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  • I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

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    Old 04-16-2011, 07:46 PM   #1
    xxSpiceKitten
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    Unhappy I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Hi, I didn't know what do anymore since I feel like I am in a bad time in my life.

    Well, let me start off to say that this is about my relationship. I'm nineteen and I am engaged. I've been with my fiancé for three years. It's going to be four in July. I feel like I don't feel the same about him like I used to. I feel like everything is changing between us and that I don't have that same 'head over heels' feeling I have for him.

    We went through a lot. I'll admit to you guys, I did cheat on him about a year and a half ago. And I told him and we did go on a break for a while, but we got back together. But after that, our relationship changed. I felt like it was my fault for the reason why he is being like this, but he basically is starting to ask me more about what I do when I go out with friends, and calling me and texting me more while I'm out. And it's becoming really overwhelming.

    Last week, I told him that I was going to a party and he basically freaked out on me. He started to become depress when I mentioned going to the party. I decided that I didn't want to go if he was going to be depressed, but he told me that I could go. So I did go.

    To be honest, it was my first time going out in months. Since every time I told him that I was going out with my friends, he got upset with me so I would cancel.

    Now, another thing to mention, we're in a long distance relationship since he is going to a different college than me. So I don't spend time around him physically. We do get to visit each other, which is fun, but the last time I visited him, I felt odd because he acted strangely with me.

    Before I go into that though, he came to visit me last summer and it was fun the first couple of days, but after that, his mood became foul and when we were with friends, he said the most...inappropriate stuff to my friends.
    • Calling one of my friends a ******.
    • One of my friends was wearing a german dress for fun, and he commented about how she would be raped with that she was wearing where he lived.

    I felt horrible that he did that. I apologized to them and he apologized, but they weren't have it. Luckily, they are giving him a second chance when he comes back this summer, but I don't know if I want them to meet him since the reason why he was even acting like that was because he was off his medicine. I don't want to make it sound like an excuse, but it is true. Since he has both ADHD and ADD.

    I know this is a lot stuff to mention, but, there's just a lot of problems that is coming up.

    Like when I visited him, he was alright with me. He was much nicer and that foul mood didn't come up again. But, he was rough with me. And when I mean rough, I'll give you examples. At one point, he would always like to kiss me, which is cute, but he would grab my arm and pull me down to kiss him if he was laying on the bed, which he left bruises on my arm when he did. I told him to be lighter with me, but he would tell me that he would, but he continued to do it anyways. Especially when his medicine is wearing off, he becomes rougher. And when it comes to sex, he is very rough to the point that it hurts. So I wouldn't be all that accepting to sex with him when he asks to do it.

    I feel like I am jumping around and stuff, which I don't mean to, but I'm just bringing up stuff that seem to be off to me.

    At one point, I had a guy friend who we've been friends since we were 6. And I told my fiance that he used to be in love with me, but I have told him that we wouldn't be in a relationship because I told my guy friend that I didn't want to be. But when I told my fiancé that, he got upset with me and told me to stop talking to him. Which I did.

    The one thing that bothered me was that he had been in a relationship previously with his best friend (who is female) and still remains to be her friend. But when he talked to her on phone (when he was with me), he would always leave the room. Why that bothers me is because if I did that, he would follow me.

    For me, I would admit that I tend to be harsh with him too. That I would complain that he is out to too late with his friends, but I have since stopped that because I realized it was unreasonable since we spend every day with each other over the phone.

    Another thing that bothers me is that when we have issues, he doesn't talk to me directly about them. Or if he feels like I am hiding something, he doesn't talk to me directly. In fact, he "friended" my friends on ** and he would sometimes talk to them and ask them what I do or what we are doing if we are going out. And it bothered me deeply because it feels like he doesn't come to me about anything and just attempts to get information out of them even though he can ask me since I don't have anything to hide.

    Maybe this is all too much to comprehend or something, but I feel like with all of these issues, that I don't feel like we're the same couple we used to be. Like when I cheated on him, it had set a course of doom in our relationship and no matter what I do is never going to change that..



    What should I do..?

    Last edited by xxSpiceKitten; 04-16-2011 at 07:47 PM. Reason: Adding in question.

