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Boss is a Bully, but I work in HR!!

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Old 08-09-2012, 08:43 AM   #1
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krc229 HB User
Boss is a Bully, but I work in HR!!

Hi everyone, I could really use some advice.

I currently work as an assistant to the Director of HR (my boss). The only person above my boss is the Superintendent.

I have worked in this position for 6 months. I first noticed my boss' unethical behavior, occasionally-abusive tone, and chaotic management methods a few months in. I thought I could suck it up for a year and then leave. Boy, was I wrong.

A few weeks ago I started having nightmares about work, and I started having anxiety before work and especially on Sundays. The days when my boss was gone at conferences, I felt FINE, because I get along great with all my other coworkers and I could get my work done without being bullied. But once she returned, she made me feel so disrespected and stressed out that I started becoming tense and panicky whenever I heard her voice.

I am constantly stressed because my boss makes me do SO much (even duties that are on HER job description), but she never bothers to sit down with me and train me properly. Her version of proper training is barking orders at me in 5 minutes and then running off to a meeting. I can't learn well like that. On top of it, she makes small jabs at me when I make tiny mistakes. I understand being spoken to when I make BIG mistakes. But yesterday she stopped me as I was leaving the office to go home for the day to reprimand me for putting a 9 instead of a 2 on a form, when she could have easily corrected that mistake in 1/2 a second. Or, at least she could have waited until the next day to discuss it instead of stopping me in front of my coworkers as I was headed out the door.

I stayed home from work today because I snapped at my boyfriend this morning for something that shouldn't have been a big deal. I have realized that I have become a truly angry, nervous person over the past few months. And it is because of my boss.

The worst part? She and I ARE Human Resources. We are the only HR employees. I know I should sit down and talk to her about how I feel, but she makes me feel so intimidated and weak that I am nervous. I could also go to the Superintendent, but he is on her side (and notoriously not very supportive of the "underlings").

I am a really hard worker. I have a Masters degree. I get along great with people when they respect me. So I don't deserve this. Do you guys have any thoughts on how I can approach this?

Thanks for your help.

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Old 08-09-2012, 01:39 PM   #2
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Patricia225 HB User
Re: Boss is a Bully, but I work in HR!!

File a complaint of harassment.

Old 08-09-2012, 06:08 PM   #3
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Re: Boss is a Bully, but I work in HR!!

You need to show her you can't be bullied, and I think the easiest way to do this is to simply stop her when she is doing the bullying.

I had a similar boss years ago. It was mostly her tone of voice that would turn me off. Once, when she got snippy with me, I just stared silently at her and looked confused. She knew what I was thinking. It was uncomfortable.

My simple advice, is to just look her in the eye next time and don't say anything. If she does it again, then say, "please do not talk to me that way, it makes me feel...(you fill in the blank)."

My husband works under a very intense and crazy CEO. The man flips and swears at people. He did it to one woman in the company and she simply told him never to talk to her that way again b/c she doesn't talk to him that way! Guess what? He never did it again!

Sometimes people don't understand their tone of voice and how it effects people. Perhaps they aren't even aware of it. So, my best advice is to call them out, gently and without being confrontational. Good luck!
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK

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abuse, self esteem, work related

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