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What have I gotten myself into?

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Old 02-19-2012, 12:19 PM   #1
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What have I gotten myself into?

Thanks in advance for advice/reading this. Long story somewhat short....

Have been with my current girlfriend for over 7 years now, it's been my only "real" relationship. We started dating when I was 18 and she was 16. I'm 26 now, and things have been slowly building up and have recently come to a point with me. We started off way too fast like "kids" will do and I think that may be part of the problem. Being that this is my only ltr, I'm not sure if my feelings are valid, or if it's just typical of a long relationship.
As I search for "signs youve fallen out of love," I am about all of them.
-I rarely look forward to spending time or talking to her.
-if I get a txt/call from her, I get agitated easily, and want to do about anything else.
-I don't really even feel like making an effort to try and fix things
-I've "somewhat" taken an interest in other girls(explained below)
-I never want to buy her gifts or surprise her with things.
-After being together 7 years, Im not in a hurry to marry her.
Aside for a few things, she would be any guys dream-girl.
-screws like a pornstar lol, and is open to ANYTHING.
-sends dirty pictures and even dirtier messages when I'm traveling for work
-Doesn't gripe at me except for when I don't show her any attention.
-Doesnt complain about money I spend on my cars and other toys.
-Actually shows an interest in my cars, toys, guns, etc.
-I don't have to worry about her cheating on me while I'm gone.
My problem is I guess, why don't I still feel "in love" with the above described girl? I recently met a girl at work that we just seem to "click." She's not nearly as hot as my girlfriend, but we have long conversations about anything and everything, I make her laugh until her cheeks hurt, and vice versa. That's something my girlfriend and I have never had(the laughter part). Having a good laugh is HUGE to me, and I rarely laugh after I leave work for the day. This has been the case since before new girl came in. This other girl hasn't changed the way I feel about my girlfriend, but has brought the issues to light.

My girlfriend knows about the other girl and thinks our "new" problems are due to her. I explained that theyre not "new" problems, just ones that have been festering with me for a while. With the new girl, I think its more how well we get along, than the girl herself.

Maybe I should note also a few of the things that kill me about my gf.
-She's gained quite a bit of weight the last few years, but carries it well....if that makes any sense. Her face is gorgeous, but her body turns me off. I lost 30lbs last year in an effort to maybe get her to do the same, but with no such luck.
-I feel like I'm dating a guy. She talks like a sailor, farts/burps, and only wears a hoodie/jeans if we go out shopping or to dinner.

I feel like an ******* griping about those things, like why should she change who she is to make me happy? I realize part of the problem lies with me, but any advice or insight to my dilemma? I'm lost

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Old 02-19-2012, 12:55 PM   #2
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Re: What have I gotten myself into?

I can only think of a piece of advice:

You guys need a break from each other. You both need space.

I don't know if such a break is workable for you. If you guys live together, it may be a lot more difficult....

But honestly that is what I think you want before making any other step.

Try to find a way.

But wait a minute: this break doesn't mean that you are going to cheat on each other, ok? It is just that you both need some time alone for yourselves to figure out what you really want.

Old 02-19-2012, 01:29 PM   #3
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Re: What have I gotten myself into?

We do live together, so it doesn't help the situation. I start traveling again next month, so there will be 3-4 days I won't be around her. Wish it was sooner lol.

She doesn't want a break, only me. She acts like a kid getting her puppy taken away from her when I bring that up. Kind of eats me up and turns me off in that regard. I think she's too attached and afraid to want to take a break.

Old 02-19-2012, 05:42 PM   #4
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Re: What have I gotten myself into?

The truth is, you change so much from 18-21 and then from 21-25. And wait until you are in your 30's! You have changed so much in this relationship that the two of you are not the same people. It sounds like you have changed and you are seeking a different type of partner. Cut your ties and move on, it is only fair to her. It sounds like you have little love left for her, which isn't fair to her.
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Old 02-20-2012, 08:51 AM   #5
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Re: What have I gotten myself into?

Okay, here's what I think:

You sound like you want to make it work if it's the right thing to do. The problem is, in life nobody can really tell you the right thing to do. But I do know for sure, that laughter is extremely important in a relationship. If you don't have that with your current girlfriend, and never have, then it's probably time to move on. Your current girl does sound amazing, perhaps aside from the weight issues, because Lord knows finding a woman interested in all the same things as you is hard to find.

As you said, you're probably not in love with her any more and you don't even want to talk to her a lot of the time. You find her unattractive except for her face, even though the sex is good. Now, if it weren't for all the other issues you feel with her, I'd say it's time to make working out the thing you do together. But really, it's time for you to decide whether it's more important to you to be with her or if you want to find the right person.

If I were her, I'd want you to just break up with me if you really felt that way about me. OR, you can try to 1) Not spend so much time with this other girl, keep it strictly business; 2) Start working out with your girl so she gets the hint, and you can maybe become attracted to her (again) by seeing her progress; and 3) Ask her to try to stop cursing, because it's unattractive to see that in any woman. But you sound like you should just break up... I guess that's the best answer I can give you - and hopefully you two can stay friends since you enjoy the same things. And by the way...don't go thinking that women don't burp and fart, especially if you live with one. We have functional body parts too.

Good luck!

Old 02-22-2012, 10:41 AM   #6
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Re: What have I gotten myself into?

i would tend to agree with lovelost. Its not fair to this girl if you even like someone else. You need to be 100% committed to her. It will be painful to seperate but in the end is probably the best thing to do. If you are 'meant' to be together it will happen. Seems that you need sometime apart - even to miss each other. I had the same issues with my bf and ended up taking some time off only to realize that i do love him and miss him. On the other hand - many friends have taken a break and ended up finding someone else that they connect with. In my opinion you need to find your partner sexy and attractive. You need to be in a relationship where your partner can gain 50 pounds and you still find that person attractive and love them. Trust me, if you really really love someone it doesnt matter what happens, you love them regardless.
Sounds also sounds ike she trusts you and feels very comfortable in the relationship that she is dressing down and burping a lot. Maybe just have a talk with her about it and be open and honest?

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