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Can this marriage be saved ?

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Old 11-04-2002, 02:48 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 86
skygirl HB User
Post Can this marriage be saved ?

This is my second marriage, and my husbands. Both our spouse's died from cancer.We've been married 10 years.
I had known my husband since grade school, or thought I knew him. We dated for over a year, and I talked to him about how important it was for me to spend time with my grandchildren, and he agreed, and said he love kids. After we were married for a year, he started complaining about the children . I was only seeing them about twice a month. He said they should be taught manners, and the whole nine yards. He thinks a child should act like an adult. I have always had a small dog, until mine died a few months before we were married. I have asked him several times in the past, if I could get another dog, and he tells me I'm being selfish, that he doesn't want a dog in the house. For heath reasons, I'm not able to have an outside dog. I just need some compainship from a little dog. He doesn't like animals, or children, even though he has 2 grown children. They have told me how hard it was when they were growing up, dealing with his quirks.
We don't have anything in common anymore. He just went along with things I wanted to do until we got married, and then he started telling me we couldn't afford to take a vacation, or anything I wanted to do. Truth is, he likes car races, and hanging out at the race shop. I use to go with him to the races, but I'm not able to drive that far anymore.Recently, I have becomed disabled to work, so I don't feel like I have the right to buy a dog with his money. I was the main bread winner until I got sick, and I never complained about how much he spent.
He likes to drink by himself after I go to bed. I told him I couldn't stand to see him getting drunk every night, so that's why he waits until I'm sleeping.
We are both in our mid 50's. I don't feel like there's much love left. I just don't have any fight left in me. I want to be happy, but I don't know how I can be, living with him. I think he knows I'm between a rock and a hard place, since I have to depend on him to support me.
I would apprecciate any help I can get. We have been to counseling, but he decided it was my problem, and stopped going.
Does a woman have the right to spend money without her husband's permission?

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Old 11-04-2002, 03:35 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 280
mydog8mybrain HB User

Good post. Glad you are here.
Sounds bad girl. As long as he is slugging down booze each night things will probably get no better. Yep - you are between a rock and a hard place. If he is your paycheck then it will be hard for you to make a change.
As to the wife spending the husband's money.... I just dunno. I think every situation is different.

About you visiting your grandkids. This one would really get my dander up. Any spouse that tried to get between me and my kids or grandkids would find her bags packed and sitting on my front porch! This is one area where I simply have no flexibility and don't ever intend to.

Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

Old 11-04-2002, 11:22 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 166
magee HB User

Depands on what state you live in. Check out your state laws.

Old 11-05-2002, 06:25 AM   #4
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 514
Lady^ HB User

I can't help you with your marriage problems (having troublesof my own in that department) but as far as a dog goes.....why do you have to spend money to get a dog? There are literally thousands of dog put to sleep in the U.S. each year because they need a home. Go to your local shelter and look at the dogs. They may charge a small adoption fee but you'd have the pet that you want so badly and you'd be saving a life. Just be sure that, if your marriage breaks up, you'd still be able to take care of the dog on your own. You wouldn't want him going back into the shelter again.

And I think that, as long as the two of you are married, you should have every right to spend the money...especially if you were the primary breadwinner for many years. If he can spend money on booze then you should be able to spend a bit on something that makes you happy.

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