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  • Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

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    Old 06-01-2011, 07:46 AM   #1
    waywardson
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    Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    So here it the story,

    Went out on a night to celebrate my receant promotion in the military. (made early promotion). Got too drunk, lost my friends, plans feel, could not get into the place I was going to stay and at a point of haste and frustration attempted to drive home. I was quite over the legal limit, but because I had been drinking the last couple of nights my tolerance was quite high and it had been some hours before I had drink. None the less I got punished for it big time. Lost my euro licence for a year (in europe) and lost a rank in the military. I worked increadibly hard to get the rank and lost it. Had 3 awards, over 95% avg on all my tests and finished my second degree.

    Pretty devastating. But it was my fault, I messed up...I have to pay for it. It is humbling. I will recover and am makeing the best decesion from here out. It made me realize I had a binge drinking problem, which I have stopped. I have not gone out in the 2 months since this has happend, nor do I have the desire to. When I do bring myself back to being social again I will never put myself into that place again. I have decided to use this time to better myself. I am working out a lot..as well as bikeing everywhere includeing work. I am starting a Masters degree.. I have started networking with federal agencies and defense contractors for when my time is up in the military for work. It looks very promiseing. In the all of it this could be a blessing, given the work on the outside pays better and has a better lifestyle. Being set back makes me not want to stay in after my enlistment is up. Anyways....

    Getting to the point here. I do feel the need to still be somewhat social and would still like to have a gf. I understand it would be very hard to try to court a girl with no vehicle, and a huge turnoff. But I am in no way a loser or a dirtbag. I just made a big mistake and outside of that am normally a person of good character. I know it shouldnt matter too much, but in this day in age women are very picky with guys that have plenty of things going for them already. Not haveing a car could easily remove me from 'eligible' applicant pool. I could use this year to just focus on my degree, working out, and saving money. But I dont feel that I should just give up either in the social realm...any thoughts?

    Last edited by waywardson; 06-01-2011 at 09:27 AM.

     
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    Old 06-01-2011, 10:33 AM   #2
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    Re: Should I even try dateing after gettin a DUI and loseing my license?

    I don't know where you are located, but as far as I am concerned, almost every medium-sized and big city in Europe has a fairly good network of public transportation, so I don't think that would be a huge obstacle for going out and dating. Maybe your potential gf has a car herself and would be ok with your driving it. Oh, sorry, you are not allowed to drive right now. Anyway, I don't think this is really a major drawback for you. Some girls might even prefer that you don't have a car because of the speed thing. Many males like to show off while they are driving. So other things being equal, you are still able to be quite active in the dating pool.

    Viel Glueck!

    Last edited by pendulum; 06-01-2011 at 11:02 AM.

     
    Old 06-01-2011, 10:50 AM   #3
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    Re: Should I even try dateing after gettin a DUI and loseing my license?

    Thanks for the reply. I guess one of my problems has always been of thinking that I have to everything going for me for a girl to consider me. I understand now that really comes from a place of lower self-esteem/worth. I have known guys who have lived in tents who had attractive girlfriends. I guess personality and confidence is where it is all it. I still have a good job/deceant income/home. In a weird way this might help me be more open with people and not worry so much about being perfect.

    Yes you are right about the public transportation thing. I feel lucky that it happend here because a good percantage of people do not drive anyways...plus it wont be on my stateside record!

    Last edited by waywardson; 06-01-2011 at 10:53 AM.

     
    Old 06-01-2011, 12:22 PM   #4
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    Re: Should I even try dateing after gettin a DUI and loseing my license?

    I've spent time in The Netherlands and not having a car or even a license is not a big deal. And you know that if you've been in Europe any length of time.

    You learned from your mistake. If you find someone who listens and are able to get a friendship going to where you talk/visit, she might find that a more attractive a quality than she ever would have a driver's license. Go for it. The worst that can happen is that you'll be in the same place you are now.

     
    Old 06-01-2011, 02:06 PM   #5
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    Re: Should I even try dateing after gettin a DUI and loseing my license?

