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  • My girlfriend - cheated on me 2 times.. and other stuff.. =( Advice PLEASE!

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    Old 10-16-2003, 12:00 PM   #1
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    Angry My girlfriend - cheated on me 2 times.. and other stuff.. =( Advice PLEASE!

    Ok, here's the long story in a nutshell [yeah this is the small version unfortunatly].

    June 5th, August 2002, my girlfriend went to England to visit her brother stationed in the air force. While over there, she went to a club, and basically met a guy at a club while she was dancing - started making out, he asked her if she wanted to go somewhere less crowded, so they went into the women's bathroom, and basically "heavy petting" happened [no oral sex or anything, just feeling up and down]. She came home June 20th and right away I knew something was wrong when she was in the van on the way home telling us all [her family and I] about her trip, and when she got to the part about the club, she kinda skipped over that and was like "Yeah..." as if she had remembered a good memory - but didn't explain anything more than "I went to a club thursday."

    So I went to her house and asked her if anything happened, she told me she kissed a guy and that was it, and I was ****** about that already but I forgave her cause she said she was sorry. But I left her house early that night and went home, and when we talked that night on the phone it took from 11:30 PM - 4:40 AM for her to admit what she did to me. I basically interogated her because I knew something was wrong, so finally she spilled the beans. I told her don't talk to me ever again.

    So she calls the next day, and I'm still sore about it but the idiot that I am, I forgave her, and said lets try to work it out. Well, then the following October she goes to this Halloween party in michigan, and it was her best friend Mellissa's party, and Mel's boyfriend at the time drove anne up there since Anne didn't want to drive by herself [anne being my girlfriend]. So I was like whatever have fun, I had to work then so I couldn't go.

    Well, now, basically a year later, I got on yahoo messenger and someone added me to their buddy list called "Seerofallthings2003". I denied his request to add me to their list and replied "Please tell me who you are before you go adding me to your friends list". He replies saying "I know Anne, and I know some stuff she's done that you may or may not want to know." - so I figured it might have been one of Anne's friends not wanting to be known trying to tell me about England. So I asked them, what has Anne supposably done? And they said she's had sex with someone - and it was recently. So immediately, I flipped.

    I asked all my friends online, hey, do you know seerofallthings2003? Etc.. until finally Bruce gets online [Melissa's boyfriend]. They've been broken up for about 5 months now, so I message him, "Hey, do you know who this person is" and told them what they said to me. He told me it could be one of melissa's friends. I was confused, and he said "I swore never to tell you this, but Anne and I did some stuff". So he basically goes on to tell me Anne gave Bruce head. So, I immediately laughed because Anne always says "Oh Bruce is ugly and fat" blah blah.. and he is not attractive at all, and is overweight, so I figured thats how she saw him.

    So I called Anne, asked her if this was true and she said "No - I don't know why hes feeding you this bull ****". So I believed her, and got back online. My friend Erin told me I should call Melissa. So I called her, and immediately after I told her about telling bruce about this guy IMing me, she said "Did that little **** tell you what happened up here? [in michigan]." So she was VERY reluctant to tell me what happened - but I forced it out of her telling her it was very vital that I know, so she confirmed it. Saying that she witnessed it, everyone was drunk at the time except Anne herself [ironically]. So I called Anne and she said "No - I don't know why they are feeding you this bull****, maybe they are trying to break us up and have been planning this for a while or something." So I believed her, again, until I got online again and talked to my friend Erin.

    Erin tells me that I should call Melissa and have her go on 3-way calling with Anne so I can trap Anne into saying it so I can hear it and have proof. So I call Melissa, and she told me Anne just called her, and asked why is she telling me this - that Melissa and Bruce swore never to tell me because of what would happen. So I called Anne back and I asked her if she called Melissa recently, and right away I knew she was lieing because she goes, "Mellissa?" - when they answer a question with a question, especially when its an EASY question, you know they're lieing.. so it turns out she asked Mellissa to lie to me and tell me "it was just a joke me and bruce have been planning, don't get all worked up" or something. Melissa didnt' tell me that, Anne did. So.. I had Anne meet me at this point [1AM] at walmart, and we broke it up. I asked her how can she easily lie to me and cheat on me like this and wait THIS LONG and sleep at night? And she said she was sorry, and cried, and bawled, etc, and I just said sorry we're through.

    Well, the next day we were suppose to go to this fair together with Hot Air Balloons and I went anyway and saw Anne there - so naturally we sticked together and hung out. (Mind you, We've been together 3 years on October 27th, 2003 so I'm really attached). We weren't dating, infact she hardly talked to me cause she knew what she did was wrong. She told me it was unfair that I was there cause all she wants to do is just hug me and tell me sorry, and go home that night and cuddle like we did almost every night I had off work.. and now at this point she couldn't, so that night I went home with her and we talked about it and I basically just wanted to forgive her and forget about it, and sleep and cuddle with her, and see if it felt the same. And when I woke up that morning, it was like every other morning we cuddled together except for the fact of I couldn't stop thinking about what she did. So now, we're at this point - 3 or so weeks later from that day, and I readded "Seerofallthings2003" to my yahoo friends list, asking him what he knows and how and who he is and told him I'm giving him 1 chance to tell me.

    Turns out hes friends with a cousin of Luke, who is Anne's friend Kathleen's current boyfriend, and claims that he was talking to luke's cousin online and his cousin said "I just got off the phone with Luke, I interupted Anne and him having sex, oops" and he tried real hard to find my screenname to contact me about it. So now, I have to confront Anne AGAIN about THIS... and I'm about sick of it. Not to mention, Anne has two brothers in the service, one in the air force and one in the army, and the one in the army got back from Iraq and has pictures of who he killed and Anne is INTERESTED by these! I'm so disturbed by THIS fact, because now she had the nerve to ask me if they could use my computer to ******** this video off his digital camera of "What he's done over there" and I said "Does it involve seeing people get killed" and she said yes.. so I said no, and we argued and my point is, you shouldn't WANT to see people die, the stories should be ENOUGH! I told her that's absolutely disturbing and if she considers herself a christian (which I am too) then she should pray about why she believes all this.

