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He treats me like one of the guys.

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Old 01-24-2011, 01:28 AM   #1
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vigintitres HB User
He treats me like one of the guys.

So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and he's a year and some months younger than me. (I just turned 19 and he'll be 18 this year) At first we had the perfect relationship: we talked all the time, hung out all the time, were inseparable, etc. Now, I know relationships don't STAY like that so it's not just ignorance speaking. But what we had was really good, in my opinion. A year later though, things are a lot different. In between then and now, I have been to military boot camp, completely abandoned him for 5 months, we broke up for a couple of months and then I ended up coming back home and we got back together. I came home to him having really bad anxiety, being completely different, and blaming my leaving for his behavior, and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. Partly because I know that me leaving really hurt him. There really isn't much romance between us and he pretty much just treats me like one of his friends. I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that he loves and cares for me, but he just doesn't show it how he used to. We see each other every day, and hang out with the same people, but I don't have very many female friends so it seems as though we are ALWAYS together. Even then, when we're together, we're not really "together." He's either playing video games, on the computer, or something else. Once again, I know he can't be with me 24/7 but it would be nice if he understood that I just want his undivided attention SOMETIMES. When we're good, we're really good. But when we're bad, we're really, really bad. We argue all the time, mainly because I get needy and clingy sometimes and he gets aggravated with it. I feel like my constant need for attention is ruining us, but other times, I feel like he doesn't care, which isn't true. He likes to pick on me and irritate me because he thinks it's funny, and doesn't understand that I get offended sometimes. Also, for one reason or another, he doesn't have a car for whatever reason, or a job because his anxiety is so bad so I'm always driving and always paying for things, which is super frustrating for me. I just never have the right words to talk to him about this subject because he's so touchy and gets mad about it really easy. I don't know what to do.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-24-2011 at 04:42 PM.

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Old 01-24-2011, 05:07 PM   #2
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baffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB User
Re: He treats me like one of the guys.

I'm sorry to say that he isn't treating you like the guys. He's treating you worse.

I know you're both young, but he's acting very immature. He's not treating you with respect and is blaming you for his issues and for trying to get ahead in this world. When you went to boot camp, what did he do? What does he plan on doing? I think he might be butt hurt because you're doing something and he's not.

Anyways, YOU are making it so easy for him to treat you like this. In a good relationship there's communication. In a good relationship there's respect for your partner (e.g. they don't try to belittle you). In a good relationship the other person shows you that they care and wants to spend time with you.

Can you say that about your situation now? All he's doing is putting a guilt trip on you for his immaturity. He's using this to use you and you keep allowing him. You try to defend him by saying he cares about you, but can you really say that after what you wrote? That's how you show you care for someone?

Based on my experience I think it might be the best time to cut the cord and move on. Learn from this experience and move onto someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated. YOU can decide to allow this to continue or you can choose what is best for you. You're still so young, there's so much time and people that you will meet that you'll find someone special.

Good Luck and thank you for you service!

Old 01-26-2011, 11:06 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
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rreyes99 HB User
Re: He treats me like one of the guys.

Fisrt of all I want to say thank you for enlisting in the military (Assuming you went to Military Boot Camp). Second, from being married to my HS Sweeheart for 12 years, I can tell you that it can be rough sometime at such young age. Shame on him for blaming you for getting hurt while you went away on business. Obviously in the real coorporate world if you were married, and if you got a job that required lots of traveling during the would not work. It's time to move on and begin the healing process. As much as you would want it to work and how hurt you might be about moving on, move deserve better. There are good guys out there that are real man!

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