    As a woman, I would say, if the guy were the right person for me and would eventually be able to drive again, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who had to rely on public transportation. In the beginning, just say that you don't have a car but plan to get one in the future. It really doesn't matter, since you have the funds to travel on public transportation.

    If dating turns into a relationship, you can tell her the truth and what you learned from the experience. But I agree with the others: you might as well date and see what happens.

    The only time I suggest people get on their feet before dating is if they are unemployed and in debt, but that doesn't apply to you. Have fun!
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    Old 06-01-2011, 02:36 PM   #6
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    Re: Should I even try dateing after gettin a DUI and loseing my license?

    Thanks for the input and makes sense it is worth a try. Thing is I still have a car, it just does not leave my driveway. Either way I agree that it is probably best not to disclose it right away until getting to know one another. Well I am getting ahead of myself here, suppose I have to meet someone first. Agreed with the europe thing. I am in Germany. Have been to france, austria, switzerland, netherlands, Belgium, czech republic and all have great public transportation. I have driven to some places and trained to others. All the cities I have been to when driveing have been very difficult for driveing. I usually park my car and walk around the whole time there because the parking is so horrible. So many people bike and use metro/bus/trolly systems. I have had a couple of gf's since I have been here that didnt last. Been wanting to find a solid one, pref a german girl. Maybe it will happen....

    Last edited by waywardson; 06-01-2011 at 02:43 PM.

     
    Old 06-02-2011, 12:34 PM   #7
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    Re: Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    "I just made a big mistake and outside of that am normally a person of good character."

    After reading that line I couldn't help but think of this - Besides the gunshot, what did you think of the play Mrs. Lincoln?

    I personally think that this next year should be spent trying to better yourself minus the complications of a relationship. If something pops up in the normal course of your business, fine but I wouldn't spend the time looking for it. Actually, this approach may surprise you. Good Luck!
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    Old 06-03-2011, 03:47 AM   #8
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    Re: Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    Yeah I agree to that on a level. For the last 2 yrs that is all I have been doing is working on makeing myself a better person all around. I still had the problem with drinking and messed up. I have already made the decesion to stop binge drinking and going out...have not done so in the last 2 months that it has happened. I have had a beer or two for dinner but outside of that have avoided. Had no wanting of goin out. I have been volunteering and registerd for my first class for a Master in Political Science. I am looking foward to starting that. I was doing all of these kinds of things before it happend, with the vounteering and other school work...so I was not like a bad person I just messed up. I do feel horrible about it. I think you are right though not actively looking for a gf could be a great idea. I have noticed that when you dont look for relationships you are a lot less stressed and a lot of times they end up finding you.

     
    Old 06-03-2011, 06:07 AM   #9
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    Re: Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    I am sorry for what has happened to you but it sounds as if you are going to take this bad situation and turn it around for yourself into something good. That is all we can ask of ourselves.

    I like that idea of continuing to focus on your future, and if during the course of that, you find someone to spend time with, all the better. In fact, that is usually when you find someone, as soon as you stop looking!

    The more interests you have and the more activities you are involved in, the richer your life will be and the more interesting and full your conversation will be. Those factors alone will make you even more attractive than you already are, as well as contribute to your confidence and self esteem.

    After all that, your driving record will fade into the distance.

    janet

     
    Old 06-05-2011, 10:53 AM   #10
    waywardson
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    Re: Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    Thanks writeleft. Your right I am going to make the most of this. I messed up, I admit it and really was something that neede to happen. Not just for drinking problem, but for valueing myself more and makeing better decesions. Trying to get involved with a lot of activities and personal growth.

     
    Old 06-05-2011, 02:06 PM   #11
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    Re: Should I even try dating after getting a DUI and losing my license?

    That is great. I have been following your story and my impression of you is that you are a good guy that has many things to offer. Let this driving incident fall into the past, and keep moving forward. When the time is right, love will fall into your lap!

     
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