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Did he cheat on me?

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Old 09-30-2012, 10:52 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: USA
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Ikenberry HB User
Did he cheat on me?

I posted on here before about my ex boyf. We dated for a year, and in that time he had a major surgery, lost his company, his grandmother, and a couple of months ago one of his best friends died. I stuck by him through all of his troubles, but I felt like he was playing up his grief with me more than with anyone else. I'm not saying his issues weren't serious, and I did treat them seriously, but I always felt like I couldn't bring up my own issues, because he seemed depressed. I did everything I could and stood by him, until we finally broke up.

Almost 2 months ago, he began telling me that because of everything going on in his life, and he still hadn't been able to get a job after 8 months, he wasn't sure he could fully give me everything I needed. He said he loved me, and he didn't want anyone else, but he needed to step back from the relationship. He kept telling me he didn't want to lose me and couldn't stand the thought of not having me in his life. He said he wasn't going anywhere, but I told him I wouldn’t sit back and wait. I had accused him of seeing/talking to someone else, but he denied it. He was very emotional and told me he didn’t want to lose me and he seemed upset when I left. I ended our relationship, and I told him not to contact me - and he hasn't.

I found out that he might have cheated on me emotionally while we were together. About 4 months ago, we had gone on a trip to visit his friend, who brought a girl he had just started dating. They didn't last long after the trip, but my ex and I both liked her and kept in touch with her. She and I talked on ******** once in a while, and I just chatted with her 2 weeks ago. I was going to send her something a couple days ago, and noticed she was no longer my friend. When I looked at her page, she had indeed deleted me, and she just added a new friend: my ex's sister in-law. My ex also deleted me, and all of our common friends. So, I guess he had never really stopped talking to her after our trip and now she's meeting the family. It's really crappy we've been apart for less than 2 months, and she's already meeting the in-laws. Especially since it took me almost 5 months to meet them.

However, I do know this girl lives 11 hours away, so if he didn't want to commit to me, I have a feeling he will do the same with her...especially since he still doesn't have a job.

I did send him a very brief email, just telling him I knew what had been going on, and that my intuitions were right. I immediately blocked his email - I don't need a response. I'm just glad now I have confirmation, and I wanted him to know.

Now I'm left with all these horrible feelings of not being good enough, feeling betrayed by him and someone I thought was my friend. Why did he tell me he couldn’t fully commit to a relationship right now, but it seems like he’s dating her?? Why would he want to date someone who lives so far away? Is he really just rebounding because I won’t talk to him or did he really want her this whole time? More importantly, why would he want to date his friend's ex?? Seriously?

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Old 09-30-2012, 03:26 PM   #2
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Re: Did he cheat on me?

You need to take a step back from this and remind yourself that he is your EX. That means that whatever he is doing has nothing to do with you now. The feelings you have about yourself are something ou must deal with on yout own, and you will process it all given time. They have both betrayed you, and that is awful, but it is their bad, not yours. Keep your dignity, break off all contact, and move on with your life, it is all you can do. Maybe you have to accept the fact that this woman is the "right one" for him, whereas the two of you just did not make it as a couple. Bitter as it is, what he seems to have really said was that he was not ready for commitment WITH YOU. Don't be bitter, it happens. Sera

Old 09-30-2012, 09:11 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2011
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Ikenberry HB User
Re: Did he cheat on me?

I's hard and I know I'm going through it, and only time will heal. Honestly I don't think it would bother me as much if I didn't know her. Deep down I know I hadn't happy with our relationship for a while, but I thought most of it was due to the fact I never wanted to bring up my issues, and stress him out more. I guess what makes me so angry is that he kept saying he wanted to keep me in his life - but what if I had waited around, and then I found out he was dating her? I still would've been mad either way. I really don't think he's that serious about her, because it almost seems like he wanted me on the back burner. The girl he dated before me was also long distance. I think he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Old 10-01-2012, 03:35 PM   #4
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Re: Did he cheat on me?

I can only tell you that my now ex cheated w/ long distance woman. At the heart of it, you nailed it. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He still does it to this day. He still uses the other version of ** so he can keep things more private and it's sort of funny to look at this "friends". They are all women from all over the place. He travels to visit them, or they travel to visit him. But he's banking on that distance thing to be his ace in the hole to get out w/ out a problem. Whether he even knows he's doing it or not, my bet is that your ex will not last in this long distance relationship. And it doesn't matter. But I do understand the interest. For some of us we have more of a dimmer switch than a light switch and it takes a while to lose complete interest and move on. I honestly no longer care at all about my ex. But I still find his actions interesting. In a way I think it's healthy. I do not want to forget certain things, but remember and grow.

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Ikenberry (10-02-2012)
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betrayed, cheating, sad

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