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Relationship with Partner could be over.

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Old 11-05-2012, 11:50 AM   #1
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Relationship with Partner could be over.

i have been with my partner almost 2 yrs, though we have known eachother for almost 5. we were best friends first, and left our relationships and got together. Her previous partner was physical and mentally abusive to her.
we have had ups and downs, when it comes to issues that we both have.. because of the relationships thats we have both been in, we have bonded on the issues we have.. insecurities.

recently my partner started acting out of the ordinary to me, not liking me to touch her phone, texting people more often... i went onto our cell phone account and saw that she had been txting a tel# constantly over the last few prev days, and prior to that very frequently and every day, also txting a few other tel#'s that i didnt know as well, but not 50 times a day like the first one. i found out from a paper i saw that it was the # of the person she carpooled with to and from work... she texts this person first thing in the morning, and immediately after they get to work and then all day and after she dropped her off at home... also rcntly would txt her while she was at home with me. i did not know any of this... i had no idea she was this close to this person. i do not believe she is cheating with this woman, because of the age difference and other circumstances.. but.. i confronted my partner and asked why she is acting strange.. she denied anything being wrong.. i pushed further and mentioned the possessiveness over her phone.. she admitted she was txting this friend that she carpools with as well as 2 other co-workers.. one of them i had never heard of and she even said " you don't even know this person that ive been txting'.. but brushed it off like they were friends .. i told her i had seen the cell phone records, and confronted her about the amount txts .. she said it was just rcnlty and its about work...

anyway.. i was blown away that this was happening, and she is standing her ground that these ppl are just friends... and she is adamant that she will not show me her txts or tell me when she talks to them.. i told her i didnt want that, but i need something to make me feel okay. it has been rocky and uncomfortable ever since.. she says she doesnt want to break up, and i certainly dont. but now im suspicious all the time.. she continues to txt in front of me.... i went on our cell acct a couple more times and see that she is now texting this other girl from work that i had never heard of... she calls her almost every day.. and has lied to my face about being at her parents when our account shows she was talking to this girl for almost an hour. i havent told her i went on the account after the first time. she tells me this girl is just a work friend that she has known for 2 yrs. she said she 'isnt sure' if she is single.. and that she doesnt think she is gay.

we are very close, we share everything... i never knew she was keeping this kind of secret from me.. even after our fight she has continued to not tell me that she talks to this girl every day and txts her multiple times throughout the day.. and when she is home. its breaking my heart because i have been trying not to say anythign about it, but i feel like she doesnt care.
she said that she needs a life outside of me and my son, ( we all live together) and she needs to be more than a mother and partner.. and she needs friends to talk to and vent to .... that she needs to have a seperate life away from that but she wants our life too... i dont know how to deal with that.. i want her to have friends and have encouraged her with her hobbies and everything... but told her that im going to be jealous regardless becaue of our history and i need to work through that but the situation where i found out she is talking to this girl is making it impossible for me....

she asked me today ( we just barely started being able to talk to eachother and i cry everyday and have barely eaten in 2 weeks) if it was okay to go on a 5 hr car ride with this girl to drop off a car.... i cound not even believe she asked me that.... i don't understand what to do... and i confronted her on thinking i would be ok with it at all... she said again taht she cant jsut sit around and not talk and she needs friends and shes not just going to not have friends.

we are suppose to sit down tonight and discuss our options for our relationship

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Old 11-05-2012, 03:53 PM   #2
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Re: Relationship with Partner could be over.

I think you're wise to trust your gut, that something is up. If the texts were just friendly texts, there should be no reason in the world why she shouldn't want to at least show them to you, just to reassure you. I hope that when you talk tonight you are very clear about what you can and cannot tolerate. If you cannot trust her, is this a deal breaker for you? Decide what you want. I wish you the best.

Old 11-06-2012, 08:19 AM   #3
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Re: Relationship with Partner could be over.

Originally Posted by tookie83 View Post
because of the relationships thats we have both been in, we have bonded on the issues we have.. insecurities.
this is the statement that jumped out at me the most......bonding over insecurities does not make for a healthy relationship!
your GF is doing something sneaky, no your gut.
this isn't a healthy relationship, and you CAN live without a partner....and you might even like it, why not give it a try? Start depending on YOU to meet your needs instead of your partner

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