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NextLevel 06-24-2012 11:59 PM

My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
Hey Folks...I've used this board in the past to great effect so I had to sign up again for a topic that is on my mind. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

My girl and I have been dating for about 3 months and we're head over heels about each other, total puppy love. The other night when we were out for drinks she decided to let me know that she is bisexual and she has had relationships with women in the past. She said she didn't bring it up earlier because she didn't want to freak me out and she's not always comfortable talking about it. Needless to say I was caught off guard. But I told her it didn't matter to me and it doesn't make me think any differently of her. But as the days have passed more thoughts have been brewing in my head. We've only had sex two times and some bells started to go off in my head thinking about it. I would perform oral sex on her vigorously and extensively which she really enjoyed and brought her to orgasm but she still hasn't returned the favor and would barely touch me down there. And after only a few minutes of intercourse she starts to go dry. Thinking on those facts now with my newfound knowledge has left me feeling a little insecure. But another side of me thinks maybe we just need more time to grow comfortable with each other in that setting. Otherwise in public and private she is totally affectionate...she is all over me and smothers me with kisses. Every other facet of our relationship is stellar. So I'm not sure what to make of this new relationship. My fear is she'll never be fully satisfied with just a man. I know she has several lesbian friends and she occasionally tags along with them to gay bars. I'm not sure what to make of all this or how to broach the subject correctly with her...I didn't press the issue because she did say shes not always very comfortable discussing it. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated, thank you.

Jmart432 06-25-2012 06:36 AM

Re: My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
I for one would never feel comfortable dating a bi woman. I'd always feel as if I could never satisfy her alone. Not to mention "bi" women are usually quite promiscuous so I'd always worry about being cheated on as well.

Kandles 06-29-2012 07:32 AM

Re: My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
Don't be insecure sweety, if she didn't like you she wouldn't want to be with you. If you're getting this worried maybe you should just ask her why she doesn't want to "return the favor." Being bi just means one thing, she likes men and women. If you had a vagina, she would still love you. She loves you for you, not for your gender.

Deadmano 06-29-2012 08:11 AM

Re: My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
Dear NextLevel,

She is bi-sexual, not Lesbian. So why are you worried about her cheating on you with other women when she could do the same with other guys? It is just a preference, and totally her choice. I can't comment on her motives but there must be a reason that the two of you have hit it off. A relationship is nothing without trust, I have been there and am still coping with the aftermath, and I can tell you if you don't attend to it at an early age then it will fester into something nasty and uncontrollable.

The first thing you need to do is speak to her, openly. Tell her exactly how you feel and what is bothering you. Don't be shy, if this is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with and you're only gonna live once then there is nothing stopping you! Respect the fact that she has bi-sexual/(lesbian?) friends and give her the freedom she needs to make the right choice, you can never force anyone to do anything against their will.

The biggest advice I can give you, which I administer to myself all the time, is the old "put yourself in their shoes". How would you feel if the roles were reversed and what would you do differently?

She might have not yet fully developed her sexuality as of yet, perhaps a different approach to things may help. Don't rush things, take it easy and get her into it. Any woman would not seem up for it if they weren't aroused, regardless of their sexual tendencies. There are plenty of guides online that you could check out, but from my own experience I can tell you that what works for someone else may not work for you hence experiment and see what does work for the both of you.

And don't be insecure! If she wasn't interested in you, you probably wouldn't be hitting it off with her in the first place. Get to know her better, on a personal level, so that you can understand her and predict her actions in order to prevent any unwanted results.

I honestly wish you the best of luck, and that your situation improves!

NextLevel 06-30-2012 09:56 PM

Re: My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
Thank you for the feedback Folks! It was very re-assuring. We sat down and had a talk about everything and smoothed it over. The bisexuality is no longer an issue for me and I'm quite comfortable with it...although another issue came up in our discussion that has me concerned, she told me she has cheated in past relationships but it was with men that were verbally and emotionally abusive and she felt totally miserable and resentful towards them. I've never been that type of guy so I have no fear of our relationship turning into something like that..but another part of me thinks once a cheater, always a cheater. But I'm just going to try and let go and take the ride and enjoy every moment and let come what may...paranoia and suspicion is no way to approach a new budding relationship...and as of now we're both extremely happy with each other.

Kandles 07-01-2012 08:55 AM

Re: My girlfriend just told me she is Bisexual - Mixed Feelings
I agree with what you said, paranoia and suspicion are just going to make the relationship more difficult. I'd say to give her the benefit of the doubt. :) Being honest and open about having cheated in the past is a lot better than keeping it in.

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