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I am joe 09-27-2012 02:50 PM

Fighting and compromising in a relationship
Hi, me and my GF are together for almost 2 years now. We love each other very much and the first few months was awsum. But now we are fighting like cats and dogs.. mostly about stupid stuff and sometimes more appropriate stuff. Im seeing a psychologist atm and trying really hard to resolve any arguments cause we are both really tired of fighting but she doesn't seem to compromise like I am. She doesn't want to see a psychologist and always just hears what I have to say but after a week or so we fight over it again. It seems that I tell her how I really feel and then she understands it for 20 min and forgets about it. She is only hearing what I have to say and not really listening. She regularly walks out of fights and I always have to say I am sorry (even if I was right). It seems that she always gets her way and I feel there should be a balance. Anyone have any advice on this and if this is healthy or not?

lil mizz J 09-27-2012 03:48 PM

Re: Fighting and compromising in a relationship
Im sorry you are having such problems..
This type of relationship is definetly not healthy.. A relationship should be a balance, its not just one persons wants or needs anymore, you both need to be conciderate of the other.. And by the sounds of if, you are trying to make things better and are wanting her to give the same effort but she does not want too.. And beings she is being that way and also doesnt really listen or truely care how you are feeling doesnt seem like she is whole heartedly in the relationship..
And with that being said I dont think that it will get better because there is only one person (you) trying to make things better when the other is just leaving it as it is and continues to have the petty fights..
I hope things get better but until she changes her ways and starts putting the same effort as you I dont see it happening..

ignoreen 11-04-2012 04:58 PM

Re: Fighting and compromising in a relationship
When you say she doesnt want to see a pysch. do you mean by herself or with you? (big dif.)

When you say she doesnt want to compromise or resolve issues, can you be more specific?

I find that when I fight with someone I feel as though I am trying, they feel as though they are trying, and sometimes there is just a disconnect in perceptions about who is actually trying harder to resolve the issues.

There is a book called the 5 types of Love Lanugages or something like this that kind of explains why two people in love still cant understand each other and get their needs met, no matter how hard they try.

I have just been through it.

Sorry you have too.


barbie9443 11-05-2012 01:12 PM

Re: Fighting and compromising in a relationship
Sorry to hear about your problems with your GF Joe. I am going through the same thing with my BF of 14 years and we are not kids. He's become obsessed with survival stuff and stockpiling (I call it hoarding) food, ammo, equipment, etc. Seems like every nook and cranny is filled with something and I'm tired of it. The thing is that we live in my house and I'm always the one compromising also. I finally cleaned the garage last week and it angered him because I did...Claims he can't find anything, but he hasn't a clue as to what's even in there. I boxed up about 15 copy paper boxes worth of food and that doesn't even count the 12' long cabinet that is filled to the gills. Plus I have a huge dutch barn that is filled with all his stuff that he hasn't even touched since I've known him. He's becoming obsessed with stuff and I don't know how to approach this subject. He thinks I'm trying to get rid of his stuff, when I just want him to stop buying any more. We have enough. Add to that that he does nothing to help me around the house except cut the grass and I'm getting tired of doing it all by myself. We haven't spoken in a week and a half and I'm really dreading having to have this talk, but today will be the day. Ironically, he has his own house that just became empty and I have a feeling that maybe he'll move out, but honestly, I think he's too lazy to move everything that he has. I'm furious, but mostly hurt that he won't take my feelings into consideration. Sorry for the long story, but I do sympathize with you. I think, like me, if you can't agree and the other person is not willing to compromise, the relationship is not going to work. You will end up feeling resentment and that builds over time which is not good, because then you feel like you will explode when you finally do try to talk to them and then you end up playing the blame game or saying things that you can't take back. I plan on keeping my cool, keeping my voice soft, but basically letting him know that I am not willing any longer to keep things status quo. Best of luck to you......I think we both deserve better than what we're getting out of our relationships. I divorced my ex after 28 years of marriage and it will suck to be by myself, but I'd rather be happy alone than miserable with someone. Take care.

I am joe 11-21-2012 11:23 PM

Re: Fighting and compromising in a relationship
My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. We had a situation where it was my fault making her mad, but just to protect my mother who she described as a liar, deceiving, revenge-taking woman that wants to get her back, after my mother(who is kindhearted, takes a lot of crap and still loves and supports and give people gives just out of the goodness of her heart) bought her clothes. She recently started having problems with my friends, she wants to watch the new twilight movie with her girl friend and i said awsum so I could hang out with my best friend that night and she said no she wanted me home, she looks angry all the time and we do not have a good time lately (she said she thinks these couple weeks were great, because we didn't fight).

The problem was that after she said its over and drove off she called me and asked me if i really didn't care, and i said i do and did for 2 and a half years and she kept at it of how i betrayed her trust just by asking my mom if she had an agenda against her, but my mom didn't like my girlfriend in the sense that i would do everything once we got married like look after the kid and clean up the house, ext. in the other cases my mom always had good things to say about her and told me no she was just considered and tried to be nice and was hurt that my girlfriend would say that(she didn't say that I could see it, that hurt me as well cause i know who my mother is).

I just wanted to ask: I see I deserve better, I want her to be happy, but we have been through a lot. I still love her but I want a sunshine relationship with a girl laughing over random stuff, not lying to where we are going and just to enjoy most of the things about the other, not the relationship where she looks angry all the time, shuts down my pc while I am busy on it for being mad, everyday asking why are you mad or what is troubling you and fighting. I see myself really as a nice guy ( I have my flaws but in most cases they are nothing compared to a guy hitting a girl or cheating cause i hate woman and men that cheat or treat her badly, the are more like: I like my time alone with her not all the time but twice a month is great, have a bit of road rage but working on that, ext) who would spoil a girl rotten and i can't say no if I have to help and I know we are both hurting but should I fight for her that maybe she would change? Should I still try to be friends? I don't want to hurt her feelings and I am afraid I would cave and take her back and be miserable even more? I am really confused and and not certain as to how I should react to this.

Seraph 11-22-2012 01:06 AM

Re: Fighting and compromising in a relationship
This woman is bad news. Always-right, control-freak, will never seek help for any conflict because it is always the other person's problem; totally self centred and ignores everything you say to her. Look up narcissistic personality disorder. She sounds like a poster girl for it. My son married one of these, and the whole family has been in hell for years. They are separated now, but there are kids and she is the full psycho ex about access etc. RUN LIKE HECK!! We as our son's parents became the most hated vilified people on the planet, and now she has banned her new partner's parents from the house and her company. Your mother does not deserve what is ahead of her if you stay in this relationship. Sera. Oh, and BTW forget the friends too, they will be frozen out eventually.

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