    PLEASE I need advice, I'm SOOO sorry that I typed all of this but I need some experienced people to give me advice. I'm only 19 and live in ohio and I'm sure you guys will help me out. Thanks a TON

    "I will write of him who fights and vanquishes his sins, who struggles on through weary years against himself... and wins." -Caroline B. LeRow
    "I will write of him who fights and vanquishes his sins, who struggles on through weary years against himself... and wins." -Caroline B. LeRow

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    Old 10-16-2003, 12:16 PM   #2
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    I really really think you should break up with her. Period. When I had a steady boyfriend, I did not cheat. In only one long-term relationship (7-years), I did cheat once (and he cheated too at least once) and it was so awful that I nver cheated again. SO THERE ARE FAITHFUL WOMEN AROUND! Just be sure you are faithful, too.

    I know the loneliness might be hard to bear at first but please don't settle for someone who is a liar and a cheat.

    Old 10-16-2003, 12:36 PM   #3
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    That it realy hard to take , if I were you I would leave her in a heart beat. I am sure you would ask why? Once a cheat always a cheat , some girls when they are drinking become very flurtatious and can and will make mistakes, like what happen to you . It will hurt I am sure to leave her but in the end you will come out on top . I think she probally is not telling you every thing when she went to visit her brother and if she slept with this other guy ,you would almost think she slept with both guys . To say I am sory after you do that just isnt enough . I have seen those type of girls and they just break your heart and we all know the heart is to fragile to be played with like that. Move on and stay strong .

    Old 10-16-2003, 01:57 PM   #4
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    I have to agree with Nick, why would you even want to continue a relationship with someone that treats you like she has?

    She lies, she cheats - does she have any positive quality except that you have been going out with her for 3 years?

    One of my own personal buttons that she pushed is that she didn't keep it a secret, everyone knew but you. That was always one of my biggest fears, playing the fool for a cheat. Let her go, find a nice girl.

    Old 10-16-2003, 02:01 PM   #5
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    She's a christian, I am too. She is awesome to hang out with - and not everyone knew but me, only those involved [Bruce, Melissa and herself] knew about it because her other friends are close with me too, they would have told me. I don't know how to break up with her though, I mean - I do, I can just say we need to move on but it's going to suck. Also, what does anyone have to say about the dead people stuff? I'm extremely bothered by that too. Also - I gave ANne a promise ring when we were dating a year. Should I ask for that back?
    "I will write of him who fights and vanquishes his sins, who struggles on through weary years against himself... and wins." -Caroline B. LeRow

    Old 10-16-2003, 02:10 PM   #6
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    I really don't know how to respond to the dead people stuff, I guess some people are fascinated by it, I am not. It would make me think she is a little strange.

    Without sounding like too much of a hypocrit, how strong could her christian values be? I am trying not to be judgemental because that is also not very christian, I just hate it when someone pretends to be a christian but they are just doing lip service, they are not trying to live the life.

    As far as the promise ring goes, you gave it to her and I guess she could keep it, you don't really want it back do you? It would only keep reminding you of her and another girl would never want a ring that you once gave to someone else.

    I feel like I am not giving you what you need to hear, maybe some more people will write in with better suggestions. Monday

    Old 10-16-2003, 02:51 PM   #7
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    I have to agree that breaking it off completely and forever is your best bet. Besides the fact of her cheating on you she put you at risk for any number of stds. Kissing and oral sex can pass stds just like intercourse. She doesnt seem to have any respect for you with all she has done.

    Now for the dead bodies. We all have some morbid quirks in us. For example most people when they see a car accident slow down and try to see whatever they can. You know it happens even for the most minor of things. Then look at the shows and movies on tv. I am a big fan of CSI and many know the reason that show is such a hit is because it caters to our morbid quirks. The nice thing is we know with tv shows and movies most times it isnt real. Take a look at the news,we see all kinds of stuff on there that is morbid but in most cases people sit and watch. So just because she wants to see the pictures and movie her brother made doesnt make her a bad person or all that strange. Granted I do have to say that her brother took the pictures and movie of those he killed is just a bit too morbid.

    A little side track here...sorry,Monday and Hoosier there is a post on the general sexual health board that coudl really use your wise words. It is about being pressured for sex. Since sex issues cant be posted on here and I know you two tend to hang out on this board I figured I would give you a heads up on that post. I think the woman could really use some others with wise words for her.
    Married 3/25/95
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    Old 10-16-2003, 02:52 PM   #8
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    I think this relationship was pretty intense for anyone, let alone some folks in their late teens.
    A couple things in your letter stood out. I'm mentioning them because they concerned me.
    First, there was alot of "interrogating", "trapping", "forcing", etc. by you to collect information about your girlfriend.
    Second, there was alot of contacting of third parties (AOL, phone, etc) to find out what was going on with your girlfriends sex life.

    That stuff should really stay between you, and her.
    How many people that you "grilled" will now have some idea of what she has been doing behind your back? Do you want to stay with someone when everyone YOU know now knows what SHE'S been up to? It's hard to forgive something and put it behind you when you've told so many people that you both know personally.

    Personally I believe that most people need to date around a bit before they settle down. There are exceptions to the rule, and that may be you. But SHE may be perfectly normal - and not ready to be in a committed relationship yet for the rest of her life...

    (Thanks for the heads-up Blastoff9600. I'm heading over there now...)

    [This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 10-16-2003).]

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