of you agree this? And don't worry about the fact that he went to the gents a couple of times - beer will do that to a man My question for you: do you think your looks intimidate him?

     
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