HealthBoards (
-   Relationship Health (
-   -   Back together too soon (

Moose2 01-08-2013 01:21 PM

Back together too soon
I'll make this quick.

Me and my girlfriend of nearly 4 years broke up in July. (She moved to a diff city) I was pretty angry, depressed, anxious and couldn't sleep properly for months. We started talking again a bit at a time then she basically felt horrible and said that she wanted to get back together. This was in November.

We got back together, spent Christmas together and things seemed to be going alright. At times it was weird because I'd look at her and still think "Wow can't believe you put me through all this stress" but I would never mention it because I was scared of upsetting her and didn't want to bring up the past.

Then one night we visited my grandmothers for her birthday and as we were leaving my drunk auntie basically gave her an ear full over what had happened over the past few months. I was mortified and had to pull my girlfriend away from her before I went ballistic.

We went for a day out recently and I was so paranoid. I felt as if we were both trying to be sensible because we didn't want to scare each other away. Then later on that night she wasn't responding like she usually would. i.e. kissing as we usually do. This made me super anxious and scared. I couldn't sleep too well and it's all I've thought about. She then went home and hasn't been too responsive to messages.

Phoned her earlier and we both agreed it felt weird, but we both love each other. She says she feels that she rushed the relationship (which I agreed that we did).

We agreed to take a break from seeing each other for a while (I wish I could see her everyday!) and give her some space to realise what she wants.

I know people say this is the start of a slippery slope but I guess like everyone in this situation, I don't want this to end. I love her with all of my heart and couldn't stand the pain of losing her again.

We both said that we will still be talking to each other and see each other on some days. She said she still loves me and said that this is just a break.

I'm terrified. I know I won't be sleeping well for a while now... :(

Anyone else ever rushed back into a relationship? Be honest please...

Kyraax 01-16-2013 02:15 AM

Re: Back together too soon
I've never been in that long of a relationship but I am in a long one, 3 years. I know the pain but in my opinion, if you love someone let them go but I don't know about long distant relationships... They work for some people.. if it were me I wouldn't lead you on making you think the love won't go away but in reality it will....if you truly love eachother you won't break up. Sometimes breaks can be temporary but then again permanent. Most people say if a relationship is needing a break it won't work ever again but there is a possibility. You need to speak with her and tell her how you truly feel and everything that worries you. Being far away not seeing eachother on some days are good but until you move in with eachother it might not work.. I don't mean to make you worry about your relationship with eachother but I am suggesting possibilities that you should prepare for. Next time you see her tell her. The biggest part of a relationship is honesty.. if you're not honest its not going to work. Trust is the next biggest part. If you don't trust her or she doesn't trust you it won't work and it is obvious the love isn't strong. (: talking solves a lot.

Moose2 01-16-2013 04:56 AM

Re: Back together too soon
Thanks for the reply.

Well we have speaking to eachother most days via social networking, just small chat though, nothing serious. I just want to give her the space she wants, the more I think about the possibilities the more I come to terms with what may happen.

I've also been taking Kalms, which help with anxiety and stress. They work!

It's my birthday today and she has sent me a card, phoned me and said happy birthday and that she loves me. Had a little chat about what we've been doing. The reason I haven't been bringing up the serious stuff is because in the last conversation we had, she said that she had been feeling a bit smothered. Which I understand, because we got back together and I had it in my head to make things get back to normal as fast as possible. Which was wrong.

I see it now, we rushed it. Gotta slow things down...

Thanks again for the reply

lenvegas 01-16-2013 11:51 AM

Re: Back together too soon
Hi, if your girlfriend says she loves you but wants some space, give her space.....give her all of Europe and Asia if she wants it. Your emotions hang on her every word and every action which is not healthy for you. You need to act like you are becoming disinterested ie. cutting phone calls short, ignoring e mails and texts, if you make her feel like you are not so available she will be more attracted to you. Ya gotta play the game. I've never lost a woman by being too mean....I've only lost women when I was too nice. Look, if she loves you she would want to spend every second with you, this give me space business is intolerable., just give her more space than she needs and you will be pleasantly surprised. I would not steer you wrong......lenvegas

Kyraax 01-16-2013 11:50 PM

Re: Back together too soon
Yes. Don't think of the negative possibilities it really eats you alive. Stay strong n slowing down works I know it does. I hope the best for both of you. (: && Vegas dude I don't think you should be giving advice. Females do not like the game it is not a movie. It's real a lot of males do it but what it brings to the female is thoughts of what you're doing behind their backs.. so don't play the game its not going to work.. (: no offence though.

Moose2 01-17-2013 05:41 PM

Re: Back together too soon
Right now I'm not too confident that this is going to work. Maybe I should just let her go. Nearly 4 years. She has new friends that take her on nights out now. I kind of feel like I've already lost her.

I don't think there is anything I can do.

Helen7144 01-18-2013 04:03 AM

Re: Back together too soon
[QUOTE=Moose2;5118899]I kind of feel like I've already lost her.

I don't think there is anything I can do.[/QUOTE] there's always something you can do, don't loss hope yet! if you love her then there's no harm is giving it a try one more time

Moose2 01-19-2013 05:26 AM

Re: Back together too soon
She keeps posting depressing lyrics. Can't help but think the writing is on the wall.

clara790 01-19-2013 07:42 PM

Re: Back together too soon
[QUOTE=Moose2;5119536]She keeps posting depressing lyrics. Can't help but think the writing is on the wall.[/QUOTE] that's really bad! have you tried talking to here about this?

