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anon999ymous 07-29-2012 04:48 AM

I think I'm in love with someone who isn't my girlfriend
Hey guys,
Four months ago I met a girl at uni. At first I didn't think it would go anywhere, but then I realised we had heaps in common, we had similar personalities and both of us had never been in a relationship. We were and still are both 18 and had similar experiences in high school of being shy and never having any luck with the opposite sex. We have been dating for three months now.

At first I was so excited. Actually having a girlfriend after waiting for so long. It seemed perfect when I found out that we were both each others first kiss. As time progressed, I realised that she was much more shy and self conscious than I was. Uni (College) had made me much more confident and people were finally seeing that I was a fun and sporty person which people in high school did not see as they considered me to be a nerd. Things were going really well for ages. I told her I love her about 2 weeks ago but I'm not sure if what I said was the truth. My girlfriend is the most kind, polite, generous and caring person I have ever met. I really do like her, but lately I have been thinking really hard and wonder if this is the girl I really want to be with for a long time. If this is the girl I want to marry. I have found that she is just too boring and uptight for me to feel completely comfortable in the relationship. Sometimes I find it really hard to keep a conversation going wth her as she is quite shy. She almost never drinks and I think that she has only been going to Uni events and parties because I have.

It makes me feel sick every time I think about what I'm about to type.
I live in a house of 20 people. There are only four guys. Near the start of the year (about 6 months ago) I became very attracted to one of the girls in the house. At first I thought it was just lust as she was (and still is) extremely attractive. Later I discovered that she had a boyfriend. I realised it wasn't just lust when we became best friends as the year progressed. We always talk and joke and have heaps of fun. Ofcourse, 2 months ago, her boyfriend broke it off with her and suddenly she was available. At this stage I was already with my girlfriend. In the last two weeks I have realised that I love this girl from my house but I think I love my girlfriend as well. The thought of it makes me feel terrible.

Every time I see the girl from my house, I get excited, yet I don't feel this same excitement when I see my girlfriend. I have long and comfortable conversations with the girl from my house, yet conversations with my girlfriend feel forced. The girl from my house is so energetic, exciting and spontaneous. I am so confused. I don't know if the girl from my house feels te same way about me in any way. I feel like my girlfriend adores me much more than I do her.

I think that my girlfriend believes in no sex before marriage because we still have not done anything beyond kissing. I constantly feel horny when we are kissing but get frustrated when we do not go any further. I know it all sounds bad, but I can't control any of these feelings. I just want to be happy.

What should I do?

Whynowthis 07-29-2012 05:23 AM

Re: I think I'm in love with someone who isn't my girlfriend
You are young! You deserve to be happy! You don't owe your girlfriend anything. You've only dated her for 3 months and is only your first girlfriend. Be respectful of her and at least be honest and tell her you dont see the relationship going any further. Then you can pursue the other girl. I just think as long as you end things with your current girlfriend FIRST (it just doesn't seem like its compatible) you should not feel guilty about pursuing the other girl.

You are young and owe it to yourself to date plenty of people to find out who you are most compatible with before choosing a life long mate. Most people don't marry the first person they kiss/date, so dont feel bad about this at all.

Good luck!!

noevr 07-29-2012 06:26 AM

Re: I think I'm in love with someone who isn't my girlfriend
I would let your girlfriend down easy so that you don't hurt her so bad, cuz she's probably going to be hurt either way, its part of life. But now with the other girl, she sounds nice and you two seem to be hitting it off pretty good. But I'm not so sure you really know her that well? or could I be wrong? Let me ask you, if things don't work out with her are you going to regret breaking up with your girlfriend? Just wondering. and I agree, you are young, have fun and enjoy yourself! cj

anon999ymous 07-29-2012 07:52 PM

Re: I think I'm in love with someone who isn't my girlfriend
I feel like I know them as well as each other particularly because the girl from my house is so open. I understand what you're saying here, but I honestly don't know if I would regret it. However, I think I would regret leaving any relationship to some extent.

Kszan 07-29-2012 09:44 PM

Re: I think I'm in love with someone who isn't my girlfriend
You're way too young to be thinking long term at this point. It's in your best interest as well as whomever you do end up with long term that you take the time now to date a lot of people and get it all out of your system before you make a major commitment. People who don't give themselves that opportunity while they are young are the ones who end up either cheating later or being resentful that they didn't take the time to sow their oats when they had the chance. If you break up with your girlfriend you'll be doing her a huge favor anyway because you said yourself that you're just not that into her anymore and it's a lot worse to stay with someone out of pity than it is to let them go find someone who does want to be with them.

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