It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Girlfriend breaks up w/ me but says she loves me and im perfect????

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 02-11-2003, 11:52 AM   #1
    AcIntegraLS
    Member
     
    AcIntegraLS's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 61
    AcIntegraLS HB User
    Question Girlfriend breaks up w/ me but says she loves me and im perfect????

    Ok gonna try to make it short. Been with her since about a little after Halloween, she tells me I'm SO good to her, she doesnt know how to react I treat her so good compared to past bf's. It makes me feel good of course...Well we met up 2 weeks after her last relationship...which was a 3 year or so one and she lived w/ the guy. Well we kinda eased into it goin out to bars and stuff, watchin movies...then it got serious and she says we may of rushed it...She told me things like I better get used to her because she wants me around for a long long time. Then I noticed her acting kinda weird and confront her and she says she dont know how to treat me back. I treat her so good and she doesnt feel she is giving it all back to me like she should. On top of this she has a lot of stress going on. Moms getting surgery on her spine v-day, aunts got brain problems, she graduates school in a few weeks and then this past sunday I said I need to know whats up and she says she just dont think she needs a boyfriend right now in her life...I think she is a nutcase...but it all makes no sense. There isnt anybody else, she just is a woman I guess??? haha I think me treating her good scares her, because she isnt used to it? she has some hard relationships and things in her life and maybe its why???

    -Ryan

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 02-11-2003, 12:46 PM   #2
    BrandedPrincess
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    BrandedPrincess's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Posts: 157
    BrandedPrincess HB User
    Angry

    Quote:
    Originally posted by AcIntegraLS:
    On top of this she has a lot of stress going on. Moms getting surgery on her spine v-day, aunts got brain problems, she graduates school in a few weeks and then this past sunday I said I need to know whats up and she says she just dont think she needs a boyfriend right now in her life...I think she is a nutcase...but it all makes no sense. There isnt anybody else, she just is a woman I guess??? haha I think me treating her good scares her, because she isnt used to it? she has some hard relationships and things in her life and maybe its why???

    -Ryan
    Do yourself a favor and read the quote of what you wrote and think. Ask yourself if it makes any sense what you wrote.
    First you say she has alot of stress in her life, you explain why and then you say that maybe she is a nutcase and maybe its just because she is a woman. All this because she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. I am sorry, but look at yourself before you call her a nutcase! The way I see it, she made the right decision by letting you go. You obviously don't have the compasion to understand what she is going through. You should be supportive and understanding of her and not criticize her for her decision.

    [This message has been edited by BrandedPrincess (edited 02-11-2003).]

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 12:59 PM   #3
    liza
    Senior Member
     
    liza's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Posts: 122
    liza HB User
    Post

    Branded is right!
    What gives you the right to call her a nutcase? She is going through alot and your mad because she doesn't want to be with you right now? You say that you treat her right but look at how you are talking about her! She is going through a rough time and needs support which you are not giving her. Maybe she feels she can't give the relationship the attention she feels it needs because of all whats going on. Try to be more understanding. There are other things that she needs to put more attention to right now in her life then putting you as first priority.

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 01:36 PM   #4
    help3
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Location: escondido
    Posts: 3
    help3 HB User
    Post

    everybody is bashing the guy in this case, look at how he treats her, i would break it off with her, she doesnt know what she wants, let her figure it out

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 03:05 PM   #5
    AcIntegraLS
    Member
     
    AcIntegraLS's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 61
    AcIntegraLS HB User
    Post

    there is more to it than what I put...I said she is a nutcase...as in she has mental issues I think...after being with her and becoming sexually active with her....she one night tells me she has been beaten and in the hospital, and another person raped her. I understand she isnt a nutcase, just confused I think. I treated her amazing...and I was there for her for everything and she one day didnt want to see anybody cause she was just sad...and i made her see me and she broke down and was confused I cared enough to know what was wrong...I think me treating her good confused her cause she's used to guys treating her like trash basically.....and it hurts that me treating her good, might of scared her away and this stuff in her life could prevent her from a normal good relationship because its not the norm to her??

    -Ryan

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 05:49 PM   #6
    BrandedPrincess
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    BrandedPrincess's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Posts: 157
    BrandedPrincess HB User
    Talking

    Ryan
    I am sorry I sounded so harsh, but some of the wording you used really bothered me. I don't think I need to say it but you know by my first post. Anyway, you explained what is going on better in your second post .
    She has alot of problems going on, and its taking its toll on her which will take its toll on you. I think she needs to talk to a professional for counseling. She has alot going on and as you can see, its hard for her to deal right now. However, you should take a break from her. I think it would be best for both of you. Be supportive of her but at the same time, respect her wishes for not dating you right now. I think you will see its for the best.
    Take care

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 06:00 PM   #7
    mydog8mybrain
    Senior Member
     
    mydog8mybrain's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Location: Little Rock, AR
    Posts: 279
    mydog8mybrain HB User
    Post

    Ryan - Do yourself a favor and send her down the road.