     
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    Old 04-17-2011, 06:30 AM   #2
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Hi there. First off, I would like to say that I can imagine that you are going through a difficult time and these issues can be very painful. When thinking back over your story, I keep flashing back to the point where you said he has been so rough with you that he has left bruises on your arm and you have talked to him about being more gentle and he still has not stopped doing that. That is not being respectful of someone you love. You mentioned you had cheated on him before and I know that we all can make mistakes. BUT it was his choice to get back together with you. Do not be too hard on yourself about this because, as I said everyone does things they regret and makes mistakes sometimes. But also, as I said too, he did make a choice to get back together with you. I am definitely seeing things from a distant perspective but I do not feel it is fair for him to be constantly asking you, and your friends for that matter, what you are doing all of the time. If he is feeling afraid or worried about getting hurt, I believe he should deal with these feelings rather than trying to play detective all of the time. From a completely objective viewpoint, your story did not paint a healthy picture of a relationship. HOWEVER, I do not know you or your relationship, so I can only go by what I am reading. I would ask yourself this: If things were to continue to go on this way, would you really want to marry this guy? It sounds like he has some things to work out about himself too. I would also say that college is a time of self exploration and growth and sometimes relationship issues complicate the process (that is my personal experience anyway-I went through it! ). You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Remember, you still have your entire life ahead of you! I cannot tell you what you SHOULD do, you'll have to decide that for yourself. But ask yourself what is important to you and how you want to be treated. Take responsibility for yourself, ask yourself what you value and want, and be honest with yourself. It can be very difficult, I understand. Hang in there.
    seekcalmness

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 08:06 AM   #3
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    You CANNOT blame yourself for his behavior, Spicekitten. Even if you did cheat. Like seekcalmness said, it was his choice to get back together with you, which means it's up to BOTH of you to make the relationship work. It's up to you to earn back his trust and to be trustworthy, but it's up to HIM to stop punishing you, forgive you and accept you and trust you again. It's not fair for him to continue to punish you after a year and a half.

    Much of his behavior, the being rough with you to the point of causing you pain or leaving bruises, following you when you're on a phone call, the demanding that you cut friends out of your life, belittling your friends and embarrassing you in front of them, these are very controlling behaviors, and they are borderline abusive.

    I think at the very least, you should put any wedding plans on hold. First of all, you're only 19, and when you think about all the changes you will both go through in the next decade, your first real job, getting your career on track, the people you will meet on the job, getting a nice or a nicer apartment, maybe even a home, basically becoming a real adult with a lot of real adult responsibilities, you have to trust me on this, you will NOT be the same person 10 years from now that you are today. Give yourself time to get really into that life that's coming up before you seriously consider choosing a life mate. I mean, you don't even really know who you will be 10 years from now, so how can you choose the perfect person to be with you 10 years from now? Especially someone you've been with since you were 16, 17. You also need to consider, if this is how hard this relationship is the rare times he IS around, how much worse will it be to deal with when you two live together and he's hurting you, pulling you down, belittling your friends, following you aroud, having one standard for himself and another standard for you when it comes to friends of the opposite sex, monitoring your behavior, ALL THE TIME??

    I get the feeling you want to accept this behavior and treatment from him because a part of you feels you deserve it because of the cheating. But that's no way to live. No matter how badly a partner has messed up, if the other partner makes the choice to stay, then it's up to THEM to get over the wrong and stop holding it over the partner's head forever. No one deserves to live in prison forever for a relationship mistake. For me, this unspoken, subconscious refusal to forgive you would be a deal-breaker for me. That's just no way to live.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 10:18 AM   #4
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    get rid of him he sounds like a right bully.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 12:38 PM   #5
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Regardless of whether or not you cheated on him, he has NO right to treat you like that. Hurting you, leaving bruises, not stopping when you tell him he is hurting you, is abuse. The things he says to your friends is worrying.

    You, understandably, don't feel the same way about him any more, he controls you, abuses you, you don't want to have sex with him. He has one rule for you and another for himself. I think you know deep down that this is not a healthy relationship and that you should not be marrying him.

    For your own sake, leave and don't look back. You deserve better than this.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 06:18 PM   #6
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Thank you all for your advice. I have been thinking about this all day since I put this up here.

    Another thing that has gotten me worried is the way he speaks about women too. I mean, I don't even know if this is a big deal or not, but when we watch something together, and there's a woman on there he doesn't like, he's very aggressive about calling the woman names.

    I know that there are times they're are female or male characters that we don't like, but it's been so hostile that it frightens me sometimes. Like he would call them c***, *******, ******, etc.

    And half of the time, he would keep telling me that he was joking around or kidding, but it's odd to me how aggressive he would be towards them especially the fact that they're not even real people, just characters in shows or movies.

    Another that has bothered me was when we were talking about living arrangements. Well, I told him that I wanted to stay in California (I'm very, very close to my mom and my friends) and I didn't want to live anywhere else. Well, he considered living in California for a while, but it wasn't until two weeks ago that he decided that we should live in Texas. Now, it isn't a bad place, but the fact I told him I wanted to stay here, just because I do worry about my mom (I'm her only child) and I would like to be near her if anything happens.

