Confused, Angry, Upset due to CHEATING... It my fault?

11-24-2011, 08:07 AM

Hello, here I am back again to this wonderful community for advice.
I recently posted this: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=833232 (for a little background on my relationship).

SO
I recently busted (hacked phone) my boyfriend sexting other girls (4 of them) & "meeting up with them" (he says "just hanging out"). I have been feeling every emotion in the book about this. He says he did it because he was unhappy... instead of coming to me and working through things. Now, his unhappiness was "due to our crappy apartment" and HIM not having time to hang out with me (which lead me to be unhappy with him). He says he sexted (naked pics of him and her) out of selfishness to make himself feel better. None of which makes any sense to me. I have now realized how selfish he has always been, and was always the root to our little arguments.

NOW
He's sorry wants to work through things. I fell like if he cracked under that LITTLE pressure what will happen if things are worse??? He is still at my place, still acting normal, still keeping busy doing his hobbies, and I am stuck thinking and thinking.

I know I am better then this, I don't to be with a man like that. But I love him and want to work things out.

ALSO...
In the past I have always though he was a little emotionally abusive towards me. But with all this ******** I am wondering if I was towards him???? But I have always been there for him, never put him down and treated him like gold.
Its to the point where I am looking for my mistakes to make him do that and its wearing me down.

MY QUESTION IS...
What the hell am I thinking?
Why am I even considering staying with him.... because I love him?!
Am I wrong in any way????
How does he deserve another chance when he doesn't even deserve me?
Has anyone been through a cheating relationship????

11-24-2011, 08:10 AM

How does he deserve another chance when he doesn't even deserve me?

This line says it all, I believe. If you feel that you deserve better, now is your chance to make that happen. You are entitled to all of your feelings, and there is certainly no reason why you "have" to forgive him or want the relationship to continue. Since you are not married, I see no reason for this to continue if you're unhappy and have this gut feeling that you were meant for more.

Sue

11-24-2011, 08:19 AM

I know I deserve a man that treats me better.
And I realize I don't have to forgive him. But for some strange reason I want to.
Even though I can think of more reasons not to be together then to be together.
I am just so confused about the whole thing. Like I want to work through it but I can't figure out why.

11-24-2011, 08:23 AM

misspurple13 I can really relate to what you have said. Although my partner and I are under different circumstances, I can understand all the emotions you are feeling, anger, confusion, disgust, deep hurt, betrayed, etc. For me the biggest question is WHY??? Yes I believe my partner is also emotionally abusive, and I am the same as you, I treat him so well, he even tells me this, yet somehow it is still never ever good enough. I think you know deep down what you should do, just as I do, but I understand that it is not what you want, you want to be with your boyfriend because you love him, because you picture yourself with him, but with him treating you the way you treat him. Well I am in no position to give advice but I think you should do what you think is right, for yourself. I know you head and your heart are both saying the opposite things, and you don't know which one to go with, but if you do what you believe is right, knowing that you have done everything you can, then I believe you will not have any regrets.

Good luck

11-24-2011, 08:47 AM

You can bend yourself into a pretzel and it still won't be enough to make him treat you any better. He is a lousy excuse for a human being an certainly does not deserve all of this thought you're giving to his feelings since he keeps proving that your feelings aren't even an afterthought to him.

Do what you want, stay with a cheater who will keep finding ways to turn it around and always make it your fault for why he can't keep it in his pants. But I think you already know that this is no more a relationship than a rock can be considered a pet so I think you already know what needs to be done here.

11-24-2011, 10:49 AM

Thank you all.
In my gut I think its done. But for some strange reason I know I need to let him go. We are still technically together and he's still living at my place. I fell like I haven't done anything about the situation because I am so upset that it even happened in the first place. Just the way I am feeling right now, it just not worth trying to work things out. Well it happened near the beginning of the month and now hes acting his same old self and I am left thinking. Like even when I was trying to talk about the sexting one night he rolled his eyes at me because "we already had this convo"... what am I doing to myself.

Confused, Angry, Upset due to CHEATING... It my fault?

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