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  • Why does he keep texting?

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    Old 09-04-2012, 04:00 PM   #1
    sakura84
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    Why does he keep texting?

    So, as some of you know, I recently broke up with my ex almost two months ago. He was wonderful when we first started dating, but there were so many red flags that I refused to acknowledge for the sake of staying with him. Boy, was that a bad idea. Turns out, he was/is a big fruitloop.

    Obviously, after two years of being together, there are some pretty big residual feelings there. I know how badly he treated me, but that doesn't stop my mind from wandering to when we fell asleep side-by-side every night, or when he used to pick me up and twirl me around. I think that's normal though; when people are lonely, they always think of the good times, even when there were some HORRIBLE times.

    What's worse is that he keeps emailing and texting me. Why - after almost two months - am I receiving emails and texts, where he feels the need to “highlight my amazing attributes” (I already know how amazing I am, but thanks anyway), where he tells me that “losing [me] is the biggest mistake of [his] life” (You don’t say…), and that he “want[s] to meet up and talk” (Wait, what?). On the other hand, I have recently been notified that he is still in contact with her (as her freak-of-nature boyfriend keeps informing me despite the fact that I have asked him to leave me alone) and that he is already messaging other women to hang out/signed up for a dating website - don't even ask how I know, I'm ashamed to admit it.

    This weekend, he texted me to say: "I just wanted to say hello, hope everythings ok in your life...wanted to know how the graduation went?" (I teach highschool, so the kids had their graduation in July). I haven't bothered to reply to anything he has written me, but it still leaves a void in my life. LET ME MOVE ON! I don't need any more reminders of you. It hurts too much to know that I wasn't the one he would change for - not that he would change for anyone anyway.

    I don't want him to think I'm scared of him, which is what I think ignoring him is actually doing.

    I don't want to talk to him, so I don't want to reply. I feel that
    gives him some sort of satisfaction or assuages his guilt in some way. He doesn't deserve that.

    I don't want to pretend that I've changed my number and that I'm someone else, because he knows P (my old roommate) and S (my roommate's girlfriend) still talk to me via text. Plus, I'm scared that makes me look like I'm hiding.

    I am also too scared to talk to him because I don't want to know about him being with another woman, or to find out he's only contacting me so that he can feel like he's moved on, so he can start a new relationship. I'm not ready for that yet.

    So....talk to me?

    Last edited by Administrator; 09-05-2012 at 10:07 AM.

     
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    Old 09-05-2012, 02:48 AM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    Pick the reaction (or lack of it) which suits you, and forget about what may be going through his mind. Have you just said "stop"? Block him or whatever, it doesn't matter if he thinks you are scared, what do you care? Two months isn't that long, hopefully he will get distracted or get tired of it soon. Sera

     
    Old 09-05-2012, 02:26 PM   #3
    baffomet
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sakura84 View Post
    I don't want him to think I'm scared of him, which is what I think ignoring him is actually doing.

    I don't want to talk to him, so I don't want to reply. I feel that
    gives him some sort of satisfaction or assuages his guilt in some way. He doesn't deserve that.

    I am also too scared to talk to him because I don't want to know about him being with another woman, or to find out he's only contacting me so that he can feel like he's moved on, so he can start a new relationship. I'm not ready for that yet.

    So....talk to me?
    Why do you feel ignoring him makes you look scared?? If anything, it means that you've moved on and shows strength in your decision to ditch this crap. He's looking for the smallest crack in you to ease his way back into your life and play the stupid games he plays. You don't need to explain anything to anyone why you choose not to reply back. It's your decision.

    Let's go over the facts: 1) He's a liar 2) He's a liar 3) Did I mentioned that he's a liar and even lied in front of your face??

    Even if he truly means what he says (and that's closing your eyes and pretending that nothing ever happened), you know he's a dishonest person, has been super shady in the past and will do anything to cover it up.

    Now again, why do you miss this type of behavior? Do you want to be even associated with or talk to people like this much less people who disrespect you?

    Be strong in your decision and not give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his existence. For you to truly move on, you need to put all of it behind you.

