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  • Relative: stalker? What to do?

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    Old 11-17-2012, 02:00 PM   #1
    Chimpsarefunny
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    Relative: stalker? What to do?

    Hi--I have a relative that I invited to a party or two as a friendly gesture over the past few years. She has always been a compulsive liar, and "off" emotionally, but I wanted to be nice and friendly, since she had moved to the area. She has also claimed to be an alcoholic on and off for years, including two DUI arrests, but continues to drink heavily. She started doing her hair like mine, bought the same handbag, and started reaching out to my friends to hang out (read, drink heavily) behind my back, without asking if that was OK with me, or inviting me. She has wormed her way into my circle of friends, with deceptive behavior and lies all the way--about how much money she makes, who she dates, etc. I know she lies about me behind my back and has actively tried to alienate me from my friends. I am not sure what to do, but her behavior is very disturbing--including announcing to all of my friends that she had had a child out of wedlock and given the baby up for adoption (not sure if it is true) during my bridal shower. Should I just cut her off? I am actually kind of freaked out by her. Thank you! I am not sure what her "angle" is-trying to befriend my friends, badmouthing me for no reason, saying we look like "sisters"--when we do not. Cut her off? Her mom is crazy, too!

     
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    Old 11-17-2012, 04:01 PM   #2
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    Re: Relative: stalker? What to do?

    This is a worrying situation. In my experience, people like this, once "activated", are almost impossible to get rid of in any simple way. She will not recognise cues like you not returning calls, not inviting her to things, etc. It will get unpleasant. Sooner or later, you will have to be brutal. Try the other stuff first, as above, but be prepared for it not to work. Confide in your friends, ask for their help in not encouraging her to join your circle. Good luck, Sera

     
    Old 11-17-2012, 04:27 PM   #3
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    Re: Relative: stalker? What to do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
    This is a worrying situation. In my experience, people like this, once "activated", are almost impossible to get rid of in any simple way. She will not recognise cues like you not returning calls, not inviting her to things, etc. It will get unpleasant. Sooner or later, you will have to be brutal. Try the other stuff first, as above, but be prepared for it not to work. Confide in your friends, ask for their help in not encouraging her to join your circle. Good luck, Sera
    Thank you--it's tough because she is a first cousin--so it's kind of impossible for me to cut her out of my life--that said, I have no desire to have anything to do with her at this point. I would like to be kind and ask her to seek help for her problems with compulsive alcohol and lying. She has a superficial, let's-go-out-drinking relationship with a few of my friends that she has cultivated "friendships" with and they do not know what she's really like, and it makes me look like a bad person to try to explain that she's, for lack of a better word, psycho... I am just going to ignore for now, but it's really an upsetting situation. My friends do not realize that she is so troubled.

     
    Old 11-17-2012, 08:25 PM   #4
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    Re: Relative: stalker? What to do?

    Without throwing her under the bus, I would mention it to your friends that you do not condone anything she does or says...just give out a gentle warning. Do not go out of your way to involve her in any social activities, and if family events include both of you, just be polite but guarded.

    People like this are usually much better at giving themselves away, than we could ever be at convincing anyone how crazy they are. I would keep family with family regarding her, and keep your friends private. She will likely give herself away all by herself! We all have those family members we have to handle with kid gloves. I know I do!

     
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    Old 11-20-2012, 04:04 PM   #5
    momjenn30
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    Re: Relative: stalker? What to do?

    When I was 16 or 17 I had some girl I knew since we were little doing the same things to me.I remember buying a shirt for a party that I was invited too.We'll she showed up to this same party wearing the same outfit.Then I dyed my hair blond a week later I saw she did the same thing.then with tanning too.I defiantly felt the same way really creeped out and ended up not talking to her ever again.This girl was a weirdo too.But she wasn't family either it was easier to get her away from me.With your situation I would defiantly cut off the friendship with her and do not invite her anywhere.But if you do end up at a family gathering just be civil and nice but agree with being causious too.

     
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