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  • Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

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    Old 06-22-2012, 09:08 AM   #1
    niknak2
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    Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    I've never resorted to online forums or anything, but I just wanted to talk to someone.
    So my mom accidentaly told me that she would never like to go through a betrayal again. My heart sank when i questioned her, and it turns out my dad had a small affair over 10 years ago. Apparently everyone knew about it but me. I am now 20 years old and my older sister said she never wanted me to find out because I was too small then to understand. My family now is as strong as can be and I've always admired my parents marriage. It's just so crazy how I never knew about this whole secret past and am just finding out. So while everyone is already healed from old wounds, I feel like I am barely going through the situation. It just seemed so hard the way I had to find out about it.
    In part I think of how our family has progressed and changed for the better, but I also feel bad for my older sister for having to go through it all alone- I also admire her for trying to protect me. I feel like I am slowly getting over it, but i can't help it when it occasionally crosses my mind. I love my dad and my mom, but I can't believe this once happened!

    Any advice or what do you think? I just want some feedback...

     
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    Old 06-22-2012, 10:19 AM   #2
    Agenda
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    Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    I think they were right not to tell you as you were only 10, way too young for such information. I also think that it is a matter just for your parents, no one but the two people involved in a relationship really know what goes on. It is in the distant past leave it there and be thankful you are now a strong family.

    Good luck,

     
    Old 06-22-2012, 10:30 AM   #3
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    Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    Finding out these things is always a shock. Learning the hard way that parents are only human forces us to revise all our cosy security about how we see them. You are right in that everyone else has long moved on from this, and that leaves you sort of dealing with it alone. It is good that your family is quite open about it; you can talk about it with your sister at least. You are dealing quite well too in that you are working your way through your emotional responses to the news. You can learn a lot about yourself when things like this happen, and it is all this learning that builds your strength and insight. You will assimilate this knowledge over time, and it will lose this impact on you. Sera

     
    Old 06-22-2012, 06:19 PM   #4
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    Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    Doesn't matter...

    I'll keep my personal issues to myself.Thought it would help. I was wrong.
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    Last edited by Phoenix; 06-26-2012 at 02:35 PM.

     
    Old 06-22-2012, 08:17 PM   #5
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    Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    This is a hard thing for a child to find out about. What is to be remembered dis that your father has atoned for his mistake and that your mother forgave him.

    The fact that they are still married and have a strong relationship tells you about the strength of their vows. Your father admitted his mistake and they moved on.

    I am proud of you for working through this. If you find that you can't seem to get past it, seek help, please.

    Have you talked to your Mom about this? It might help to put some of your uncertainties to rest. She should be willing to at least explain what happened to you.

    The best to you....and please keep posting if you feel you can.

     
    Old 06-23-2012, 07:16 AM   #6
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    Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

    hi niknak, I think you have to put this in context and at 20 that can be hard to do but as you get older it will become easier. In the case of an affair like this, the biggest victim is your mother and everyone was right to keep this from you because you were so young. Your mother though has dealt with it and learned to forgive your father. But now you are left with feelings that perhaps your father is not the person you though he was or that your parents marriage is not as perfect and shiny as you thought?

    It really is a shame that you learnt of this because it's just not something you needed to know about (nor you sister). I guess when we grow up we see our parents a certain way and it can be quite difficult when something makes us realise they are just regular people with faults, imperfections etc just like everyone else. I think it is just going to take you some time to accept that but keep in mind that you will never know the exact circumstances and you will be able to get over this, yes your parents are imperfect, we all are in some way and as you get older you will understand that better. good luck

     
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