    Good luck and be strong!!
    __________________
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    Eleanor Roosevelt

     
    Old 09-05-2012, 03:37 PM   #4
    sakura84
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by baffomet View Post
    Why do you feel ignoring him makes you look scared?? If anything, it means that you've moved on and shows strength in your decision to ditch this crap. He's looking for the smallest crack in you to ease his way back into your life and play the stupid games he plays. You don't need to explain anything to anyone why you choose not to reply back. It's your decision.

    Let's go over the facts: 1) He's a liar 2) He's a liar 3) Did I mentioned that he's a liar and even lied in front of your face??

    Even if he truly means what he says (and that's closing your eyes and pretending that nothing ever happened), you know he's a dishonest person, has been super shady in the past and will do anything to cover it up.

    Now again, why do you miss this type of behavior? Do you want to be even associated with or talk to people like this much less people who disrespect you?

    Be strong in your decision and not give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his existence. For you to truly move on, you need to put all of it behind you.

    Good luck and be strong!!
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I'm not wavering on my decision to go back to him. There's no way I could ever do that. It doesn't matter if he begs, or whatnot, the fact of the matter is, I could never EVER trust him again.

    It just hurts to see that he keeps reaching out and I don't even understand why. If the door is closed, it's closed. Why keep trying to pry it open, you know? I guess the thing is, I'm confused about why the heck he's even trying to talk to me. I'm also angry and confused that these small little texts even get to me at all.

    I'm wondering if I should just ignore it or tell him to eff off.

     
    Old 09-05-2012, 05:18 PM   #5
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    I suggest you hit that little button on your phone that allows you to block his calls, texts, emails etc. Then you will never have to worry yourself about all this, and can move on with your life from here. What ever he thinks or does not think is irrelevant anyway.

    He may get some sick pleasure out of keeping you on the line...let the fruitloop go!

     
    Old 09-05-2012, 05:27 PM   #6
    baffomet
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sakura84 View Post
    It just hurts to see that he keeps reaching out and I don't even understand why. If the door is closed, it's closed. Why keep trying to pry it open, you know? I guess the thing is, I'm confused about why the heck he's even trying to talk to me. I'm also angry and confused that these small little texts even get to me at all.

    I'm wondering if I should just ignore it or tell him to eff off.
    To be honest with you, the reason why he's trying to keep in contact with you and keeping things friendly is because he's trying to make you his backup plan. I know it's not what you probably want to hear.

    You mentioned that he's still in contact with the other girl. You also know that he's trying to hook up with other women. D-bags do this to have the greatest chance to meetup and have sex. He isn't looking for a relationship with you or anyone. He just wants to get laid and is trying every trick to do so.

    That's why it's important (in my opinion) to just ignore his advances and move on. As I mentioned before he's looking for the tiniest crack to slither his way in and still keep you in his back pocket.

    IF he was truly sincere and remorseful of his actions he would cease all his hookup activities, beg for your forgiveness, and do whatever was necessary to win you back. Given what you have stated, that's is clearly not the case.

    I know breaking up is painful and I'm sure there are times that you do miss him, but just remember how he betrayed your trust and disrespected you to get you past that. I'm more then certain in a few months time, he's going to be crawling back to you.

    I know it's always easier said then done, but just try to be resilient and strong for your well being.

    Good luck!
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    Last edited by baffomet; 09-06-2012 at 11:00 AM.

     
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    Old 09-06-2012, 12:08 PM   #7
    jasmine76apl
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    Re: Why does he keep texting?

    I have to say that you are getting some really good sound advice on this subject and I applaud how strong you have been in not responding to your ex. I went through something recently where I couldn't ignore the guy who broke my heart, as much as I wish I would have ignored him and made him feel as if he didn't matter, I just couldn't.

    Then we started talking again but he had no interest in getting back with me, only felt sorry for me which did nothing but upset me even more. We went back and forth with talking and not talking (mostly it was me who contacted him) until I finally saw for myself that there wasn't anything left in that relationship and had to cut ties for good.

    That was the 13th of last month and although the pain isn't gone I still can't help but fight the urge to want to call him everyday. I wish I had your willpower to close that door. To be honest he contacted me first after it ended and I was the one to contact him each time after that and all it did was left me feeling pathetic and more hurt so good for you that you are stronger than that!!!! Good luck!

     
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