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Frustrated and helpless

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Old 07-09-2012, 09:10 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kempner, Texas
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Karana1298 HB User
Frustrated and helpless

Ive been married a little over 3 years, and I am now 8 months pregnant with our first child. I stopped working 2 months ago because of the pregnancy and because my husband and I agreed that we wanted the baby to have a parent at home to raise him at least during the beginning months of life.

My husband was on active duty in the military, however he just recently had a board ruling come through that said he qualified for disablity because of active duty related injuries. He has just been discharged because of that. Since we learned that he would be getting out, I have been pushing for him to start submitting resumes and to look for a job. This has been a constant fight between us putting major stress upon our relationship. We have been arguing over this for 3 months now and it is going no where.

The arguement:

My side: I can not work at the moment, besides the fact of going into labor any week now, no one is going to give me a job (yes I know legally employers cant deny you work because your pregnant - however you try telling a employer that your ready to start work next week when you obviously about to pop and will need maternity leave in the next month or two). Our only source of income is disappearing and my husband refuses to look for work. For 3 months Ive seen him use all his extra time playing video games and spending time with friends. Dispite my begging, pleading, helping, setting up deadlines (example: Will you have your resume done by next month, can we agree upon that?), and finally threatning. Nothing works, he gets motivated for a day or two, he works on stuff, then hes back to playing video games and ignoring it.

His side: He beleives that we have enough money saved up to pay for the coming child and our expenses without both of us working for months. He beleives that the amount of disability benefits he will be receiving from the VA will be enough income for us to live off of until he can find work, so he sees no reason to start looking, "I have months still til I need to look for work". He beleives that because he is a disablied veteran that he will be able to find work easily once he starts looking (although statisics show disablied vets have the highest unemployement rates).

I dont know whats left to do, it is driving me crazy. Nothing I say changes his mindset that he doesnt need to work. The money we had saved was so we could put a downpayment on a house in the next year or so, now he wants to use it to live off of while the plays video games. We were at a negative income since I stopped working and will be even worse off as soon as he stops getting paid by the military as his disability percentage is less then half what he was making on active duty. I can go to work instead of taking care of the baby however that solution only patchs things months down the road after I have the baby and can return to work.

What can I do? What am I doing wrong?

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Old 07-09-2012, 09:21 PM   #2
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Oompah HB User
Re: Frustrated and helpless

Wow, sounds like he's lazy as all get out.

As the man it is his responsibility to provide and care for HIS family. Even if you weren't having a child and had a 6 figure income there's no excuse for him not to work or at least be looking for a job.

If he won't look for a job now, especially considering the circumstances he certainly won't later.

You should divorce him and take him to the cleaners

Old 07-09-2012, 11:25 PM   #3
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Re: Frustrated and helpless

this is not a good time for you to be under stress. I suggest you warn your husband that if he doesn't actively seek employment when the baby is born, then you are out of here. Then relax and forget it until then. You are not going to starve in the next few months. Keep calm and then have your baby, enjoy that, enjoy your newborn. Then check. If he hasn't stepped up, then go home to mother and stay there until he has a job. It is all his choice what happens then. You are not nagging him, getting yourself stressed out and risking your health. If he chooses to stay unemployed, then you choose to remove yourself from the marriage. It is up to him. Sera.

Old 07-10-2012, 05:13 PM   #4
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raziel1687 HB User
Re: Frustrated and helpless

I know exactly what you're going through (almost). Not about having a baby, but about the man not working and barely looking for work (and so does my sister-in-law who is married my man's twin!!!!).

He would always be playing around on the internet, and never looking for work, and I was the only one working. We would fight about it all the time. He didn't have a job for 2 years!!!! (but I did get him to go to a tech school for 6 months).

But I had to tell him, if you don't get a job by such and such time. It's over. It's a bit harder for you to say that since you are married with a baby on the way, but sometimes ultimatums are the only things that work for some people.

It got so bad, that I literally had to apply for jobs FOR him. The job he has now is a job I actually found for him.

The economy is bad right now, so when he does start actually looking it could still take months to find a job.

You should tell him that it doesn't matter how much savings you guys have or how much diability he is receiving, but it is unacceptable for him to not work while you can't, because you can never predict what financial problems could happen in the future. Work before Play. I've learned with some people being nice just doesn't work, sometimes you have to be a B**** about it. Unless you go back to work and it's his responsibility to take care of the baby (if you trust him to do so)?

Or if he doesn't get a job by a certain time, his video game system and video games go bye bye....Throw them all away. Get rid of the cable, get rid of the internet. Leave for him nothing to do except get a job.

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