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  • past lies are ruining my relationship

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    Old 06-05-2011, 06:14 AM   #16
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    Re: past lies are ruining my relationship

    Originally Posted by writeleft View Post

    I am happy you did come back, as it looks like we all needed some clearing up with the details.

    If the subject is about her lying to you in the first year of your relationship, then that is a problem that would be very hard to overcome. How can you ever be sure she is not lying now?

    To me, it would matter what she chose to lie about...if it was to avoid hurting you, that is one thing. If she was just lying when the truth would have been better, that is another story. Those types of lies are very hard to make sense of, and for me would be much harder to forgive.

    We are trying to help you, so please give us another chance to do so, now that we have a better understanding of the problem.
    well, i mean thanks for the help, ive just decided to bury it back down, this relationship is childish, i mean i dont understand why 2 people cant be wrong, she doesnt want to talk about the topics, cause shes "tired" of hearing about them, but we never ever talked about them, which is what the problem is, or if we did talk about em they maxed out at 3 or 4 times and everytime was a different story. i know its completely up to me and her wether i give her a chance to earn her trust back, and if she takes it or squanders it. im sure ill post more to clear this whole topic up, since the whole problem is ive never got to talk about this, not with her or anyone soo im sure ill end up venting more, with plenty more details, just not today, we have yet to fight today and yesterday so... ima keep my fingers crossed

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    Old 06-05-2011, 07:13 AM   #17
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    Re: past lies are ruining my relationship

    to clear up the other thing, no i wasnt drilling her, i dont give a flying bear crap about her past i told you that, the one issue that came up from her past was her bringing it up and me saying that isnt what you said last time. some things i would ask her, but they would be like what took you 4 hours to smoke a blunt while you were sposed to pick me up... like... i sat in a parking lot for 3 and half hours after work waiting for her to pick me u so she could smoke a L with her dude... like.. sorry for getting you all involved my bad, i know what i gotta do, i just dont want to

    Old 06-05-2011, 08:47 AM   #18
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    Re: past lies are ruining my relationship

    It sounds to me from your first post that maybe she made up a lot of stuff to make herself appear a certain way because your relationship at the time wasn't serious yet, so she didn't think it mattered. But things changed and you guys decided to get together for real, so maybe now she is just embarassed about the stuff she said when she thought you guys weren't serious yet.
    Have you ever seen the movie Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion? These 2 girls who were friends in high school go to their 10 year reunion and tell everyone they invented Post-it Notes. Because they didn't want their former classmates to think they didn't accomplish anything. I think your girlfriend similarly wanted to appear more experienced to you so she probably lied about herself to make it appear like she was more experienced than she really is. Since she didn't think at the time that you guys were going to be a couple, she didn't think it mattered how truthful she was. Now that things are different, she is probably embarassed about all of the stuff she said and that's why the story keeps changing and why she claims that she can't remember anything. I don't think it's anything more sinister than just embarassment.

    As for your latest post about her being late to pick you up, I don't even understand what you're saying. Are you saying she said she would pick you up but she was 4 hours late and her excuse was that she was smoking pot with some other guy? That's really weird yes, and you shouldn't be dating a girl who is a pothead, so for that I would break up with her.

    Old 06-05-2011, 06:56 PM   #19
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    Re: past lies are ruining my relationship

    Sounds to me like she was boasting to make herself sound like some sort of fresh produce that was flying off the shelves.
    Really, I've dated someone like that. The RL only lasted 3 months b/c he was into his 30's but no maturity. He'd tell me about some party he threw with like 100 people there, and someone jumped off the roof and broke their arm, etc, and then his brother would tell me oh, that time a guy jumped off the roof there was only me and 3 other people here. He was fine but he called us later to say it might be sprained, but turned out ok.
    And yeah, if I asked him about any inconsistency, it was like I was giving him the 3rd degree. Because it makes someone verrry uncomfy when they've been telling silly lies! How embarrassing! They're so embarrassed, they try to put it on you, like well, what's the difference, I don't remember, etc.
    If I reasonably believe a guy is lying to me (like, it's just common sense), and I don't care what it's about, he's gone. I hate it. It eats away the whole RL.

    Old 06-06-2011, 05:26 PM   #20
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    Re: past lies are ruining my relationship

    best thing to do is to try to talk to her calmly, fighting doesnt do anything but p*ss people off more.

    And if she contiously lies about it, it's cause she knows what she did was wrong, i dont know how, but she knows that it might hurt you or make you mad. And since you obviously cant get over it, you probobly shouldn't be with her. the worst relationships are the ones that were started because of sex. it is the worst basis to focus any relationship on. what it seems like is you were the woman in this and confused love for sex.

    Now if she feels the same way for you as you do for her, more power to ya, but don't be surprised if it ends badly, cause you and me both know that if she was in your position, this would be a MAJOR issue. thats just how some people work, it sucks but sometimes you gotta let one catch go for another.

    Best of luck bro.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 06-06-2011 at 06:33 PM. Reason: Inappropriate comment removed.

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