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My drinking wife and my dilema

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Old 02-20-2011, 09:34 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2011
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whattodo1977 HB User
My drinking wife and my dilema

My wife drinks a large bottle Chardonnay everyday, more on the weekends. She has has chronic shingles for more than 2 years. 1-2 months with Shingles and then maybe 1-2 without. The cycle continues. I really feel for her cause it is awful and she has received no real help, but worse won't be proactive to get help. She drank a lot before all this, but now she takes Percocet everyday, even when the shingles have eventually subsided. At first, due to the fact that she got no relief from anything, I was like "well, whatever helps you feel better".

She is completely functioning, never misses work, works hard and does a good job. But it affects our relationship. Sunday is designated by her and usually consists of brunch at 10-10:30am with drinking and ends at 9-10pm at night. Her sister in law, an alcoholic is usually her counterpart. I don't want anything to go with Sunday Fun Day and find myself, depressed, comtemplating divorce, etc.

When I broach the subject or when I'm in a bad mood as a result of her drinking, she's drunk and not worth having a conversation with. She can't hold a conversation most anytime because "i'm attacking her".

I'm on the brink. Sometimes I want out, other times, I'd rather just not live. She's such a nice person, but worthless when she's drunk. Sex life is poor to mediocre, particularly considering we have no kids. We take 1 step forward and 3 steps back.

Looking for guidance. I'm tired of making her doctor appointments, and won't consider getting her help because she is not proactive and it goes nowhere.


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Old 02-21-2011, 12:46 AM   #2
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Re: My drinking wife and my dilema

Also, like the other poster, I am no expert. I don't know exactly what causes addiction to heavy drinking, but maybe by drinking that much your wife is trying not to look at reality. Maybe she finds her life empty and for some reason prefers the anesthesia of alcohol to doing something to change her life.

Why don't you have children? Was that an option?

Yeah, this is affecting you terribly. The bottomline is that she is ill and doesn't want to be cured (at least not consciously).

I think you should give her an ultimatum: either she accepts a treatment and you both reorganize your marriage or you leave.

Old 02-21-2011, 12:27 PM   #3
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Re: My drinking wife and my dilema

Have you ever thought about going to an Al-Anon meeting or about reading any of their literature. That may help you decide what to do. The bottom line is that you cannot control her behavior. If she isn't willing to try to stop and you can't deal with living with an alcoholic then you know what you have to do. You have two choices: live with it or leave her.

Old 02-22-2011, 01:36 PM   #4
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Re: My drinking wife and my dilema

maybe you should try talking to her, before she starts drinking, even if its 5 AM while shes getting ready for work. obviously, express how important this is to you and how important yalls relationship is and how it needs to be discussed while shes sober. if she continues to reach for the alcohol or brush you off then maybe try an intervention. does anyone else see that she has a problem? like her parents or sisters/brothers, friends??? im sure they would love to help you.

people with an addiction dont know/dont care that they are hurting others and its the hardest thing another person can watch a loved one juggle. an addiction is the "person" in control.. she can't rid this disease this by herself.

Last edited by colormecrazy; 02-22-2011 at 01:38 PM.

Old 02-27-2011, 05:12 AM   #5
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Re: My drinking wife and my dilema

I am with an alcoholic, too. My brother sent me a book "Escape From Intimacy". It illustrates how impossible it is to have true intimacy with an addict. I am in the dark myself and don't feel that I'm in a position to help, but wonder if you (like me) could have a problem with selecting mates?

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