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destenierae 02-03-2012 05:21 PM

Need help quick!!
I'm here for help don't have anyone to to ask. My husband and I stopped sleeping together when I was pregnant he would say that I needed the room and he didn't want to accidentally hurt me. Well my son is 4 months and one week old and he has slept in bed with me about 4 times. We even stated having intamite time on the couch becuase he wouldn't come in the room and that doesn't happen very often. He says since we haven't done it much he makes him sore but I have caught him a few times pleasuring himself. I know he looks at porn on his phone to. I don't want to sound like a prude but I really want his attention and affection and it's hard for me to be comfortable having a post baby body (I have always had issues with my weight). I have tried talking to him, begging him, crying, being mad. We have been together for 4 years and married for about 8 months. I know we are meant to be and I know he's not cheating but would rather take care of himself and I don't know what to do. Please give advice.

writeleft 02-03-2012 05:58 PM

Re: Need help quick!!
Often men do not really know what to do once the baby comes and wonder if they might be hurting you or have other concerns..

My advice to you is to sit down with him and have a very loving and peaceful talk. As much as you can leave the dramatics and tears and anger out of it, for this makes it all worse. Remember that your hormones are still out of whack and try and avoid letting them come into play.

Wait...another idea comes to mind that you might try first...

Make a special night for you two. If you can have a family member watch the baby all the better. Put clean sheets on the bed, and wear something nice and comfy, but not matronly. Prepare him a nice dinner and let things happen naturally.

It could just be the adjustment to the new baby that is getting in the way...but you have to find a way to let your husband be first at times, so he does not feel like he is in second place.

I hope the best for you...babies are a huge addition to any relationship, but as long as your husband knows you want him and need him like before, that should lead him back to the bedroom with you,


Larrylou'smom 02-03-2012 09:14 PM

Re: Need help quick!!
You need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him that the lack of intimacy is becoming a big problem for you and you are willing to work on it but you are not buying the "makes him sore" story and you need to talk about what the real problem is. There was a well known singer who had this weird, freaky thing about having sex with a woman who had given birth. He just couldn't bring himself to have sex with a woman who had ever given birth. He told his wife when she first married her, but I guess she didn't believe him or something. When she gave birth to their daughter, he stopped having sex with her. He slept with other women, but not her, which led to her having an affair with her karate instructor which led to their divorce. If your husband has some weird, freaky thing like that, then you deserve to know about it. Sit him down and have a non-accusing, frank, honest talk with him about it.

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