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  • How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

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    Old 11-05-2012, 05:28 PM   #1
    ashlee095
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    Unhappy How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    Sorry if this post is long. Please do not judge me. I just need someone to talk to. I have been with my boyfriend over 3 & a half years. I genuinely do love him with all my heart. We've had an amazing relationship and he treats me very well. He is 3 years older than me, he's 23 and I'm 20. I got with him when I was 16 right before I turned 27. The whole point of this though is that I have not been faithful. And today I confessed everything I've ever done. I hate myself. It was so selfish of me to what I've done to him and think its okay. I guess I wasn't ready for a long term relationship as I am younger than him. I liked attention from other guys. I took it too far. I've done multiple things that up until now I never really considered anything but harmless. But I was oh so wring. I haven't had sex with any other man, only him. I've talked inappropriately to multiple people...I guess I just missed the thrill of talking dirty. And one night we were all really drunk and I let a guy do things to me. Being drunk is not an excuse I know. I have realized all of this lately and I finally just let it all out. He is NOT hurt just happy I haven't had sex with anyone else. No he is not cheating on me he is just a very forgiving and understanding person. I can't learn to forgive myself though. I feel like I've failed him and myself. Because his ex slept with all of his friends while they were together. I really do love him and I'm starting to finally learn alot about things. But how do I learn to forgive myself? What can I do? Advice would be greatly appreciated.

     
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    Old 11-05-2012, 05:40 PM   #2
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    The best source of forgiveness will come from every act you perform that proves you have learned your lesson. Just walk the walk.

    Forgiving ourselves is a very important skill that we need to practice more than once in our lives. Just make it as right as you can.

    I hope that helps..

     
    Old 11-05-2012, 06:12 PM   #3
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    Thanks for the reply. I havent done anything in a long time. And I'm keeping it that way. I guess since I'm younger I did what younger people do. Be carefree, but I took advantage of something that you don't have in a relationship and I'm very guilty because of it. It's just over the past few days I started thinking of everything and decided to be a mature adult and confess and realize that I'm not a kid anymore and what I did was uncalled for. Its just the not forgiving myself part that I can't get past.

     
    Old 11-05-2012, 06:29 PM   #4
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    There is a book somewhere that says when you truly love someone you do not act in any way that is harmful to them.

    Is it possible you and this guy are not right for each other

    ?

    I am a very forgiving person but the one thing I cannot forgive is cheating - if a partner is unfaithful, I end the relationship and never look back - I have never cheated despite opportunities to and feel that if you want to be with another person the best most respectful thing is to have the courage to tell your partner and end the relationship.

    I have been cheated on - I forgave him the first time - but he did it again. This is why I cannot forgive it.

    Last edited by ignoreen; 11-05-2012 at 06:31 PM.

     
    Old 11-05-2012, 06:53 PM   #5
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    I do love him. With my whole heart. I don't want to be judged. Its how I feel. If I didn't love him then I would have left him and not cared. I have never admitted my wrongs to anyone but him. I never had sex with anyone. I crossed the line big time though. Sexting and drunken mistakes have no excuses and only I am to blame. I have told him this. I am younger than him and noe that I am maturing more I have realized that you can hurt people and what you think is harmless really is. His views of cheating or sex flat out. He says other such things are just crossing the line. We have different views. But I know what I've done wrong. I came here hoping to get guidance on how to learn to forgive myself. I am not a *****. Just a silly girl who was being carefree and making mistakes. This is the man I plan on marrying. I think honesty was the best thing.

     
    Old 11-06-2012, 12:03 AM   #6
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    Hmm.

    I wouldn't call my statements judments because I just said how I feel and how I would react. I didn't say anything bad about you.

    Second, a lot of people like to call cheating "mistakes" when they are more than that.
    It isn't something that is just "silly".

    It is a pretty big deal.

    Sorry that it hurts, but that is the truth.

     
    Old 11-06-2012, 07:27 AM   #7
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    Re: How do I learn to forgive myself? need advice.

    I'm the same way in that I won't forgive a cheater. For me personally it's not acceptable for a boyfriend of mine to do that while in a relationship with me. However your boyfriend seems to be much more liberal about it and in fact he doesn't seem to care much at all about what you did. Therefore the only person in this situation that is making you feel bad is you. If your boyfriend doesn't care then why should you?

    I wouldn't do it again if I were you but to get past this I would just accept that it happened, you confessed, your boyfriend isn't breaking up with you, so there's nothing more to worry about. I think you're over dramatizing something that he is treating as no big deal. You got really lucky that he doesn't care but I'd take advantage of that and move forward now and just don't do it again.

     
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