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    Old 06-22-2003, 03:58 PM   #1
    ~airforcewife~
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    Talking Military Spouses/Significant Others!!!

    I came across an article today that I thought I would pass on to you guys. As a military spouse, I know that we all have to face the issue of deployment and I also know how tough it can be.

    I hope this article helps you understand the journey of being left behind when the one you love is deployed and that all the crazy mixed up emotions you feel are common. Most of all, know that you are NEVER alone!


    The 7 Emotional Cycles of Deployment
    By ********

    Despite the many who claim otherwise, the military spouse leads a different life from most. This harsh truth becomes most evident when your family prepares for a deployment. A deployment is a scary, emotional, yet liberating journey for the spouse left behind to take care of a home, finances, and a family.

    There are 7 identifiable stages that the majority of military spouses go through.

    Pre-Deployment: Anticipation of Loss
    Your spouse is working late to ready the unit and you are left at home knowing he or she will be leaving. You are moody and depressed, and this causes friction between you and your spouse. You are a tight little ball of stress and anxiety, and hate yourself for feeling this way. You and your spouse are at each other's throats even when you know in your heart you should be cherishing each day left together.

    Whether you're a man or a woman, it is PMS multiplied by a factor of deployment.

    Pre-Deployment: Detachment and Withdrawal
    As the final week before deployment approaches, all those feelings you have had for weeks rise to a peak. You can think of a million and one final things to do before the deployment, but can find neither time nor energy to complete even the smallest tasks.

    All the arguing has taken its toll on your level of intimacy. You appear to have lost all interest in physical contact with your spouse and have more interest in actually sleeping between the sheets than anything else. You distance yourself from your spouse without consciously knowing it.

    These emotional times happen. The important thing to remember is that you are human. We all want the final weeks before a deployment to be perfect, but life seems to throw us a different fate. But the closer you come to understanding each cycle and its inevitable side effects, the closer you come to changing certain aspects of your life. If there is time, take part in some of the services offered to you on base. There are always people on base who can ***ist you. Reach out to your unit chaplain for guidance and support.

    During Deployment: Emotional Disorganization
    After your spouse leaves and all the initial tears have been shed, you wake up. The house is all yours. Even if you have children, it is yours. You can stay up late, eat cookies in bed, and watch your favorite TV channels all day without a single complaint from anyone. It's almost like a vacation.

    This is a fun time, a chance to do all those things you didn't have time to do before. There are no uniforms to wash, no entertaining, and no work-related phone calls in the middle of the night. Relief!

    The first few weeks have flown by. All that time you thought you would be crying, you were enjoying yourself. Then you look at the unmowed lawn, the pile of clothes in the hamper, the refrigerator with only ice cream and diet cola inside, the stack of bills on the desk, the car that needs an oil change, tune-up, and car wash, etc. Then guilt sets in. Here you are having a grand time while your spouse is possibly in harm's way and you seem to have lost sight of your household responsibilities. You sit in a heap on the floor in the kitchen and sob. You suddenly feel alone.

    During Deployment: Recovery and Stabilization
    Your two favorite words! By this time, you have probably heard from your spouse via e-mail or telephone. The phone calls and e-mail inspire you to find strength you never knew you had. You take on all your newfound responsibilities with p***ion. You are now able to fix that broken dryer, you bake cookies and write letters. You make Martha Stewart look like she hasn't a clue. This time is an opportunity that is truly a gift of the military lifestyle. During this time, you will discover your independence, your abilities, and your enduring strength.

    During Deployment: Anticipation of Homecoming
    The few weeks before the deployment comes to an end, there is excitement, along with questions. You fear your newfound independence will vanish once your spouse steps through the front door. You wonder what changes will happen and where your marriage will fit into the equation.

    You are happy your spouse will be home soon, but there is much concern about the homecoming. There may be only sporadic phone calls or e-mail, leaving you too much time to worry about the future. You begin to do things just to keep your mind occupied. You clean like mad. You organize financial papers, get the budget back into shape, get the kids ready for school, juggle doctor appointments and soccer practice.

    The final days before homecoming are full of phone calls to other spouses, to the Key Volunteer, and to the party stores. Decorations and signs are made and you are giddy with excitement and anticipation.

    After Deployment: Renegotiation of the Marriage Contract
    After the initial joy of having your spouse home, reality sets in. Changes need to be made to the lifestyle you had just become used to, and they are not easy. You feel stifled, at first, over the loss of your independence, but the feeling will p*** in time, with some adjustments. Communicate openly with your spouse about your needs and wants, and use any marital services available on base that can help you both reconnect after your time apart. In time, loving intimacy returns and you find a way to work together again as a team.

    After Deployment: Reintegration and Stabilization
    Breathe a sigh of relief -- stability has returned. By the time the first couple of months post-deployment have p***ed, you and your spouse have hammered out the details of your marriage. You are used to having him or her home and actually enjoy the fact that they still hog all the blankets in bed.

    You feel relief knowing you are not solely responsible for the household chores anymore. Knowing you can fix the dryer by yourself is liberating, but not having to fix it is another story. It is on one of those days that you glance at your spouse sitting beside you on the sofa, reading the paper, and suddenly all you can remember about the deployment was being in his or her arms the day they left. It feels like it was yesterday.


    ------------------
    ~ Proud Military Wife & Mother Of 3 Beautiful Children! ~

     
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    Old 06-23-2003, 04:24 PM   #2
    ~airforcewife~
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    villegegal ~ I thought of you when I saw this! Stay strong and keep the faith.