    So she has a little stress. She uses that as an excuse to say she has problems in her relationship? Give me a break ! What happens when 10 years down the road the kiddos cause a little stress.... is that going to be another excuse to fault the relationship? Come on !

    pack her bags and send her on her way. Let her become a problem for someone else.

    Is she eating psycho drugs (anti-depressants and all?). if so, then don't walk my man, run like hell to get our of this deal.

    Now. All that being said.... if she was your wife then things would be different. You'd have to belly up to the table and do the right thing. In this case, however, she (thankfully) is not your wife. Do yourself a favor and send her on her way. there will be 10 willing to take her place.

    ------------------
    Those parents that choose to dispense "tough love" to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 06:08 PM   #8
    liza
    Senior Member
     
    liza's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Posts: 122
    liza HB User
    Post

    Ryan
    I agree with branded on her 2nd post! lol
    after reading your 2nd post I undertand more about whats going on. I am sorry also
    I agree, your best bet is to move on.

     
    Old 02-11-2003, 09:29 PM   #9
    foosh
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: usa
    Posts: 122
    foosh HB User
    Post

    Mydog8mybrain couldn't have said it better. Let her go ruin someone elses life. Consider yourself lucky dude. I'm serious.

    I should charge by the hour brother. But because I'm a good guy and care about people, I'll give you some free advice.
    This will be long and harsh, but you can't afford not to listen. I must sound like a broken record, because I've given this same advice to many guys in your shoes.

    For reference, see my responses to your buddy 2bad4U's posts: "Do many women take men back after breaking up with them" and his post from a few weeks ago "My girl not warm to me anymore"

    I'll cut to the chase with some tough love. I'm gonna slap some sense into you for your own good. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. But there's a method to all this.

    Here goes:

    1) She's 2 weeks out of a 3 year relationship and you think she's emotionally ready to be with anyone else right now?? She's a mess. Have you ever heard of a rebound?? You could be the poster boy. You never stood a chance.

    2) When you're having problems with women, you must be VERY carefull from whom you ask advice. BrandedPrincess just threw you for such a loop that you should be dizzy right now. (I'll get to that later)

    3) You keep telling us what she keeps SAYING. But then you say that you "noticed her ACTING (i.e. behaving) kinda weird".

    She SAYS, you better get used to her because she wants to be around for a long long time. But how is she TREATING you.

    4) Do you think that maybe you came on a little too fast?? (Even if she did too) I think you did. Also, she kept saying that your SO good to her. Could you be one of those "teddy bear" guys?? The kind that every women likes (he's just SO nice!), but that allows women to walk all over them??

    5) Look at the excuses you keep making for the way she's been treating her! Her mom's getting surgery, her aunt's got brain problems, she graduates in a few weeks, she has "alot of stress going on". What's next?? Her favorite pet grasshoper is sick??? When she was 5 she didn't get the dollhouse she asked for??? Billy from the 2nd grade told her she was icky??
    NOTE: It's too bad about her mother and aunt. Really. But, come on! She may be going through tough times, but don't make excuses for her bad behavior. Like Mydog8mybrain said, do you want your wife to treat you like crap every time something goes wrong? No, that's not how sweet women act when they love their guys.

    6) "I think treating her good scares her because she isn't used to it." Two things: She may have some past baggage that have made her the way she is. If she was beeten and raped and treated badly by many ex-boyfriends, then that really is very sad. What you need to realize is that there really are some women that you just can't take on. They may have had too much happen to them in their past, and you'll be fighting all of those past battles, all the time. You won't be able to win. So, don't take it on. Let her be someone elses problem. Like perhaps a therapists (I don't mean to sound cruel, but I'm trying to help YOU right now, not her.)


    Good luck. But the bottom line is that you need let this one go.




    [This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 02-18-2003).]

     
    Old 02-12-2003, 07:40 AM   #10
    AcIntegraLS
    Member
     
    AcIntegraLS's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 61
    AcIntegraLS HB User
    Post

    thanks for the replies. foosh...yea I've thought about the rebound thing, and she definately didnt seem that way, and I said I'm not just some rebound am I? and its not like she met me and had her way and had sex with me and left...but who knows lol. I know the girl also which is a factor...we met up at a bar, and then we kept talking since that night and it led up to a relationship. I actually dated her back in 6 or 7th grade, im now 21...so I hadnt seen her in like 7 or 8 years prior to this. Also my neighbor is her moms best friend, so I am sure I'll see her there sometimes which will be fun, but I'll get over it...already doin better actually...Friday I'll have to meet some ladies for vday that are single hehe and have fun :-)

    thanks for the replies

    -Ryan

     
    Old 02-12-2003, 11:39 AM   #11
    2bad4u
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: Hamilton, Canada
    Posts: 43
    2bad4u HB User
    Post

    foosh. i hate to admit it, but it is finally starting to seem to me to be true what you're saying. No body deserves to be treated badly and nobody deserves to feel like they're not good.

