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  • dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

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    Old 09-28-2010, 03:35 PM   #1
    marieduffett
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    Unhappy dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

    my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two years now, and for the past year and a half his personality changes so dramatically that its hard to really know who he is. He has an extremely bad temper and almost always ends up yelling, swearing and punching walls etc. I have never been the type of person to put up with someone with such a horrible attitude but when hes not having mood swings and being grumpy he is really really good to me. I am now 8 months pregnant with him and i know he is very excited for the new baby and i know he loves me a lot but i am scared about his temper and mixed emotions around the baby. I have never been able to leave him throughout this relationship, i feel like im all he has and i think he thinks im the only one who understands him. I love him dearly and I have tried to get him help and he has agreed to go to counselling but I feel like it wont help him. I feel like i cant be myself or stand up for myself when we fight because i dont want him to freak out. Its not only behavioural problems, his emotions are everywhere all the time. When hes mad he tells me that he hates me that he doesnt want to be with me and really mean things that hurt me a lot. I feel like if i dont talk to him when hes mad he wont calm down. I feel like i need to sit with him and calm him down and then he finally calms down and appologizes. I know this relationship is extremely unhealthy but we love eachother SO MUCH. How do i deal with him? How can he resolve his temper for our families sake? Please advice appreciated and much needed!!!! Thanks.

     
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    Old 09-28-2010, 05:17 PM   #2
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    Re: dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

    Chances are he isn't ever going to be able to resolve his temper issues.

    I suggest looking around on-line for descriptions of personality disorders or other possible diagnosis and then read up on it. Your short description brings one to mind...

    Anyway, I don't want to say "run!" because you are pregnant with his child, but you will probably end up on your own in all this and will have to be able to distance yourself from his abuse (which is what it is) in some way if you want to keep your own sanity.

    Good luck, it's going to be tough...

     
    Old 09-29-2010, 05:45 AM   #3
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    Re: dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

    Yes, counselling might prove helpful, but as far as I can see, it is also a question of changing his lifestyle. Doing something with or about his body: going to a gym, doing some sport outdoors, some physical work, so he is able to burn part of his anger, if you see what I mean. Also, he must be eating a very unbalanced diet, and deny it as you try, an unhealthy diet, the wrong foods, can have a devastating effect on one's personality and behavior.

     
    Old 09-29-2010, 06:38 AM   #4
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    Re: dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

    being pregnant with his child is a reason to leave him, not a reason to stay with him. do you want to bring a child up in this environment? children learn from their parents.....do you want to be conditioning a future abuser?
    or if you have a girl, do you want to be teaching her how to be a victim?
    you're in an abusive relationship, you have the choice to get out. your baby doesn't have that choice.....please make the right choice, if not for you, for your baby and your babies future.

     
    Old 10-02-2010, 03:32 PM   #5
    marieduffett
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    Re: dealing with a mentally unstable boyfriend, baby on the way!

    thank u guys so much for the input. He has recently started counselling and it seems to be having a good effect on him! The baby should be here very soon and he really seems to be determined on being stable for both the baby and myself. He has asked me to marry him and as long as he keeps progressing and continues with counselling i have agreed. Thank you guys so much for the advice and input. I really hope he does get a hold on his life and if not I will be sure to walk away for the right reasons.

     
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