    Silent Ranks
    I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens.
    But I am in the military in the ranks rarely seen.
    I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I do not give.
    But the military world is the place where I live.
    I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get.
    But my husband is the one who does, this I cannot forget.
    I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line.
    But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind.
    My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man.
    And the call to serve his country not all can understand.
    Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.
    My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.
    I love the man I married. The Air Force (Army, Navy, Marines, etc.) is his life.
    But I stand among the silent ranks
    known as the Military Wife.


    ------------------
    ~ Proud Military Wife & Mother Of 3 Beautiful Children! ~

    [This message has been edited by ~airforcewife~ (edited 06-23-2003).]

     
    Old 06-23-2003, 08:41 PM   #3
    villagegal68455
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    thank you so much for all of this...it was very helpful...it made me cry too...not for bad reasons...one because i am so proud of my husband and two because people don't realize i'm just as much a part of this is he is...i think i'm going to keep this topic, so i can look at it in the future...
    proud wife to trainee wentler

    ------------------
    Rachel Leigh
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above
    __________________
    Rachel Leigh
    Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above

     
    Old 06-23-2003, 10:31 PM   #4
    ~airforcewife~
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    Awww, I didn't mean to make you cry! I also have a couple more I will put on here for you as soon as I can find which folder I put them in! They are all beautiful...my friend next door even printed one out, framed it, and kept it beside her bed while her hubby was TDY for 6 months.



    ------------------
    ~ Proud Military Wife & Mother Of 3 Beautiful Children! ~

     
    Old 06-23-2003, 11:55 PM   #5
    ~airforcewife~
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    Ok, here are 2 I found...

    Lords Prayer For The Military Wife

    Lord, Grant me the greatness of heart to see,
    The difference in duty and his love for me.
    Give me the understanding to know,
    That when duty calls he must go.
    Give me a task to do each day,
    To fill the time when he is away,
    And Lord when duty is in the field,
    Please protect him and be his shield.


    Poem for My Airman

    A poem for my Airman,
    I felt that I should write.
    For he might go to battle,
    He may soon be called to fight.
    I send with him my heart and soul,
    And pray that it will be returned 10-fold.
    My heart aches when I think of his leaving,
    Knowing he will soon return is what keeps my heart beating.
    Each night as I lay my head down to sleep,
    I pray the Lord my Airman to keep.
    When he goes, please keep him safe,
    For I donít know what I would do if his life You were to take.
    My prayers I send to You above,
    For all the men that we so love.
    And as we lay in bed at night,
    We try to understand why our men fight.
    We thank you God for each of them,
    That will serve for us until the end.



    ------------------
    ~ Proud Military Wife & Mother Of 3 Beautiful Children! ~

     
    Old 06-24-2003, 06:04 PM   #6
    villagegal68455
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    thanks...all of this is such a help to me...btw...i got two letters from him today...YAY...

    ------------------
    Rachel Leigh
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above
    __________________
    Rachel Leigh
    Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above

     
    Old 06-24-2003, 08:42 PM   #7
    ~airforcewife~
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    Hey, that's great!!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif I know it made your day. You're probably reading them every 5 minutes, aren't you?!



    ------------------
    ~ Proud Military Wife & Mother Of 3 Beautiful Children! ~

     
    Old 06-24-2003, 08:49 PM   #8
    villagegal68455
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    lol...yep, it sure made my day...and yes, i've read each one at least four times already...hehehe...and he put in the end of the second one that he was going to write again the next day, so i'll probably check my mail right away every day until i get it...i put them both in my purse so i can carry them with me everywhere...i have several pictures from when he was sworn in that i carry in my purse too...

    ------------------
    Rachel Leigh
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above
    __________________
    Rachel Leigh
    Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above

     
    Old 06-25-2003, 02:21 PM   #9
    RedHead86
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    lol i know how that is, i still have everylast one of his emails/ poems he wrote me here is the first one he wrote me and most beautiful, i broke down in tears when i read this
    I do believe the lord above,
    created you for me to love.
    He made me different from all the rest,
    because He knew I'd love you best.
    I have a heart and it is true,
    but now it's gone from me to you.
    So care for it just like I do,
    for I have none and you have two.


    And if I die before the rest,
    I'll wait for you in golden dress.
    If you're not there on judgement day,
    I'll know you went the other way.
    So I'll return my angel wings,
    golden harp and everything.
    To prove my love is true,
    I'll go to Hell to be with you.
    also i kept a picture with me everywhere of us and carried his lighter around with me in my pocket as well. and when i was having a bad night, i would lay down throw on "aerosmiths's i don't wanna miss a thing"(thats our song) and rub that lighter and think of him/cry. and sometimes i know this sounds wierd but i could "feel" him. when he worte me, somehow i knew it, i would just get this incredible feeling inside me. then i would go check my email or my answering machine and whala! lol i know that sounds weird. i also used to sleep with my favorite jacket of his lol lemme know how ya'll r doing
    __________________
    Buh Yah!

     
    Old 06-25-2003, 07:53 PM   #10
    villagegal68455
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    that poem is just beautiful...lance and i's song is "with you, without you" by motley crue...i know what you mean about the feeling him there part...some stuff in my car broke the other day and i layed my head down on the steering wheel and cried...so frustrated...and i just imagined that if he saw that he would be soothing me and telling me everything will be okay...that made me stop crying...i wear some of his clothes too..it's such a comfort...wow, glad to know i'm not just weird...lol
    proud wife of trainee wentler

    ------------------
    Rachel Leigh
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above
    __________________
    Rachel Leigh
    Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
    "To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
    April-may you always dance with the angels above

     
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