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torn between two women

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Old 07-12-2012, 09:14 PM   #1
seriously lost
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: midwest
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seriously lost HB User
torn between two women

I am in desperate need of help. Here is the short version of my problem. I have been married for 18 years and have 2 kids, 16 and 14 yr old. My relationship has been pretty good, but the communication has not been the best. I have always felt like I was not being listened to and treated poorly by my wife. We have talked about it and also been to counseling a little. I have grown more and more distant from her due to her opinionated discussions we have. I always seem to feel like it is my fault by the time we are done talking. SO.....about 3 years ago, I turned to my computer and started chatting with people on there (mostly women). In them I found acceptance and understanding that I wasnt feeling at home. My wife didnt know about this and it was nice to have some people who would just listen and not judge what i was saying. So fast forward to today. I have made a very close relationship with one of these women that I have chatted with. We have totally hit it off and are totally committed to each other and would probably say in love. I love talking with her and have spent many hours chatting with her and becoming closer to her. Well, my wife found out about me chatting with these women, (but not the seriousness of my relationship with this certain person). She asked me to leave for a couple of days and she thought about what she wanted to do. I totally understand that it is my fault for doing this and lying to her and hiding things from her. She has taken me back and is being very supportive of me. What is the problem you say? I am feeling like a guest in my own house and dont feel the connection with my wife any more. I feel like I need to leave and let her be happy since I have hurt her. I also feel this strong connection with my "very close friend" and want to be with her. I dont know what to do
I want my "close friend" and at the same time dont want to hurt my wife and family
PLease help

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Old 07-13-2012, 08:56 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
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Kandles HB UserKandles HB User
Re: torn between two women

The only thing that I can tell you is to follow your heart. If your wife hasn't made you happy before, will she really make you happy now? Maybe you're just over her and you want to move on. You can't avoid moving on just because it might hurt someone. It's going to hurt YOU to stay...and you have to think about you here, not other people. If you're going to be happier by leaving, then leave!

Old 07-13-2012, 10:20 AM   #3
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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
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Re: torn between two women

You have to be careful in the fact that you have never met the person you have been chatting to, have never lived with them and you may already have difficulty realizing how people change once they are in a married 'living together' relationship. I think the reality right now is that you might be 'in love' with the perception of who this other person is. This doesn't mean that this person has a different internet persona than they would in real life, it just means that right now there aren't any expectations between each other. Once two people meet in person that's when the expectations begin, whether we realize it or not. As far as your wife, I would really look online at what women need in married relationships down to the tee and then ask yourself, have I been attentive to that? After that point if you realize that you have been not just committed to your wife, but fully attentive to her needs and still it is not working out then it may be time for things to change. But be careful not to be swayed by the 'feeling' that you have been a great husband or swayed towards the perception that there's something better waiting in the wings for you.

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