It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Drinking and bad behavior

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 07-07-2011, 10:12 PM   #1
    ladybird2011
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2011
    Location: Newport, OR
    Posts: 1
    ladybird2011 HB User
    Drinking and bad behavior

    Hi -
    I am looking for some feedback on something that has troubled me for some time. I have a partner of a little over 2 years. We both enjoy drinking, in fact we met at a bar. But I have gone back to school and now rarely drink. If I do drink, it is at most two beers.
    Throughout the first year of our relationship there were periodic (as in maybe once a month) bad episodes related to his drinking. When he is drunk his behavior is like jekyll and hyde. One minute he's crying and sad and overly loving and the next he is very angry. He has never physically abused me, but there has been some verbal abuse and other bothersome behaviors. (for example, he once tried to get out of my car while I was traveling on a very busy city road at 35 mph and he has gotten in multiple physical altercations at bars due to things he has said while wasted). He has always been very remorseful in the morning.
    For the last 10 months, he has done really well with controlling his drinking and we have not had an episode.
    My question is Why do I still feel like I can't trust him? I get very nervous if he is drinking and out past midnight. I can't sleep and I am worried/upset. Am I over-reacting? Is it too much to ask that he comes home by midnight? Or that he promises to not drink more than 2 or 3 drinks? I don't want to be controlling... Is this just my issue?

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 07-08-2011, 05:58 AM   #2
    pendulum
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2007
    Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
    Posts: 3,938
    pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
    Re: Drinking and bad behavior

    I think he needs kudzu. Really, I mean it. Not kidding. I think that anyone who wants to stop heavy drinking must follow a treatment. It is not easy to do it all by yourself. You do have a reason to be concerned about him and a possible relapse. If he is serious about stopping or at least reducing his drinking and if he really cares for you, he should seek professional help.

     
    Old 07-08-2011, 07:23 AM   #3
    Kszan
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Posts: 5,245
    Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
    Re: Drinking and bad behavior

    He clearly has a drinking problem and needs help. Unfortunately, just like with any other addiction, he needs to first admit that he has a problem. Then he has to find help for it. There is literally nothing you can do about it to fix it. He has to want to make the change for himself.

     
    Old 07-08-2011, 08:48 AM   #4
    Larrylou'smom
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Posts: 4,063
    Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
    Re: Drinking and bad behavior

    I agree, it's not up to you to fix him, and it isn't your job to figure out how to get him to do what you want him to do without seeming controlling. He's not the man you want. Does he want to work hard to try to become the man you want, or want and need him to be? If the answer is yes, then you can stand by him for a while and support him as he tries, and see how serious he is about it. BUT...if the answer is no, and it seems like it is, that no, he doesn't want to try to work to be a better, more sober man, then the only thing you have to figure out is how much more of your life do you want to waste on loving someone for who you wish he would be, rather than for who he is.

     
    Old 07-08-2011, 06:07 PM   #5
    sunnyrise
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: united states
    Posts: 636
    sunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB Usersunnyrise HB User
    Re: Drinking and bad behavior

    No, you are not overreacting and this is not your issue unless you make it yours. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic (by the symptoms you described) as I am a recovering alcoholic who has walked down that road. You don't trust him because alcohol does just what you said, gives a person that Jekyll/Hyde personality. Some alcoholics drink everyday, then there are alcoholics that can go months without picking up a drink and once they do they start binging.

    There are no rules when it comes to alcoholism with the exception that it is an addiction. I suggest that you start going to Al-Anon meetings to understand him better, yes, it is a disease. We alcoholics simply do not metabolize alcohol like "normal" people do.

    As others said, he has to first admit he has a problem (not easy) and that means getting honest with himself first. And then and only then he has to decide if he wants help or not.

    If he stays in denial, you are going to have a rough time of it and I really feel for you. Being with an alcoholic is like being with a drug addict (there honestly isn't any difference except that alcohol is a legal drug).

    I wish you the best,
    Sunny

    Last edited by sunnyrise; 07-08-2011 at 06:10 PM.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Ex Husband Drinking around the kids meep591 Relationship Health 5 10-15-2010 06:53 AM
    He doesnt want me to stop drinking stay2gether Relationship Health 8 01-10-2007 02:22 PM
    Is this bad behavior of a wife, PLEASE HELP Needhelpnow Relationship Health 57 12-08-2003 01:37 PM

    Tags
    drinking, trust



    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:29 PM.





    © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!