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  • girlfriend left me

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    Old 05-23-2011, 10:08 AM   #1
    nichol27
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    girlfriend left me

    well me and my gf well ex now, were dating for about 2 years and it was the greatest relationship i have ever been apart of. She is 28 and myself, i am 27. everytime we had a fight, which wasnt very often, she basically packed her **** and left, then realized later that she over reacted. well, it happened again at the end of april, and it stuck this time. She said she wants space, time to think and reassess the choices she has made? And she keeps drilling in my head that we need to date other people, and no, she isnt dating already. Now wether its her counsellor telling her this i dont really know. What really bugs me is how she can go from talking about marriage and kids to moving out while i was at work one night and wanting to date other people.

    She has always been telling me i need to get a better job , which i have finally done,. when we first started dating she had just finished school and was having a hell of a time finding a job, it took a few months too. But did i say look u need to find a job or else we cant be together?no, i didnt. so about 3 months afterwe started dating i lost my job, and instead of being supportive like a gf who loves you should. She tried to leave a couple months later cause i couldnt find a job. She keeps saying we arent in the same place, we want the same things but im not ready? ********. i was and am more than ready. What burns me up, she is 70,000$ in debt from school and she is telling me i cannot afford to buy a house or have a wedding with the job i have? how about you?!

    This girl is my everything, i need her to come back. i am friends with her whole family and they all seem to think she is looking for someone with money...that shes out for one thing and thats security. She said she wanted space and didnt want to talk or see me, that was 3 weeks ago. so last week she called me, said she loved me and missed me and wanted to see me, so we met up. she instantly kissed me, hugged me, cuddled me, just like nothing had happened, then proceeded to tell me later that she isnt ready to date other people yet but she will be soon. So that confused me, so i called her out on it yesterday so she said we are never getting back togeher, she doesnt want to be with me. Then she proceeded to tell me what a wonderful man i am, that i was the most respectful, trustworthy, loyal, caring man she has ever dated and that she still loves me.

    now i know i cannot control how she feels, if she doesnt wanna be with me, she doesnt wanna be with me. but i am wondering if anyone else has gone through this? what did you do? what can i do?

     
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    Old 05-23-2011, 11:35 AM   #2
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Sounds like shes messing you around. She doesnt sound that much of a great girlfriend anyway runs away over the slightest thing, leaves when you are at work rather than been respectful and talking to you in person and telling you its over to your face and/or try to at least work things out if possible, then says she wants other people, then is all over you when you two meet up again, then tells you never again she is playing games with you hun.

    You should tell her to get lost and find a better girlfriend who is mature enough to not play games like this and has the decency to talk if theres an issue rather than just leaving without a single word.

    Last edited by cryingforever; 05-23-2011 at 11:36 AM.

     
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    Old 05-23-2011, 11:21 PM   #3
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Sorry, but she is playing games. You are wasting your time. Wish I had better advice, but that's pretty obvious.

     
    Old 05-24-2011, 12:20 AM   #4
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    I'm really sorry. I know it hurts to like someone so much and then it doesn't work out. However, I think she actually doesn't know what she wants. But you have to take care of yourself and do what is right for you. If you two get back together it sounds like there is a good chance she will do this again, like she's keeping you around until someone 'better' comes along. The only thing is she probably doesn't appreciate how good she has it with you and there is no guarantee that she will. It's not easy, but I would move on. You can probably still keep in touch with her fam though if you are close.
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    Last edited by MsConfused; 05-24-2011 at 12:21 AM.

     
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    Old 05-24-2011, 03:59 PM   #5
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    She sounds unstable, talking about marriage one second and leaving you the next. No wonder you feel the way you do because she gives mixed messages. I wonder if she'd coming running back if you acted like you got a new job paying $150,000, but if she did, then she's just a gold digger. Sounds like she needs to work on herself. I think you can do better. You deserve someone who doesn't run off all the time and expect you to bail her out of her own debt.

