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Dating someone new..but still in love with ex

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Old 09-14-2011, 02:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Dingli, Malta
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SomeAnonGuy HB User
Dating someone new..but still in love with ex

I'm a guy and my ex is a girl. In a relationship with her for 16 months, She dumps me out of the blue (I was suffering from a mild depression at the time, talked to her about it and thought she accepted the fact that I was working on it), took me about 2 and a half years to finally decide to allow myself to get in a relationship.

The thing is, I still miss my ex, with all her faults and whatnot, and despite being in my current relationship for almost 9 months now, and I do like my current girlfriend very much, I still feel bad.

I feel an "It's just not the same" feeling all the time. Also I see my ex about once a year, and whenever I do I suddenly feel very depressed cos I start thinking that I want her back.

I really do like my current girl quite a lot.

I noticed that most if not all of the people on another thread I read were female. Is it normal for a guy to feel this way? I kinda sometimes may have trouble with letting go.

Also, since by reading that thread, I confirmed that there are many people who had this type of experience, do any of you have any tips on how I can learn to overcome this type of feeling? (Don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget everything... that much I got from this thread already). It's just that I haven't yet found a way to live with it and just get on with my life.

I really like this girl and I don't want to lose her, but I think that that's exactly what might happen eventually if I keep going on like this.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 09-14-2011 at 03:55 PM. Reason: Post moved to start new thread. References to other thread removed.

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Old 09-22-2011, 09:11 AM   #2
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Location: Foley, Alabama, U.S.
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itsjustnikki HB Useritsjustnikki HB User
Re: Dating someone new..but still in love with ex

its very unusual to see a man in this predicament. HUGS. i know your pain. I am at the end of 1 1/2 years split up with my ex-husband. let me guess you met this new girl and she just appealed to you in one way or another you started seeing her and BAM, that old flame wonders back into your head right? yeah, it sucks

when i met my boyfriend i was 6 months separated from my ex. he made me smile, and i liked him instantly. we started seeing each other seriously and as i got to know him i liked him even more. BUT after about a month my ex stayed on my mind, i have accidentally called my boyfriend my ex before -names omitted because my ex MIL is an evil nosey old lady.. anyhow, the problem i had was because with him having initiated the divorce, i had no real closure, i felt like perhaps there was something i could have done or something i could do to make him want me back.. not until i finally realized and accepted that it was OVER did I stop missing my ex... you have to realize that loving your ex isnt going to do anything but cause you alot of heartache, run off your current gf (because trust me, we can always tell when you miss someone else) or make you crazy. you cannot fully be happy with someone new until you fully let go of the ex. Also in your mind you will tend to compare experiences, action, personality traits, and even looks of your current gf to your ex. that is a very bad idea. i found that avoiding my ex, as well as any place that we had gone together, restaurant, art gallery, pond, grocery store, ANYWHERE completely and experiencing and making new memories at new places with your new gf will help.. you can make new things to remember and enjoy new places rather than think of the old seeing your ex is a bad idea. if it can be avoided i would for sure avoid it. i hope this helps.. but just know that you arent alone

Old 09-22-2011, 09:30 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Dingli, Malta
Posts: 3
SomeAnonGuy HB User
Re: Dating someone new..but still in love with ex

I know you can always tell when something like this is going on... that's why I'm worried. I'm doing my best, but it's just not possible to completely avoid my ex. I have some very close friends that I've known for about 11 years, who happen to also be friends with her. It's simply not possible to terminate my friendship with them simply on this basis.

I definitely know it's over, she has another guy and all that (I even talked to him sometimes casually when we met at some event or other). You hit the nail right on the head with that "maybe there was something I could have done". That's what's always on my mind whenever I end up thinking about her. Oh well I guess I'll just keep trying. I'm always experiencing new things with my current girlfriend, she's just awesome, but there's still that nagging thought at the back of my head. :/

Old 09-22-2011, 09:32 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Dingli, Malta
Posts: 3
SomeAnonGuy HB User
Re: Dating someone new..but still in love with ex

also, my current girlfriend asked me out, not the other way round. At the beginning I had some doubt whether I said yes cos I liked her, or simply cos i missed being in a relationship. But I don't think that's the case anymore

So yeah that's one step forward right there

(oh and btw... completely trying to avoid any places with a connection to my ex is kinda out of the question... one of your cities is several times larger than my entire country hehe)

Last edited by SomeAnonGuy; 09-22-2011 at 09:34 AM.

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