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jz10 11-08-2010 07:59 AM

Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
I dont think i am crazy , but i probably am .
I know how it looks from my perspective, but objectively , i think it appears crazy .

from my point of view, ,i can say , .

D deleted me .

I knew she would
i feared she would
i dreaded she would
i prayed she wouldnt .

We Broke up 10 years ago .

She was upset .
I said ' maybe we should take a break ' ( as i thought thats what she wanted to hear )
She said ' Break , .. yes lets take 10 years .. you can go to Australia like you wanted '

I didn't go to Australia , but moved away.
Met a woman , got married , worked the 9-5 .

10 years later , last week , November 2010 , D adds me on ******** .
I had no way of ever finding her .

Really blew my mind , like I imagined it / Hallucinated ?
She had her 4 friends on from 10 years ago , and me . Surely she had met more people than that in 10 years .
maybe this was a second account , in her maiden name , and she was reminiscing about the 5 of us that she knew back then .

She added me , 10 years alater,
as she said she would
she did her part of the bargain

i didnt want to hold her to it
i absolved her , of putting a bullet in my head
invited her to do it .
begged her to do it

she added me on ******** .

i requested it about 2 years ago .
no reply
wasnt even sureif it was the right person .

no postings to her wall.

i emailed initially , after leaving it for a day , 1 day , to pretend to be nonchalant ,
then after 1 day , couldnt hold out,
only might have one opportunity , before she deleted, me ,
didnt want her to think i didnt care.

' hi
nice to hear from you
if you are in london , feel free to give me a shout


appearing , trying to , be a bit laid back .

no reply ..

i'll certainly buy you a drink , . i need a drink .. in work , cant talk . or think too well , but really amazing to hear from you '

- no reply .
i'm sure she's not THAT deperate for a drink after 10 years .
what did / does it all mean > ?

3. " i thought i was dreaming , when you added , em , still not sure if I am hallucincating ... woudl be nice to hear form you , if even to reassure me , its not a nigerian scam'

no reply .
humour didnt work .
what does this mean ?

4. anyway , thought id share with you , what id been up to .
moved to london , working away etc... how did you get on ? did you move back home ?etc

no reply ..i thought she wanted to be friends , so tried to make small talk .
no reply
what do i need to do to get a response ?
its this passive aggressive business .. like i have to guess what the matter is after 10 years .
i'll keep trying..

5. ' ok , sorry , please delete my rambling emails . i dont know what to make of this . i dont know what to say' .

no reply .
being bit passive aggressive .
read up on passive aggressive
advised , dont get angry
try to explain

6. ' hi , i think you are punishing me , i wish you'd tell me what was wrong . i wish i could read your mind . let me know if you'd like to talk , so i can make it better. i really value our friendship/

no reply .
started to get a bit fed up , waiting for the inevitable 'delete'... fed up with this , so boring and predictable .
i'd tried to contact 3 times over the past 10 years.
it was left in a very dramatic way .... 'take a break .. yes for about 10 years ' , ...
Me: maybe i'll go over to Lithuania sometime.
'you'll never meet anyone like me again , no matter where you look '

I couldnt handle being in the city , maybe bumping into her , maybe seeing her with some other guy .
i moved to Dublin , then quit moved to Scotland , then England , and threw myself into my work for 10 years .

I met a nice Woman , supportive , kind ,patient , who could ignore my mild mood swings , irritability , like a naughty child , knowing my bark is worse than my bite, and by not repsonding , and maybe getting me a cup of coffee or treating me with some kindness , it would embarrass me listening to myself , and i'd settle down .
My mother had the opposite approach to my Dad .
If he was ****** off , she'd smile , relishing it as an opportunity to point score on him , and add petrol to the flames , to escale into world war III .
i just wanted away out of that .
I never wanted a relationship like that .

7 . I thought , ok .. she added me as a friend , and i treated her like a friend , but she hasnt replied , so i dont think she wants to be friends , so why add me.
does she want to embarrass or humilate me in front of my friends online? these are all my collegues , it could destroy my reputation if she started arguing personal stuff in public.

i emailed , ' i dont know why you added me . i thought you wanted to be friends , you havent replied to any of my emails . i think its quite passive aggressive . i dont know what to say . i never knew what you saw in me , i never knew what made you happy , i never knew what i said that annoyed you . i dont know why you;ve added me now , i wont understand , there is no point , trying to understand .. i dont want to go to any heroic lengths , either we are going to meet half way or not , btu i am not going to do all the running . i am not apologising anymore , it was 10 years ago . i am angry hat you left me 10 years ago , its been like a french tragedy , where the guy ends up dead or messed up in some way . i dont know what you want from me .
i am married , working away . i never thought id hear from you again . if you hadn't added me , i'd have had no way to ever find you . i dont know what country you are in , what your circumstances are , i cant speak Hungarian .

no reply

8 , ok , i am sorry , i really appreciate that you added me . i am just frustrated that you added me , and havent communicated with me .
I was thinking maybe you wer in trouble or something.
is everything ok?
i am glad you havent deleted me , as i thought you would .
I think that we can / i can talk honestly ( you are welcome to ) , means we are over the worst of it . its just a lot for me to take in and i'm trying to make sense of it .
i hope that it is true that you havent wanted to delete me , instead of you maybe havet just checked your emails , and then you recieve these 8 emails and go . 'this guy is crazy ' and delete me
its affecting my sleep , i cant settle my mind . please help me out

no reply

9 . dear dear D ,
i just want to say that i have tremendous respect and affection for you , and i hope you wil take this in the construcive way its meant , but i think some of your behaviour is passisve aggressive .
added link to wikipedia ' passive aggressive' ' anti-social ' personality disorder .

