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  • What are the signs of a cheating spouse?

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    Old 09-29-2003, 01:10 PM   #1
    limille
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    Post What are the signs of a cheating spouse?

    Would anyone be willing to tell me the signs of a cheating spouse. I have that gut feeling that something is going on with my husband and a co-worker. Going into work at all different hours, money has come up missing, this co-worker, also a friend, seemes to know a lot about what is going on in our lives. My husband is always home at night with us but does work an extremely large amount of overtime these days. I don't want to be naive about what might be going on. Does anyone have anything I should watch for?? Thanks!

     
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    Old 09-29-2003, 01:41 PM   #2
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    You've already mentioned several ways to tell. You might check his mileage without his knowledge. If he is sneaking around he is probably putting extra miles on the car.

     
    Old 09-29-2003, 02:27 PM   #3
    Monday1954
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    Limille, if you want to know and are ready to find out then you will take the steps necessary to finding out what you want to know.

    Do you check on your husband while he is working over-time? Is the woman also working over-time? Check credit card statements, keep track of the money spent from the checking account, does it all add up? If you should drive by work to see if your husband is indeed there when he said he should be, go in and surprise him with dinner, if he is innocent you have made a nice gesture, if he is guilty, you will be glad you found out.

     
    Old 09-29-2003, 02:49 PM   #4
    roni624
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    Check his cell phone bill. Check for repeated numbers around the time he is away from you.-Roni

     
    Old 09-29-2003, 04:09 PM   #5
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    Okay, my ex husband cheated on me all the time. He would get so called "work related" calls all the time. He would go to work at 5 or 6 and get home at 7 or 8. He had an office job, 9 to 5. He would always have things he had to do on the weekends with friends, etc. He had to go on "business trips" atleast once every 2 weeks. I hope everything goes well for you!

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    Old 09-29-2003, 09:52 PM   #6
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    If he is working so much "overtime" have you noticed the extra $$$ from it??
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    Old 09-30-2003, 05:08 AM   #7
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    I've heard of people getting a second mobile phone number and buying those recharge cards so that there are no phone bills and you can't keep track of which calls they made. Like one of the other posters said, surprise him during his overtime.


     
    Old 09-30-2003, 07:32 AM   #8
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    Like everyone said, if he says he's at work, check up on him. My brother's wife cheated on him, and he went to Radio Shack and bought a bug for his phone. It was a simple mini tape recorder that was hid in the basement connected to the phone line that recorded every call that came in and went out. It wasn't illegal since the phone line was in his name and he was aware it was there, even though she had no idea it was there. He caught her red handed and he was able to use it against her in the divorce settlement.
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    Old 09-30-2003, 08:36 AM   #9
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    [QUOTE]Originally posted by limille:
    I have that gut feeling that something is going on with my husband and a co-worker. Going into work at all different hours, money has come up missing, this co-worker, also a friend, seemes to know a lot about what is going on in our lives.

    Go with your gut feeling limille, it's almost always 100% right. I didn't go with mine when I knew something was going on with my ex, he used to come home 4-6 hours after getting off work, smelling like perfume, and since I dont wear it I knew it wasn't me. He used to say that he was out with his buddies from work having a beer or shooting pool. Anyway, I agree with the other posters, go to his work and suprise him. Please keep us posted, and good luck

     
    Old 09-30-2003, 11:32 AM   #10
    limille
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    Thanks everyone! I'm worried that my gut instinct is right. Yet, I wonder if my imagination is working overtime. I've not had any concrete evidence that he's cheating but one Saturday morning he went into work at 2am. When I questioned him why so early he told me he couldn't sleep so he got up. I checked the alarm and he had set it for 1am. I never hear the alarm because it's on his side of the bed and we have a fan running all the time. Funny though, since that incident, I am know waking up when he gets out of the bed. Then there was money that came up short. He'd cashed a check and told me the check was for a certain amount but he was lying about it because I'd seen the check before he'd cashed it and the amounts didn't match. The latest thing is today on his check stub it showed he'd taken a couple hours vacation. As far as I'd know, he hadn't taken any. When I questioned him, he told me that it's never been right. So, this is another thing that I'll have to watch.

