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  • Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

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    Old 01-28-2012, 02:13 PM   #1
    00lady00
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    Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    My ex boyfriend and I are good friends and we've gone on weekend trips where nothing has happened, well, recently we decided to take a trip to NY and Boston for a week, everything is booked and there's pretty much no going back, but I'm getting kind of worried about him wanting something more out of this trip because it makes me kind of uncomfortable and the truth is that sometimes I freak out for no apparent reason and even before anything has even happened.

    I know it's a weird situation but basically I'd just like some advice on how to best handle this situation, I'm thinking that maybe we should sit down before our trip and have a "boundary" discussion, however, I don't want to ruin the trip or make him or me feel bad, some advice would help.

     
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    Old 01-28-2012, 02:59 PM   #2
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    Well, you say you've traveled together before and nothing has happened, and you are known to freak out over nothing, so apparently there's no real, concrete reason for you to think that this time will be any different than any other time you've traveled together. Sounds like it's mostly in your head. Try not to worry. Just go as his friend, keep it purely platonic, and if he makes moves on you, tell him then no thanks, we're just friends. No need to have a big deal sit down talk, i don't think.

     
    Old 01-29-2012, 12:48 AM   #3
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    But wait a moment: are you positive that you don't have any feelings left for him? Are you worried that something he may do or say will flare those feelings out? Can you share why you broke up? Was there a closure?

     
    Old 01-30-2012, 10:40 AM   #4
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    Why are these trips happening??? Would not his new gf or your new bf be upset with this??? If there are no significant others, again I ask - what is the point? To possibly rekindle something? Whether it is you or him, chances are that at least one of you is aiming for that. If that is the case with both of you, why are you worried? If it really is NOT you, I would think it is best to have the sitdown talk BEFOREHAND. Get to know his expectations while you lay out your own.

    Whatever it may cost to cancel the trip this last minute, it will be nothing compared to the potential heartache that could be caused by simple miscommunication.

     
    Old 02-17-2012, 12:40 PM   #5
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    We're not in relationships with other people currently, since we broke up we've remained friends and still do things together. We ended up speaking about this and he said he is aware that we're just friends and it was never his plan to think this was something more, he also said he didn't think it needed to be brought up. As far as the status of our relationship that will have to be determined as time goes by. Honestly, we're just hanging out like friends and enjoying time together, with no strings attached, I don't know if he has any real expectations for this trip but we've been very honest with each other so there aren't going to be any surprises, also, we can't cancel the trip, we've already spent about $2000 on it.

     
    Old 02-17-2012, 12:50 PM   #6
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    Good then. It sounds like you two have at least cleared the potential miscommunication before it happened!

     
    Old 02-17-2012, 09:21 PM   #7
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    Re: Going on vacation with ex bf.. advice please

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
    But wait a moment: are you positive that you don't have any feelings left for him? Are you worried that something he may do or say will flare those feelings out? Can you share why you broke up? Was there a closure?
    This is where things get confusing, this was our relationship in a nutshell: I'm someone who has been through some VERY emotionally abusive relationships, in the past they've all ended badly and I ended up having therapy for a lot of them. When I started dating this guy I was very in love with him, but it was different, I was never obsessed, or anxious or anything like that, but our sex life was very bad, he was inexperienced and I think that it really starting killing it for me, but in my old abusive relationships sex was a big part and I kinda felt like since we had bad sex the relationship was dead, so this could have been my mistake, we broke up because I started getting very scared to be intimate with him and it made me super uncomfortable and I just couldn't take the pressure. The problem is that that fear hasn't gone away, I still feel it, when we lay down to watch a movie and I talk to him or something and he rolls around to face me I feel the need to look away from him, because I feel he's too close and could potentially try something, I don't know why that is, maybe I don't like him, but when he's not around I miss and always text/talk to him, I'm soooooo confused, but I just figured things will figure themselves out with time. There was about a month after we broke up that we didn't speak and it was terrible, I would cry and cry about it and when I would go out with friends and guys would wanna hook up I just never could, it was like I knew they weren't as good, why do I feel this way? is something wrong with me? sometimes I feel like a terrible person. I feel like I'm very frightened to even kiss him, it's a nightmare.

     
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