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  • Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

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    Old 05-17-2012, 03:49 PM   #1
    princesscol
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    Unhappy Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

    This is a long story but Iíll try to keep it short. I was with my bf for 3 months and he proposed on valentineís day. We were both so in love and everything seemed great. After the engagement, we just kept fighting. This went on for about a month until he broke up with me. We were broken up for 2 weeks and I was miserable. And he says he was miserable as well. I came back to him. I called him after two weeks and said we need to talk, we can't just throw everything away. After we talked, we got back together. We have now been back together for about a month in a half and nothing is even close to being the way it was when things were good. Also, I should mention that he returned the engagement ring and we are back together but putting the wedding on hold (not my idea). He says we broke up because we couldnít communicate so now every feeling or question I have I ask him. I don't want to hold anything in but heís just not the same. I used to say he was the sweetest man I ever met and now heís just falling in line all the jerks Iíve dated in the past. He says he thinks he babied me and heís not gonna do that again. So basically heís telling me that heís never going to be that nice to be again? At least thatís how I took it. I mean I feel so insecure. Like Iím not good enough or worthy enough to be someoneís fiancť and have someone want to spend the rest of their life with me. I just don't know what to do. Do I let it go and try to move on? It just seems like Iím trying and heís not and when I try to tell him thatís how it feels he says Iím attacking him and blaming everything on him.

     
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    Old 05-17-2012, 04:28 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

    Give this one away! You have seen all the nice side of him. He MAY trot it out again if he wants something, but your days on the pedestal are over. I have seen this so many times. Narcissist alert!! Sera

     
    Old 05-17-2012, 04:34 PM   #3
    Agenda
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    Re: Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

    Move on. This is not going to work, he is not even trying. You cannot make a relationship work without effort from both of the people involved.

     
    Old 05-17-2012, 05:23 PM   #4
    Kszan
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    Re: Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by princesscol View Post
    I mean I feel so insecure. Like Iím not good enough or worthy enough to be someoneís fiancť and have someone want to spend the rest of their life with me.
    Ok, this your first mistake. Why are you ascribing HIS faults onto you? Why does HIM being a jerk mean that you're not good enough? You have to stop thinking that way because his jerkdom is not on you, it's on him.

    Secondly, he is a jerk. You only dated for 3 months, you barely know the guy. That initial honeymood period where everyone is on their best behavior at the beginning of the relationship was still supposed to be going on when you broke up. Now, he is really being his TRUE self, which is, a jerk. Why are you buggin about breaking up with a jerk?

    Third, he is a jerk. You can do way better. Don't even sweat it, lose the chump and find someone who isn't going to be such a huge loser. Why would anyone want to marry someone like him in the first place? He sounds like most peoples' worst nightmare so I don't see where this is any big loss for you to break up with him.

     
    Old 05-17-2012, 05:57 PM   #5
    CadenceA
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    Re: Need advise...me and my ex are back together and things just aren't the same

    You two haven't even been together 6 months and things are already lousy! You won't want a lifetime of this!

    I know, you're probably telling yourself "but he was so sweet those first 3 months!!" Well, anyone can act sweet for 3 months. That's easy. It becomes harder to put on an act the longer it goes on, though. He can't put on the act anymore.

    You didn't know him when you accepted his "proposal" and you really don't know him now. It takes a good year of steady dating to really start to know someone, and more than that to find out if you can spend your lives together.

     
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