    So he decided that we should live in Colorado. Now, I told him before hand how expensive living in California would be (I am willing to work two jobs just to stay here) and he said that he understood. But now it just doesn't seem like he is taking what I am saying into consideration anymore. He keeps telling me that he is doing these things for us, but it doesn't feel like it when he doesn't really talk to me about these things.

    I have more things...but I feel like they are just stuff I need to get out since I never had a chance to tell anyone about these things.

    Well, he guilt trips me about things. Like previously when I mentioned about going out and such, two times he mentioned to me about a friend who had died in a car accident years before. (Not sure when. He never disclosed that with me.) When I told him that I was going on a Girl's Night Out, he got weird on me. And told me how his friend who was a girl had decided to do that with her own group of friends and was killed in a car accident since they were drinking and driving.

    I stressed to him, told him that my friends aren't like that. That they were very responsible and that if any of them do drink, they would stay at the place they are at until they are sober or would call someone to pick us all up to stay over night at their house. The mentioning of staying over at someone's house bothered him also.

    The reason why I mention this is because it was odd to me how he brought that up around the same time I mention this to him. I know earlier last year he had a friend who was killed in a Drunk driving accident, but it is only one of two he had told me about. So when he mentioned the one above, it came as odd to me, but I tried not to doubt it because I felt like I would be a bad person for even thinking that he was lying about a friend dying.

    The way he jokes around with me these days are coming off as odd too. When we were friends, we used to playfully insult each other, 'stupid insults', but when we do them now, he comes off as downright mean and he claims that he is joking with me, but I told him that it hurts my feelings when he even say things like that.

    It seems like when I do tell him anything about what he is doing wrong, he turns right back to him and tells me what I have done wrong and how I need to change it and avoid the fact that the conversation is about his behavior. He's done this plenty of times and it makes me want to give up on even asking him to not do things that hurt my feelings or bothers me because when I do, his sentence after that always starts with, '...Yeah, but you do this..' and proceeds to explain what I do.


    It's just frustrating.

    :[

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 06:35 PM   #7
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    He is controlling and manipulative. It isn't going to get any better. The fact that you are engaged at such a young age tells me that he wants to leave his mark on you. Let me guess, you got engaged soon after you cheated on him?

    My dear, you are SO YOUNG and you are in college. You need to seriously start living your life. You should be partying and having girls nights out every week! You should not be worried about moving to another state after college and away from your family, when you should just be focused on school right now. Think of how much you have changed as a person from 16 to 19. You will have big changes from 19-21 and then from 21-25. In other words, the person you are today will be somewhat different from the person you are in just two-five years.


    But as with any relationship, there is little trust. You simply CANNOT have a relationship when trust is broken. He doesn't trust you, so he is trying to control you.

    Another thing is that you cannot change him and he most likely is not going to change. A man that leaves bruises on your arms when he is trying to be affectionate is a gigantic RED FLAG. You seem like a very smart girl to know that this behavior is really not appropriate.

    You need to think better of yourself, that you deserve a man who treats you like a queen. Who doesn't make you choose between your friends and him. There is a much better man out there. I really think you need to move on from this relationship. Best of luck!
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    Last edited by Belly Kelly; 04-17-2011 at 06:37 PM.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 07:58 PM   #8
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by xxSpiceKitten View Post
    It seems like when I do tell him anything about what he is doing wrong, he turns right back to him and tells me what I have done wrong and how I need to change it and avoid the fact that the conversation is about his behavior. He's done this plenty of times and it makes me want to give up on even asking him to not do things that hurt my feelings or bothers me because when I do, his sentence after that always starts with, '...Yeah, but you do this..' and proceeds to explain what I do.


    It's just frustrating.

    :[
    This kind of sounds like you're trying to change him. I can't say I blame you, as he seems to have a lot of growing up to do. But you can't make it happen for him. It has to be his choice, and it just isn't, it seems. You are loving him for who you hope he'll be one day, not for who he is right now, because who he is right now is a mean-spirited, selfish, insensitive, misogynistic jerk. Love isn't supposed to be like this, and I think you know that. You really need to think seriously about cutting this guy loose, and finding someone who treats you well, who doesn't always have your gut tied in knots and who respects you and women. C'mon, honey, life's too short. I'm willing to bet one day you'll look back and regret all the time you wasted on this guy.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 10:13 PM   #9
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Thank you guys for all of these advices. I just have a difficulty about how I am going to break up with him. Last time we broke up, I told him that since of what I did, that I shouldn't be with him if I did hurt him further. So when we were on the break up, we tried to remain friends. But obviously it failed. That and he was taking it so hard that he told me that he almost drove off the side a road when he was on his way to school.

