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Craziness 08-27-2012 07:04 PM

Girlfriends newborn
Me and my girlfriend started dating about 2-1/2 years ago. She has a boy from previous marriage and I have one daughter from a previous marriage. About 6 months into our relationship she got pregnant, although its not what we wanted, I had promised her that I would be there for the baby. Then she had a miscarriage which pretty much tore us both up. We stayed together for about another year, then called it quits between us. Well that didn't last but 2 months and we started talking again. A month later she misses her period and yep, she's pregnant. I questioned her if she had been with anyone else, and she admitted that she had one night with a guy right before we got back together but there was no way it could be his. So during the whole pregnancy I had doubts, but I also believed her when she told me it had to be mine. I was out of the country and couldn't get home in time when the baby was born, she had already been discharged from the hospital by the time I made it there. Although we don't live together, me and my daughter spent alot of time at her house the first month with the new baby, everyone was excited and everything was going great, marriage was being discussed. But those doubts were still in the back of my head so I decided for my own peace of mind to have a DNA test done. Got the results back, I am not the father....the one other guy has been tested and awaiting results now but we all pretty much know what it's going to be, and he has already made the statement that he did not want anything to do with the baby.

So here we are now. My daughter thinking she has a baby sister, I was thinking I had a new baby girl. I haven't had my daughter back at her house since I found the results out, I told her that they are out of town, but that's only gonna work for so long. Me and my girlfriend are still talking as of now and I still go see the baby, after being by her side through the pregnancy and there with the baby everyday the first month, I must admit I am attached to the baby although now I know it's not mine, it's hard to just stop seeing and caring for the baby.

Any advice on what I should do? Especially with my daughter, I dont think she will understand right now, she's only 6. I love my girlfriend and don't want to leave her but at the same time I am afraid of what could happen in the long run as I get more and more attached to the newborn baby. I honestly believe that she is sorry for what she done, but I am kinda torn between leaving her or staying together helping her raise a baby that is not mine. Any input appreciated.

Seraph 08-27-2012 07:46 PM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
You would not be the first man to bring up a child that wasn't his biological one. There are millions of great stepfathers and so on out there. Apart from your knowledge about the baby's paternity, how can this child be different from, for example, her other son? Put it this way - if you want the relationship, the child comes with it. If you don't think you can be a dad to this baby, then it may be better if you split. If it were me, I think the bond with the baby would make it "mine". A father is more than a sperm donor in the long run. Sera.

Craziness 08-27-2012 08:03 PM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
Thanks for the reply, that is a very good point and you are right, it would be no different from her stepson, and the bond is definitely there between me and the baby.

noevr 08-27-2012 09:54 PM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
not sure about this but shouldn't something be done legally about the biological father to make sure he doesn't change his mind? I mean you don't want him coming back in to the picture. Getting something in writing from him maybe, not sure. cj

NeckIssueGuy 08-28-2012 08:12 AM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
[QUOTE=no34evr;5046658]not sure about this but shouldn't something be done legally about the biological father to make sure he doesn't change his mind? I mean you don't want him coming back in to the picture. Getting something in writing from him maybe, not sure. cj[/QUOTE]

see that is what makes it a mess, as the mother has sole custody now, and if the father wanted he could petition for joint custody,visits,weekends,holidays, If it didn't affect the child in school and such, My opinion is that if you really wanted your woman and the child, you should have signed the paternity papers hands down, problem solved of the other guy thing,it can be done after the birth, The other guy cannot sign his parental rights away it just don't happen,The court could deem him unfit for nonpayment of support and take his rights though, I hope you stay with her and the children as the kids need someone Good Luck figuring it out

MacFly 08-29-2012 08:43 AM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
I see what people are saying, including Sera, however, one must not forget that she lied to being with someone who in fact impregnated her. Now, there is a reason why you broke up, and I assume the only reason she wanted to “talk” is because she knew she was pregnant, and wanted a support to help since she knew the biological father was a dud, and she would be a single mother with two children. My suggestion, forget this deal, and it cannot end good for you, and your daughter, is only six - she is too young to fully understand what is going on, but take it from me, she will understand the unhealthy environment she will be raised in if you stay with her. This lady appears to be deceitful and look for the true reason why you first broke up, and then started talking to her once again - think of the timing of it...... It is not a coincidence.

Do you really want to be involved with someone who two children with two different fathers, plus the woman you had you daughter with - it would appear to get very complicated for me. Run away and only have to deal with your ex - the other option is a disaster.

Run - hard now, but a saviour later. Think common sense about this and forgot the feeling part......

0228 08-29-2012 02:36 PM

Re: Girlfriends newborn
That is a really hard situation but it all depends on how much you love this girl and want things to work... About your daughter it has only been a month and even though she won't understand it would be easier for her and you to part with the baby now then it would be for you to stay with this girl and be very attached and then something happen to you and then she takes that baby away.. although you could if you were to marry her legally adopt the baby then that wouldn't happen.. but as I said it depends on how much you truly love your girlfriend and believe that things could work out then give it a shot but if you are only attached to this baby then things probably won't work out in the long run and chances are she wouldn't let you keep coming around this baby that isn't yours if she got mad at you if you both broke up and you found someone new... this is just from my point of view.. Good luck either way <3

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