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advice needed (kinda long)

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Old 04-06-2012, 05:44 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2012
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zee3p0 HB User
Unhappy advice needed (kinda long)

first time to this site after searching the internet on how to deal with my "Partner" (in quotation marks because we're in an online relationship and some other details that i will explain)

He lives in England, I live in Australia and I'm constantly busy with school and he doesn't really do anything except game and work.

We met online, on xbox through mutual friends. We're both huge gamers and seemed to have identical personalities and opinions on things and tastes in music etc. so we instantly clicked and started chatting away like no tomorrow and months later he asked if we could be something more, and i felt the same way ( or so i thought) and agreed.

Now that we're together, he's clingy and possessive. I wasn't on xbox for a few days and came online to play something and immediately got told of and was told not to do that again (which annoyed me, i'm very much my own person and don't like being told what to do by someone who isn't an authority figure) He constantly tells me he loves me and misses me and gets annoyed and upset if i don't return the phrases (I am not an affectionate person and im working on dealing with it at the moment but he seems to think its a problem i can cure overnight), if he messages me whilst im sleeping and i don't reply, he gets annoyed and upset. If I talk to one of my male friends in a certain manner he gets annoyed with me.

I am, a very weird and confusing person I am a loner and an introvert. I only have one real life friend, who i see as much as possible (we are extremely close in my standards) I have depression and social anxiety and am not affectionate with people unless its forced upon me (i don't even tell my mother i love her), i'm an animal person through and through. I have a very limited range of emotions and i barely talk to people even when spoken too. I could continue, but these are all problems i'm currently working on. He knows what I am and what i'm like and has previously accepted this, but now that we're in a "relationship" he has expected me to change?

Due to his clingyness and need to be constantly reminded that I "love" him and i miss him and that he expects me to spend every waking moment of my time with him online I am finding myself falling out of love with him. When he messages me on ******** or xbox i dread it, i often make up excuses to ignore him or cut the conversation as short as possible. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever he's online and talking to me and I just want him to be quiet... He talks about owning a business together, kids, marriage etc and we haven't even met! ( We did plan on meeting when I move to england next year though)

I honestly dont know what to do, since we've entered this relationship hes changed so much and i find myself hating/disliking him more and more...But he says that I am one of the only things keeping him here (suicide) and now that he has said this a few times to me I feel like if I say anything or break this off with him I'm responsible for what he may do to himself.

What can I do?

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Old 04-06-2012, 08:14 AM   #2
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Re: advice needed..(kinda long)

this is an unhealthy relationship, he is manipulating you and trying to control you.....threatening suicide is usually manipulation. Please end this pseudo-relationship, you are not happy, and why would you be? this isn't healthy, this isn't shouldn't be anxious to log onto your computer or get told off by him don't need this non-sense
you are your own person, and he is trying to stifle that and you haven't even met this guy and he's trying to manipulate and control you from another country! can you imagine how bad it could get if you were living in the same time zone? cut your losses now......whatever he decides to do, is his own decision and has nothing to do with you

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zee3p0 (04-07-2012)
Old 04-06-2012, 10:39 AM   #3
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Re: advice needed..(kinda long)

I would not let this guy emotionally blackmail you. I had a boyfriend who said if I broke up with him, he would kill himself. I broke up and he didn't kill himself and even if he chose to do this, it wouldn't have been my fault. We all have choices and I hope you determine to cut off your relationship with him. He is much too needy and clingy and really no one needs that in their life. He acts like an immature child and you can find someone who is heathier and allows you to be your own person. Best wishes to you.

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zee3p0 (04-07-2012)
Old 04-06-2012, 02:46 PM   #4
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Re: advice needed..(kinda long)

You have rec'd excellent advice here. But I believe you know in your heart what you need to do. Your assessment of the situation is insightful. Trust your instincts and do what is best for you. It seems to me the things you wish to work on are with face-to-face relationships with others, platonic or otherwise.

I think the internet can be a wonderful way to meet others, especially for shy or introverted folks (me too). I met my husband that way but we also met in person fairly soon. Before that I did have some pseudo-relationships online that always got dysfunctional fairly quickly. How could they not?

You might need to travel in different circles online for awhile if you do indeed break things off. Perhaps you'll even need to change some of your contact info. Best of luck to you.

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zee3p0 (04-07-2012)
Old 04-06-2012, 05:57 PM   #5
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Re: advice needed..(kinda long)

Thanks for your advice, I do believe I need to end things. I've wanted to for a while but I'm unsure and worried about what he may do, I still care about him but he is driving me insane with the clingyness..

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