    That and his mom paid for me to come visit him when I was unable to pay for my own way there. I would just feel bad break it off with her son if she paid for me to come visit him.

    I don't know..
    It's just hard to find ways to break it off since I just want it to be a nice clean one, nothing to messy, but it's not going to be clean knowing my luck.

    I do feel like I need to break it off with him because I thought I wanted to settle down and become a mother, but these few months had been hard on me and I realized that I wanted to make sure my life is stable and to make sure I have gotten my chance to be a young adult before being a mom. I would love that in the future, but not now. In fact, since I've been with him since I was 16, I never gotten much of a chance to be a teenager since we got engaged when we were 17. So yeah, it's not after I cheated on him.

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 10:18 PM   #10
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    I mean, I have been close to breaking up with him before. When we had a pregnancy scare and he was pushing me to have an abortion. I mean, he would bring it up every day to the point that it would almost be a daily conversation and he kept stating how his parents would murder him and that I should be thinking about him.

    Luckily I never was, but it effected so deeply that I just never have sex with him because I never want to experience that again..

     
    Old 04-17-2011, 11:29 PM   #11
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Hello Spicekitten

    Firstly I want to say thank you, your story among many others are helping me deal with this very difficult situation in my life...

    I would like to give you a slightly different perspective.
    I am not sure how your relationship was before you had the affair or how exactly he found out (it would make a big difference to understand the way he's feeling if he caught you or if you confessed it before he found out on his own)...
    But thats not important at this stage...
    1. He is busy punishing you (even if he doesn't mean to).
    2. He does not trust you anymore and will have great difficulty in doing so for a very long time (even if he denies it). This is why he goes into a state of panic and shock everytime you want to go out without him (you really dont want to know how mens imaginations torment them in these situations).
    3. Everytime he says something crappy to one of your friends or about a character on TV, he is projecting and in his mind he is actually talking to you.

    I dont think he means to do these things but he is in a far worse place than you realise. Try not to let the guilt you feel control you because it will get you nowhere and seriously cloud your judgement.

    You cannot remain with someone out of guilt and you cannot let this guy take control of your life (and his for that matter) with the current state of his emotions.

    I am not saying that you must leave him or that he is a bad guy but this experience combined with whatever other issues he may have has hurt him and is pushing him towards being an abusive controlling person.
    This is no way for you or him to live.

    I also think that after all this time (year and a half if I read correctly) he has not let any of this go, so he either cannot forgive you or he is still unable to process it.
    If you end the relationship you will be OKAY and he will be OKAY in the end.
    I am worried though that from what you've said, his perspective on woman may have become a little tainted and I would suggest that what ever you do (stay or leave) you should try to convince him to go see a councillor. He obviously needs it and I think that in the long run it will help you towards resolving your own guilt in this matter if he can go on and live a happy life (with you or not).

     
    Old 04-18-2011, 01:10 AM   #12
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    If only break ups were clean and friendly, but they rarely are. Staying with him because his mom paid for you to visit, because you're worried about what he might do to himself, those are not good reasons to stay with someone.

    Why would you want to remain friends with him? He's controlling, abusive, his attitude to women is scary. You want to become a mother, is this really the kind of person you want as a father, a role model, to your children?

    You can't change him, you can't make him want to change. This is who he is, this is how you will spend your life with him.

     
    Old 04-18-2011, 05:08 AM   #13
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    You have to look at it this way - it might be painful to break up with him, but it will be more painful to stay in a relationship like this. The pain from the breakup will go away, I promise.

    You need to distance yourself and end it. No friendship, no calls, and no texts. Change your number if you have to. You cannot be friends because then he will have the hope that one day you will get back together again. You cannot allow him to guilt and manipulate you.

    As for his mom paying for you to visit, don't let guilt get to you. Chances are, he moaned and groaned to his mother until she gave in and paid. He sounds spoiled to begin with, so she is probably just an enabler.

    You can do it!
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    Old 04-18-2011, 08:21 PM   #14
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    I almost decided to do it today. But I didn't feel the courage to do so.

    I don't know what to do...

     
    Old 04-18-2011, 09:16 PM   #15
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    Re: I just don't feel the same anymore... [Long read]

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by xxSpiceKitten View Post
    I almost decided to do it today. But I didn't feel the courage to do so.

    I don't know what to do...
    Well, I think you do know what to do. You just don't want to do it. There's a difference, and a first step is to be honest with yourself. You know what to do, you just really don't want to do it.

     
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