do you think any of these may be the way you are feeling .
if you are angry with me , please talk to me and we can work it out
glad you havent deleted me .

no reply

glad you havent deleted me , ok , lets change the topic .
how are things where you are ?
I'm working on a few business ideas , you might be interested in .

let me know if these are of any interest.

no reply ..

ok , so needed a break .

got a but frustated, on ******** .

bryan ferry ' dotn stop the dance'

killers 'smile like you mean it ' about .. murder trilogy
killers 'jenny was a friend of mine' .. about guy who didnt want to lose his girlfriend and ended up killing her

placebo ' bitter end'
placebo ' twenty years to go '

banksy - street art
picture of helicopter gun ship , with a pink bow on it

basement jaxx cish cash .. synchronised tanks dancing

mr brainwash , - life is beautiful


then just a meeting i was going to
trying to regain some composure

no reply

11. thanks for not deleting me
i am really glad you added me and reassured hat you havent deleted me .
i dont know what to do to take it fom here , but thanks reply

next morning..

--> i'd been deleted !!!


12.i checked her 5 friends , to see if it was just me , but she was gone from their friends list aswell

i have another ******** account . i thought maybe i couldnt see as i was blocked .
i found her friends on my other account ... she was gone from their friends list also .

13..i couldnt understand .. checked other of her friends ... gone from their friend list aswell .
i think she closed her account .

14. in desperation , i emailed her friend , and said , i was deleted, maybe she just didnt want to be in contact with me , but its upset me , and looks liek shes closed her account . had you heard from her recently .

reply ' no , Sorry i cant help you out with D . i havent been in contact with D for many years '...

15 . so now i am totally confused, and dont know what to do .

i might have sent too many emails , but wanted to connect with her .
i started off pleasant enough , but then when didnt reply , i got more frustrated and confused .

I think the message she got , in addition to the many emails was ...
'10 years ... Twenty years to go ( placebo ) .. take 20 years '
jenny was a friend of mine ... this will get you killed .

is it for the best , to leave it .
i can put it behind me , would only be a mistake .
I love her so much it breaks my heart , but its a disaster area.
My life has felt like a a black and white french film for 10 years .
is it not understandable i'd be angry confused and upset .
should she not have borne with me .

or did she just want me to be upset , as I'm sure she knew how i'd react , and as i reacted as she predicted .. that it would hurt me to delete me .. ignore me , see me rise , ... ignore .. delete me .... is that not a slap to me ? is that what she wanted ?

What do I do now ?

I invited her to linkedIn , and had a visit from a university in Hungary .
She studied in Hungary , though a different university , before she met me , so she might have returned there .

my gut reaction is to fly out to Hungary , to try to get some answers , but that would only be more crazy .
is that what she wants me to do , or just to hurt me .
am i being a coward , in not following her , finding her the past 10 years .

I settled for the safe option , quiet life , no drama , surburban domesticity with a wife who says she cares about me , but we live mostly independant lives and never go out , or do anything together .

Am i being a Coward ? or should i Do something?
I dont know how to make sense of it , or what to do .

Ely4 11-08-2010 08:25 AM

Re: Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
You broke up with her 10 years ago. You moved away, got on with your life, got married.

If she wanted contact she would have replied to your posts without removing you.

You're coming across as obsessed with her, and you could possibly have scared her off.

You need to let go of the past, forget about her and get on with your own life.

cryingforever 11-08-2010 10:10 AM

Re: Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
what about your wife? your married so why you trying to talk to your ex ?

EagleRiverDee 11-08-2010 11:07 AM

Re: Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
Your ex friended you and then you bombarded her with emails that got progressively more obsessive. You very likely scared her. You would have scared me. You definitely don't sound over her, not even close.

And flying out there? No- don't do it. If you do something like that, you will cross the line over to "stalker". Not good.

cryingforever 11-08-2010 11:17 AM

Re: Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
if you are married you shouldnt be chasing your ex. i think you should leave your poor wife she doesn't deserve this at all. how would you feel? as for the ex yeah you most likely scared her off and i think its a good thing that she deleted you off ** so then nothing can progress and cause alot of heartache for other people involved. my sympathy is with the wife. just forget the ex. 10 years later , you don't seem to be over her at all and just settled for an easy life with the wife. what about the kids aswell ?

Kszan 11-08-2010 11:21 AM

Re: Ex-Girlfriend on Facebook - Confused and Heartbroken
I don't understand a lot of your post because it doesn't make a lot of sense. But if you're asking where to go from here, I think it's pretty clear that you need to find a way to let this go and move on. You're married to someone else and it's been 10 years, what is the point of rehashing all of this? Would it have changed anything that you are doing with your life right now? Would you leave your wife and go hang out with her instead? What was your goal with all of your emails? A better way to handle it would have been to send her 1 message saying hi how you been, blah blah. If she didn't reply then there is your answer. Instead of turning this into some quest that would only lead to trouble, you should just leave it be and move on.

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