It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 10-21-2011, 03:51 AM   #1
    jonapple
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    jonapple's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2011
    Location: Bellevue
    Posts: 3
    jonapple HB User
    Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months. It wasn't a very clean start, she had a boyfriend of 6 years at the time we began dating. She broke up with him as soon as we started seeing each other and for the first 4-5 months it was nothing but the most exciting relationship any one could be in. We knew each other since high school and clicked like no other, good looking couple, great couple all around. Then some issues started to arise such as her not being too comfortable with my friends, she developed some depression over the fact that she just moved back home from college where she spent 2 years in a different state. This lead to some frustration, on top of all of this she began working long hours and we ended up having a couple of big heated arguments. She even ended up calling her ex, which then she squared away by apologizing to both of us for going through this sort of rough time in her life.
    Then everything seemed to have gone back on track to some extent, things were working out and right before our exotic getaway we got into another heated argument. We kind of talk about it a day or so later and decided to go on a vacation anyway. Vacation doesn't go as planned, she felt sick and left a day early. When we got back home she found out that she's pregnant. We've had a lot of issues with having horrible luck, while it doesn't bother me much, it is getting to her head that while with me for some reason everything goes wrong which is generally not even the case. I've been nothing but extremely nice to this girl, wanted to marry her, all we ever talked about is how much we love each other and how we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. That all came to an abrupt end, she's frustrated, she's been not feeling well even before pregnancy for couple of months, things don't seem the same etc etc. and finally she asked that she wants to take a break without putting any restrictions on the break. She says she doesn't want to date anyone, just to get her life together as since moving back she hasn't had a chance to get it together. I'm not sure what I should do at this point, I love her dearly and would do anything to make it work, but I feel like being nice has done nothing but hurt me. She says she feels empty, as if she was a zombie, that she needs to work on herself. What I'm afraid of is her trying to reunite with her ex, they've broken up multiple times now and dated other people, there's no future there, the only thing they have left between them is the 6 years of on/off dating/friendship. If that were to happen it would end any feelings I'd have for her even if she tried to come back to me at a later time. I don't know what I should do or if there's anything I can do to make this work, should i just let go and let faith decide?

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to jonapple:
    tinkerbell45 (10-27-2011)
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 10-21-2011, 02:07 PM   #2
    baffomet
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2010
    Location: California
    Posts: 165
    baffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    I'm not trying to sound rude, but is the child yours?

    That makes a world of difference.
    __________________
    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt

     
    Old 10-21-2011, 02:11 PM   #3
    jonapple
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    jonapple's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2011
    Location: Bellevue
    Posts: 3
    jonapple HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    Definitively mine. We lived together and spent every minute that we werent working with each other.
    There's been no cheating of any kind except for a txt msg sent to an ex after a fight.

    Last edited by jonapple; 10-21-2011 at 02:25 PM.

     
    Old 10-21-2011, 02:44 PM   #4
    BigRed54
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2008
    Location: Iowa USA
    Posts: 452
    BigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    There's nothing you can do if she wants a "break." If you try to push her to stay with you, it will only cause resentment to fester in her, causing more problems down the road. If she just got out of college, she's young yet and going through a very rough transition from college to "real life." Top that off with her not taking any kind of break from her long relationship into one with you, and she has not had a chance to even learn who she is. People should never move from one relationship to another. Time apart, time alone is necessary to re-evaluate, grieve the loss of the relationship (yes, even if it's desired a grieving period is still necessary) and to learn who you are again as a person, not as part of a couple.

    She needs time to herself, time to figure out what she wants in life, time to figure out who she is, who she wants to be, and time to enjoy the end of one chapter of her life and the beginning of another. Let her have this time. She'll either come back to you or not, but you can't force it.

     
    Old 10-21-2011, 02:57 PM   #5
    jonapple
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    jonapple's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2011
    Location: Bellevue
    Posts: 3
    jonapple HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    yea I mean thats exactly what I was thinking. I didnt find about her being with her ex then jumping my way, I would have never gotten involved until that was set and done. I wish i knew but I didnt and we both rushed into it.

    Now the problem is, I deleted her number just not to be tempted to txt her or call her and she flips as in well if u loved me u would know i need help blah blah and not ignore me, it was her idea to go on a break. So this break never lasts more then a day or two so I dont know what to do. I guess i might just have to ignore her. Maybe communicate better with her, but shes so negative right now, its hard to handle dealing with her.

    cant live with them cant live without them eh

    Last edited by mod85; 10-21-2011 at 02:58 PM.

     
    Old 10-21-2011, 03:10 PM   #6
    baffomet
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2010
    Location: California
    Posts: 165
    baffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB Userbaffomet HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    You have to be patient with what she's going through. Sometimes, people really just need some time alone to figure things out. It sounds like she's confused and going through a lot but at least she has made it clear that she needs her time. It could be worse in that she doesn't get the time needed and just goes crazy on you.

    Since you are the father of the child you both have a connection that no one can break. I myself have a hard time dealing with this, but you have to trust your girlfriend in regards of her ex. She did tell you about it which is actually good since she's not being malicious.

    The waiting game sucks, but if you're going to get over this obstacle, you're going to have to be strong and most of all patient.

    Good luck!
    __________________
    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt

     
    Old 10-27-2011, 04:50 PM   #7
    tinkerbell45
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    tinkerbell45's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2010
    Location: Virginia
    Posts: 241
    tinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB Usertinkerbell45 HB User
    Re: Rough beginning to otherwise a great relationship, desperately need advice!

    jonapple its Tinkerbell45 here and i want to tell you from my own personal experience the best thing you can do IS step back and give her the room she is asking for. I went through the exact same thing except for being pregnant and the harder he pushed the further i went away.If it is meant to be she WILL come back to you.Best of luck to you. Until next time TAKE CARE!!!

    Tinkerbell45

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Do I Love her or Has She just Become a Great Friend? Sterling221 Relationship Health 13 08-28-2011 07:43 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:05 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!