    This co-worker that I'm leary about is also a neighbor and friend. I don't know her really well but we've been to her house several times. Her boyfriend lives with her and is friends with my husband. I've noticed while we are around her, she seems very motherly to my 9yr old daughter - too motherly. I'm going crazy trying to figure this out!!


    To anyone who has thought their spouse was cheating and accused them with out seeing it for themselves, how did it work out? I just don't know what to do except put it in God's hands. I can't sit at his work and watch 10hrs a day. I keep wondering if I'm just putting too much into things!

    For those of you who had that gut feeling, did it come out of the blue?? Our marriage has seemed to be pretty good. He never goes out with his friends to bars or anything, other than golfing in the summer. He's home in the evening too.

    Thank you guys so much for your input!! limille


     
    Old 09-30-2003, 06:11 PM   #11
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    I have been cheated on by my bf who is now my dh. I wrote my testimony on the "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE" thread today.

    My bf(dh) pay stubb would show vacation and comp hours taken when he never took them. He too worked odd hours. The way I caught him was I got a hold of his pager. Well you have to have a code to listen to all the numbers so I dailed the pager number then pressed # and entered is badge # as a pin. I was correct because he used it for all his pin #s. I saw a number on there that had an extra #3 on the end of a number. I went to a friend's house and called it and a girl answered it. So while he went on a hunting trip one day I went through all his note pads where he writes info on stuff at work. Well there was that same number with a hispanic man's name under it. I knew it was wrong because the very first time I called that number the answering machine came up to an Anglo last name. Well a few lines below was the name of the girl who answered the phone and her address. He made it look like these were ppl he was making contact at with at work(he's a cop). Well...guess what...I went to her house and confronted her. She told me they were just friends and that he had been trying to get her to go out to eat with her. She had gone on a ride along one night with him. She said that he was talking to her about how he still loved me but didn't think we were going to be together much longer. I was nice to this girl but I was hurt. I told her she could have him because she wasn't the only girl he was talking to. Well, I went to work pretty upset and he called me from the deer lease. I told him I had to go and hung up. He kept calling my work and the girls would just tell him I went upstairs or I was just busy. He knew I knew because he had called her and she told him she didn't want any part of this mess. He ended coming home the next day and wanted to know how I found out. I told him I hired a PI to help me. If I told him the truth he would try different ways to get away with it. I ended up getting even with him. He never cheated again. We did get married and our lives made a complete reversal. Our marriage has been great. If you read my post on that thread then you will know a little more.-Roni

     
    Old 09-30-2003, 06:24 PM   #12
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    Has he changed his appearance in any way? Started working out, wearing cologne, not wearing his wedding ring, etc?

    Like the others, I'd say that if you have a "gut feeling", it must be right. Otherwise, you wouldn't even want to think of such a thing. Is there any way you can obtain "proof"?

     
    Old 09-30-2003, 06:37 PM   #13
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    I never actually witnessed it, just something I knew. However when I was in labor with our daughter, I went to his work to get him, at 12:30-1:00 in the morning, he should have been there till 3am. Nobody could find him in the casino. Well finally they found him at the strip club, so that was a huge warning right there that something wasn't right. Good luck and I hope you work it all out.

     
    Old 09-30-2003, 07:58 PM   #14
    limille
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    Thanks Crimson, Yes, he has changed his appearance somewhat. Last spring he went on a diet and lost 40lbs and just the other day he mentioned he wanted to color his hair blonder.

    To Roni, I would love to hire a PI but I don't think I could afford one. How did you go about doing it. Was it a friend of yours from your husbands line of work? I looked in our phone book and there are none listed in the yellow pages!

    My husband told me today that he is going golfer with a "vender" on Friday. I thought that might just warrant a "field trip". If his car isn't where it should be or if this other woman isn't at work on Friday then that will be a very clear sign I think.

    I'm sure if I find out what I'm really thinking is true, I'll need to vent some more......hope nobody minds : )

     
    Old 09-30-2003, 08:23 PM   #15
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    she worked at the bank he banked at. he hit on her... which i believe. he used to be a big flirt. i had this gut feeling and i too felt i was overreacting. i was just very careful about getting my proof. i didn't need a pi because i wanted to see if i could figure it out myself...which i did.-roni

     
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