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Old 03-27-2011, 03:31 PM   #1
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Next step


I'm in a bind whether to take the next step in my relationship or not. I've been dating this girl for a little over 4 years. We don't have the excitement and passion of the first year but definitely understand and respect each other better. We love each other a lot. My mom doesn't like her but the rest of my family does and they all get along. I don't care particularly for her family as they firstly speak a language I don't understand and for those that speak English, we don't really communicate all that much. There are no rifts but I'm wondering how much of an issue, if at all is this going to be in the future.

Another thing (probably the only thing) that I dislike about her she isn't too social and just likes to hang out and meet family while I like to make new friends and spend some time with them as well

I have to decide on the next step now

Appreciate any responses I get

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Old 03-27-2011, 03:38 PM   #2
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Re: Next step

Originally Posted by rajtp View Post
I have to decide on the next step now

Appreciate any responses I get
So, are you asking whether you should stay together or break up based on what you stated above? You're the only one who can make that decision. We can't tell you one way or another. It's your life, you gotta decide what you want. Do you love her? Do you want to be with her? Then stay. I don't know what else to tell you.

Old 03-28-2011, 04:43 AM   #3
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Re: Next step

You have been dating this girl for over four years! Don't get me wrong, but this is rather unusual these days. Why for so long, if I may ask?

Why does your mother not like her? Do you think this could have an impact on your relationship with this girl? Have you ever tried to show your mother that there is no valid reason for her to dislike the girl, unless the girl has done something bad to your mother, but I don't think this is the case.

Is the girl currently pressing you to marry her? Subtly or not?

It is really difficult to tell you what to do. From your post we get the impression that there are more cons than pros in this relationship. I guess you guys need to talk about the future and be honest about what each of you expect from the other and what each of you is willing to offer the other.

Then make the decision to stay or break up. It won't be easy, but it's better to face this now than down the road into marriage.

Old 03-28-2011, 04:58 AM   #4
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Re: Next step

If you are having to ask strangers this question, then I think the answer is 'no'. You will know without a doubt if you are with the one you want to spend your life with. You won't be looking for possible future problems.

Last edited by Seraph; 03-28-2011 at 04:59 AM.

Old 03-28-2011, 07:19 AM   #5
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Re: Next step

My wife and I were together for 5 years before tying the knot. We lived together for 4 of those years. I cannot stress enough how important it is to actually live with someone to know if you are truly compatible. If you're not living together yet, then that might be a good next step.

Honestly, though, it doesn't sound like this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with--you seem sort of flippant about your whole relationship with her. While the initial passion does die down some, it gets replaced with a truer and stronger bond which means a whole lot more than butterflies in your stomach.

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Old 03-28-2011, 07:56 AM   #6
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Re: Next step

When you are ambivalent about someone and don't know whether or not you really want to be with this person then a good book to read is: Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay.

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