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Different Kind of Stress

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Old 08-30-2002, 08:17 AM   #1
Debra Noel
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 78
Debra Noel HB User
Angry Different Kind of Stress

OK everybody, I often post on this board in relation to my panic disorder, but I have had something else happen in terms of normal stress that I am having a hard time dealing with. I am a bridesmaid for my boyfriend's sister. This past weekend, I (along with the other 2 bridesmaids) had planned a stagette weekend. On the saturday, we were all going out to the bar. I had prepared a gift bag for the bride that had a gag veil, gag garter, glow stick, candy necklace and a risque scavenger hunt. I will admit that there was one item on the hunt list that may have gone too far (tequila body shot), but the bride was also told that she did not have to do all the things, it was her choice. Well, she proceeded to adamantly refuse to do any of the things in the bag. Wouldn't wear the veil, the garter, anything. She also told me basically how horrible many of the items were. She did this in front of a number of guests and made it very known that she was mad. The next day I sent an email to her telling her how upset I was with the way in which she chose to ridicule all items in the bag. It wasn't that she refused to do them (well partly), but it was how she made me feel like crap. Needless to say the email did not go over well. She proceeded to ream me out and tell me how much I have ruined her wedding. She would not even consider that perhaps her actions hurt me. I ended up apologizing like a blubbering idiot, telling her how I was so inconsiderate to do the things I did. I did this because I have no backbone. The problem now is that I can't let this go. I am letting it ruin my relationship with my BF, who I have been with for almost 7 years. I am constantly getting angry at him. I cannot stop thinking about this. I have never been this hurt or mad at someone and basically because I have been made into such the bad one here. HOw can I move on and get over this. I cannot go to her and talk because I am too angry and also because her stubbornness, and self-centeredness is nothing new. She will never see my point, it will always be that she has chosen to forgive the horrible things I did. How can I stop letting this eat me up inside, and stop taking it out on my boyfriend and stop having the feeling that I am mad at her whole family. I know I am overreacting.

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Old 08-30-2002, 08:37 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 103
Kadree HB User

Hi Debra,
I used to be the same way as you. Let people walk all over me because I wanted people to like me. But now I think forget it. If you don't like me, that is your problem! As for the wedding thing, I think it would be wrong to ditch her right before her wedding, but afterwards tell her how you feel. She might be blown away by your courage. She was very inconsiderate, and you don't need people like this in your life.
That is all the advice that I have to offer. Good Luck!

Old 08-30-2002, 08:45 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Parksville B.C Canada
Posts: 237
spungy HB User

Hey Debra,
Wow,thats pretty harsh of the bride to get so mad!
I personaly don't understand how she could say that you ruined her wedding.Has she no sense of humour??
I don't see whats so wrong about giving a gift like that ,most people would think thats great.Eanyway I wish I could give you some advice but I tend to get myself worked up about things too.Just try to relax if she is going to be such a stick in the mud than let her!How does she figure you ruined her wedding eanyway???? Geeez ,this is starting to make me mad too!
All I can say is let her be ignorant ,your not in the wrong she is!!!
I'm sure you will work it out! Spungy

[This message has been edited by spungy (edited 08-30-2002).]

Old 08-30-2002, 12:40 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 210
MelNor HB User

Geeze..I can't understand why some women turn into such B's when they are getting close to their wedding day!! It seems she is having some other issues that really don't have anything to do with you. Could you have your bf go talk to her since it is her sister??

I have talked to many people who have had lost relationships/friends and even family over wedding issues...and I wouldn't let her do that to me if I were you, then she really wins!! She sound like a self centered snot to be honest with you! I would go throught the motions of the wedding and then let her know exactly how you feel.

How did the others at the party react to her childish behaviour?? I bet she didn't get too many sympathies!

Good Luck!!
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Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Old 08-30-2002, 05:26 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,657
NancyH HB User

No sense of humor, wow what is she going to be like as a wife? that gift bag sounds like it was given in good humor which we all could use these days. Dont' waste your emotional health on it or let your relationship with the bf go sour over her lack of humor.

Old 08-31-2002, 12:26 PM   #6
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 354
Greenberry HB User

In defense of the bride, I have to point out that not everyone appreciates risque gifts and gags. She should not have been so rude to you, especially in public, but is it possible that she was embarassed by the stuff? Plus, you have to remember this is HER wedding. I know, I know, brides all become spoiled whiners right before their weddings (of course I didn't!), but that's just the way it is, especially if the gal was a little self-centered to begin with.

All I can suggest is that you stop torturing yourself and your boyfriend--why are you taking it out on your boyfriend anyway? Is he taking her side? Just consider this a lesson learned (about your possible future sister-in-law anyway) and work on your assertiveness if you think that that is problem for you.

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