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Don't know if I want to pursue a relationship

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Old 05-14-2012, 09:43 PM   #1
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Ashley1990 HB User
Question Don't know if I want to pursue a relationship

I have been talking to/dating this guy (Ben) for the past three weeks and I really like him. The complicated things about this situation are, 1) that I still have feelings for my ex (Greg) of 4 years that I broke up with a year ago and can still see a future with him, and 2) that I have known Ben since high school and have had feelings for him since. I have a long and developed connection with both of them. Both of them feel very strongly for me and they are the two people I've never been able to get out of my head no matter who I am with. My only problem now is whether or not to pursue a relationship with Ben knowing that I can see a future with Greg.
Now, apart from a the first three months after we ended things, Greg and I still hung out every few weeks since we separated. But recently discussed before I started hanging out with Ben again that even though we can see potential for us in the future, we have agreed that right now is not the time to try again.
I really like Ben and he makes me laugh, makes me happy, takes good care of me, and I can tell truly cares for me. Neither of could just be friends with the other. I'm afraid of breaking his heart, but feel that I would regret not trying to be with him in some way. And at the same time I'm afraid of losing Greg because of this new relationship. These thoughts consume every minute I have alone and I just do not know what to do about it.
Any help is greatly appreciated.

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Old 05-14-2012, 11:28 PM   #2
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Re: Don't know if I want to pursue a relationship

I can't imagine how you would proceed with either of them! You would be hurting the other. Maybe it is better that you focus on them both as friends. The main thing in all of this is to be honest and honorable at all times. I imagine that one or both of them WILL demand that you choose sooner or later. I do not envy you. Sera

Old 05-15-2012, 07:24 AM   #3
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Re: Don't know if I want to pursue a relationship

Perhaps if you filled us in on why you and Greg broke up, it would make more sense. I don't really understand knowing you love someone, and they love you, and you both know you will be together forever someday, but just not now??? Sorry, but Whuhh??? I don't get that. But it seems as long as you feel this way about Greg, any man, including Ben, will be nothing more than a place filler. And it sounds like Ben deserves a whole lot better than being just something you do to kill time till you and Greg can get your acts together. I don't think you should exclusively or seriously date anyone until you either give it a real go with Greg or put Greg entirely in the past.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-15-2012 at 07:26 AM.

Old 11-16-2012, 03:31 AM   #4
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Re: Don't know if I want to pursue a relationship

My opinion is that you may try to find out if Greg still has serious feelings for you. Perhaps you might try to acquaint Greg with one of your female friends and see if anything develops. Greg would then accept the fact that your new relationship with Ben is serious and would graciously bow out.

However Greg might not want to end his relationship with you and would be inclined to show his real feelings toward you. You must do something, or else you will be in a miserable and ambivalent state until this is resolved.

Last edited by Kristoforo; 11-16-2012 at 03:34 AM.

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