    I am moving on with my life, and going to make myself happy moving on instead of living in the past, and in what could have been.

    Thank you. Your advice, in addition to that of those around me who care about me, have made me realise it's time to be happy again, and it may take a while but i'm on my way, slowly but surely.

    thanks.

     
    Old 02-13-2003, 03:56 AM   #12
    Merrida
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Dec 2002
    Location: Nashua, NH
    Posts: 971
    Merrida HB User
    Post

    Those other situations in her life need to be looked at as real contributions to her behavior, they are explanations, but not excuses.

    She may tell you that you are not a rebound but you are, - you are a human bandaid to make her feel better after a long relationship, and by your age I'll assume she is also quite young which means her 3 years were spent mostly in her teens, which also means she's just now getting a taste of being a grown up -- not having ties is what these years are usually about as we try to spread some roots to different people, ideas, experiences, places, things,...to test waters and see what we like.

    That,...and there is no way she'll be ready for a real relationship for at least a full year of being on her own. If she continues to bounce around from guy to guy, then she'll have issues she'll carry over with her into the next relationship.

    People don't often TELL the person they're with that this is rebound, you realize. Very often they don't know themselves, or don't want to use that word.

    This has nothing to do with being "too nice." It sounds like you may be using that excuse yourself as a justification (this goes both ways you know).

    There is a difference between being too nice and being too maleable or passive. True, most women don't like passive, but most women worth their salt will take the nice when it's time to think seriously.

    Hey that beer commercial says it all: There's a difference between the "right girl," and the "right now girl."

    ------------------
    Life isn't what happens to you -- it's how you react to it!

    Thoughts don't make us who we are -- Actions do.

     
    Old 02-14-2003, 10:45 AM   #13
    vinceupland
    Junior Member
     
    vinceupland's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Posts: 21
    vinceupland HB User
    Post

    Sounds like my ex-wife who left me because, in her words, "I was too good to her."

    I doubt you ever, ever hear a man say that about a woman.
    __________________
    vince

     
    Old 02-14-2003, 03:46 PM   #14
    AcIntegraLS
    Member
     
    AcIntegraLS's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: ohio
    Posts: 61
    AcIntegraLS HB User
    Post

    yea maybe i was a rebound, but she might of not thought that herself...we just moved way to quickly. Hell I used her as rebound myself if I really thought of it...she got out of a 3 year, and i had just gotten out of a 2 1/2 year probably a month or so before her...so its kinda even lol. It doesnt really hurt much, just more confused I guess lol. but I got a nice night of ladies at a party tonight so im not to depressed :-D thanks again for replies...


    -Ryan

     
    Old 02-15-2003, 07:46 AM   #15
    HoosierBj
    Registered User
     
    Join Date: Apr 2002
    Posts: 1,032
    HoosierBj HB User
    Post

    Just a random thought from someone who's been there -

    Please think about depending on yourself, and not on "the ladies" to feel good about yourself.
    Take a break from relationships, volunteer, work on yourself, or exercise. Being alone is NOT the worst thing... being in the wrong relationship at the wrong time can be.
    You don't have to be in a relationship to feel good about yourself..
    And once you feel good about yourself outside of a relationship you are at your healthiest to start finding one.

    Bj

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Girlfriend and Rape floridasfinest Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 23 09-11-2011 10:36 PM
    confused...girlfriend's rape floridasfinest Mental Health 3 04-21-2010 10:22 AM
    girlfriend holds grudge and will never let it go. lucky_yang Relationship Health 9 06-18-2009 11:44 PM
    What happened to my girlfriend!? DeadMemory Relationship Health 9 11-08-2008 11:35 PM
    I cant tell. Do i want to be with my girlfriend, or not. MrZeely Relationship Health 39 08-06-2007 03:30 PM
    Help I'm so hurt! Dutches Bipolar Disorder 194 06-09-2007 07:10 PM
    Girlfriend and parties causing me to really worry.. Musicdude Teen Health 3 03-24-2007 12:01 AM
    Should I be worried? Girlfriend going to cancun for 7 nights JetHot Relationship Health 19 03-11-2005 03:45 PM
    Girlfriend dosn't have time for me kth911 Teen Health 6 01-06-2004 07:52 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:54 AM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!