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  • My sister keeps using me and it hurts

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    Old 10-04-2011, 08:08 AM   #1
    bellevuegirl
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    My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    I thought we were done with this when we were kids. I figured it was a child thing so i let it go.

    But it happened again recently.

    About 6 years ago or so; I had a 'falling out' with my sister. It was mostly due to she got a boyfriend and I lost the place as her 'best friend'. It was hard but i went my own way and let it go. About 3 (maybe 4) years after that she came to me and started hanging with me again. I was overjoyed. I hadn't realized how much I missed her until she came back in my life. I thought maybe the so called 'honeymoon faze' was finally over which was why she came back but it was odd cuz for so long she had been so close to him and for that time he didn't seem to be number one (well, not exactly, he was number one but I was pretty high up there too). Naturally we got so close and she became my best friend again (as I hers), so much so that I moved in with her, her boyfriend, and two other friends of ours (I'm starting to wonder if that was a big mistake, it was fine for a couple of years but not so much anymore). Now, all of a sudden (mind you this happened much later after i had moved in with her so i don't think it's the issue). All of sudden she is kicking me out of her life again and shuts her and boyfriend in her room away from, not just me, but our other friends as well. (It sucks cuz the whole point of all of us moving in together was so we could hang out together and we don't see her or him hardly ever).

    I can't help but feel that she got 'bored' of her boyfriend for a while and used me during that time. This isn't the first time she's done it. She's done it with multiple friends when we were kids. I was the one who was her 'default buddy' when no one was available to play. It really, really hurts. I can't tell her that either because she just blows up at me about it (she's bi-polar).

    How can I just forget and move on? What if she comes back to hang with me? Should I ignore her? It really hurts.

     
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    Old 10-04-2011, 12:01 PM   #2
    JumperOK
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    Re: My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    Well first of all, I have family all over Bellevue so I really hope you're not a relative of mine

    You mentioned your sister is bi-polar. Is she being treated for this? Medications? What has the relationship been like with your sister and her boyfriend? Is he a controlling type person? Submissive?

    In the short term, you probably need to just step aside and let your sister be. If/when she's ready/willing to be "best friends" again, you need to sit her down and firmly make her realize how her actions are affecting your relationship.

     
    Old 10-05-2011, 01:53 AM   #3
    bellevuegirl
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    Re: My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    she WAS being treated for it. But she is going through this 'I don't need medication. There's nothing wrong with me and the medication takes my emotions away' faze thing. So she doesn't take it when she should. Second, yes. Her bf is submissive and pretty much goes along with whatever she tells him to (the times when he does seem like he is wanting to make his own decisions; she blows up and it turns into a big thing which winds up involving the people around her. I sometimes feel sorry for the guy.)

    If and when I get the chance to talk to her about this again down the road; how can i say it without setting her off? Is it gonna be one of those things where i won't be able to say anything until she first realizes that she has bi-polar depression and it's something she NEEDS medicine for it. I don't know how long that's gonna take and i would hate to just sit by and watch her fall until she has no one left just for her to realize this.

     
    Old 10-05-2011, 03:39 AM   #4
    tinkerbell45
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    Re: My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    OMG i couldnt believe when i read your first post because it sounds SOOOO much like me and my sister only the situation is reversed because i am the one that is bi-polar and SHE thinks i dont need my meds when clearly i do beacuse i am a total WITCH without them.
    I hate to be the one to tell you about the living together thing it DOES make it WAY WAY worse because she got down on her luck and due to financial reasons had to move in with me BUT we have ALWAYS been SO close that my therapist thinks it is very unhealthy
    I have and i do try to talk to her about this stuff but it seems like me and you have this "want your sister to ALWAYS be your BEST FRIEND" when i am starting to wonder that no matter how much i love her if maybe we ARE a little toxic together???? and oh yeah i do hope you are not her writing back LOL just kidding i can not even get her to pick up my laptop.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 10-05-2011 at 05:47 AM. Reason: Off topic portion removed.

     
    Old 10-05-2011, 04:45 AM   #5
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    Re: My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    I think you need to find your own life, outside of your sister and her boyfriend. I would bet that if you found a boyfriend, you would also put him first and spend a lot of time with him. I know it hurts, but I don't think you can change your sister. Do you have other friends? Are you dating?
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    Old 10-06-2011, 09:30 AM   #6
    tinkerbell45
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    Re: My sister keeps using me and it hurts

    Thanks for writing back to me. I should have made my self a clearer i am actually married so i let her move in with me and my husband until she gets back on her feet finacially(she has been here over a year).I DO have other friends i just don't seem to be able to make alot of time for them between my husband and my sister. By the way are you the older sister or the younger sister just curious cause i am the younger sister but i take ALOT better care of her than she does me.I don't know sometimes i think i am REALLY ALOT crazier than the drs think because i just can't wrap my mind around the fact that i just keep doing for her,but then i think what am i gonna do put her on the street because we have no-one else,our mom and dad are dead and she hasn't been working long enough to get a place even an effiency apt on her own yet.... it's just a vicious cycle.Thank you VERY MUCH for listening. I do hope you will write me back. Until next time TAKE CARE!!! Tinkerbell45

     
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