     
    Old 05-24-2011, 08:56 PM   #6
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    yea i think she is not stable, because of some reasons, like security and money, and is like she is still looking out to someone that will meet up this things in her life, and she will finally go to the person, she is still around you because maybe she has not gotten that perfect someone she is looking out for and for you to solve her pressing needs of the moment.
    so its up to you to decide to keep the relationship or not

     
    Old 05-25-2011, 07:15 AM   #7
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mugwump View Post
    <snip> I wonder if she'd coming running back if you acted like you got a new job paying $150,000, <snip>
    Does that mean lie to her -- make up a story?

    I see that a lot on the board -- people suggesting that somebody "pretend this" or "act like" that to get a reaction out of somebody.

    Isn't that dishonest and game-playing? I wonder how those things are character or integrity boosters for the individual doing the setting up of the game.

    Would it be so hard in this situation -- or any situation -- to directly ask "Are you struggling with this relationship because I don't make six figures?"

    Or in the case of "pretending to be interested in somebody else" to "make somebody jealous and see what he/she is missing," would it be so hard to say "I'm hurting, I'm sad, I'm angry, I wish we could have stayed together and it's going to take me a while to recover. While I'm going through it, I cannot see or talk to you for any reason."

    There is freedom and peace in practicing radical honesty. Really there is.

    Last edited by Curious One; 05-25-2011 at 07:15 AM.

     
    Old 05-25-2011, 08:19 AM   #8
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Times like these are when you cut your losses and move on.

     
    Old 05-25-2011, 09:20 AM   #9
    BobinTexas
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    She did you a favor. Find a lady that loves you for you.

     
    Old 05-25-2011, 05:56 PM   #10
    mugwump
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Curious One View Post
    Does that mean lie to her -- make up a story?

    I see that a lot on the board -- people suggesting that somebody "pretend this" or "act like" that to get a reaction out of somebody.

    Isn't that dishonest and game-playing? I wonder how those things are character or integrity boosters for the individual doing the setting up of the game.
    I didn't say for him to actually do it, I said "I wondered" what would happen "if" he did that. Even if he did try it, it would not be just to get a reaction or play games, it's to judge her motives based on her behavior in response to a stimulus. That might give a more telling answer, than if he flat out asked her if his salary wasn't enough, because she may not want to admit it. I wouldn't personally pretend I suddenly got a larger salary, because it may not be believable anyway. I'm just saying hypothetically if he did ask her, her response would give some information that she might not otherwise reveal.

     
    Old 05-26-2011, 12:37 PM   #11
    nichol27
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    Wow I really appreciate everyone's opinions and advice thank you so much..

    So I did try and talk to her about the whole thing, I mentioned the job thing, she was just not having any of it, one minute she tells me its the job, then she run's into my mom and told her its cause she didnt feel like I WANTED to be with her. She sounds like she is struggling to even find a reason.

    So, I was talking to my friend Amy, she advised me just to ignore her for a few days if she calls or texts me, just to see what happens. So I do....wow, she called me last night, i didnt answer, she texted me, i didint answer, then she called this morning, I didnt answer, so then she texted me AGAIN and I didnt answer. Basically telling me that she wasnt phoning to "get back together" and that she doesn't regret the decisions she has made, which seems to me like she is trying to convince herself that she made a good choice. And she wants to keep it civil between us. Where she is the one who is starting to cause drama, she is the one who is getting angry and not being civil when All in all, she was the one who wanted it this way in the beginning!!!!????

     
    Old 05-26-2011, 06:38 PM   #12
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    Re: girlfriend left me

    whatever her motives were/are it sounds like she doesn't have your best interest in mind anymore, in my opinion you shouldn't even reply to her, let her cool for a few/weeks and see what happens, but honestly, you shouldn't torture yourself any more, get use to idea that you need to move on and be done with it, playing hurtful games is not part of a healthy relationship, and even if she wanted to get back together, it'd be hard for you to trust her again with all this drama she's created over something she wanted.

    good luck!

    Last edited by 00lady00; 05-26-2011 at 06:39 PM.

     
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