Moose2 01-20-2013 05:22 AM

Re: Back together too soon
That's the thing, I'm supposed to be giving her space for a while and I don't wanna be bringing these things up.

I just analyse everything and think the worst... It's been 2 weeks since I seen her. Can't help but think this space thing is bad. How are we supposed to rebuild a relationship if we aren't going to see each other. But then on the other hand I seen her a lot during December and she did a lot of travelling to get here each time and she must of felt burnt out.

I just don't know. Uncertainty is killing me.

Moose2 01-20-2013 07:22 AM

Re: Back together too soon
Scrap everything.

She has dumped me.

"You know I love you, you are my best friend and I still want you in my life. I haven't been single for a long time (5 years, she is 21), the distance just seems too much and right now I don't want to have a boyfriend, I just want to be alone. I have the chance to live my life up here. I always feel as if I have to make you happy and it just seems like too much pressure."

Not her exact words, just what I can remember from the phone call.

She is calling me back later.

I can't help but think she will find someone else, but she said she doesn't want anyone. She just wants to be single. Swore down on her life that she doesn't want anyone else.

It's funny because, all my friends are either having babies, getting engaged, getting married. And there is me, losing the love of my life for the second time in less than a year.

You will probably be seeing me post on the depressed forums soon.

lenvegas 01-20-2013 08:35 AM

Re: Back together too soon
The way to get over one girl is in the arms of another.....get busy.

Kszan 01-20-2013 11:20 AM

Re: Back together too soon
Just because your friends are all getting married and having babies doesn't mean that you should be doing it too. I'm single and many of my male friends are married and miserable. They keep saying to me that if they had it to do all over again, they would never have gotten married in the first place.

This isn't a race or keeping up with the jones's. You have to live your own life and blaze your own trail. So things didn't work out with her, that stinks for the moment but you're not always going to feel this bad. It's a very temporary feeling after a breakup. You may have several other relationships that don't work out either, that's how life is. The most important thing is to live in the moment as much as possible and appreciate every experience that you have. Be glad you had those experiences and move on to the next thing.

I'm sure if you look back on this relationship when things started going bad the first time and you broke up you knew deep down that it wasn't going to work out when you got back together again. Ever since you got back together the handwriting has been on the wall the whole time but you chose to ignore it and continue. We all hope things will work out better but they usually don't when it comes to on again off again relationships. Take this experience as a lesson for your future relationships to not allow another relationship to keep going when things aren't working, to not break up then get back together because the odds of it working are slim to none, and whatever other tidbits you learned from this. Remember all of these things so you don't make the same mistakes again.

Moose2 01-30-2013 04:06 PM

Re: Back together too soon
Since things went weird again, we have spoken once or twice. She said I could see her for a little bit while she visited her family... If I wanted.

I just said ok. Then yesterday I went for a night out on the town with a friend and didn't get home till 4am. She asked me later on if I still wanted to see her but I said "It's probably not the best thing to do at the moment. I'll see you another time, stay safe."

I haven't had a reply since. We have't really spoken that much over the last 10 days. The way I see it is. If she really wants to talk to or see me. Then she can ask me.

Good days / bad days at the moment. Sometimes I just take it on the chin and realise there isn't really much that I can do. Other times I just think, God.. I am never going to experience anymore good times with a person that means so much to me.

Life. Lol.

sadgirl74 01-31-2013 08:21 PM

and you want to go thru that hell again like the first time ? hey man for real when a girl loves you and its real she wont put you thru that hell ever. ask your aunt for forgiveness asap. she was mad about how this girl treated you ! that means she loves you and you broke her heart. call her or send her flowers and make up with that family member. as for the girl. the sooner you move on the better. some real girl is out there waiting to make you happy and feel good in your life. go for her, why make her wait any longer ? this other suck majorly, forget her. or keep living this hellish drama over and over every day until you are sick again and not sleeping and in the hospital from stress and on anxiety meds. or move on feel happy and get a real woman. easy answer. sorry to be hard on you, but you need a real life answer. in real life we dont need to screw around with losers like this girl. i know you like this girl a lot, but do you like being sick and on sleeping meds etc all the time ? because thats where this going to asap all over again. she's starting all her old crap all over again. move on. or be sick and miserable. its up to you. live a real life. in real life people dont stay with losers, when we find them we let them go and find a winner. thats why some people are happy in their relationship and others arent. what group do you want to be in ?

and yes you will experience even better with a girl who loves you and is not using you or abusing you. just think how great it will feel to find a girl who fits this ? again let her go. a better girl is out there for you.

also kszan gave great info.. time to move on.. dont worry about kids etc.. just bc other have one doesnt mean you have to run out the door right this sec and make one. i know ppl who did and regret it bitterly. as a matter of fact be careful of that, when you meet the right girl to use protection etc, wait until the time or girl is just right ! it will happen !! give it time and be careful what kind of girl you pick out. where you meet her etc. that matters a lot. if you keep finding bad ones look elsewhere, a church might have great singles also. better than a bar or a drug club etc. you get what you choose in life remember that. if you get a woman from bar etc thats what you really get. a drunken girl with no values who doesnt respect you etc. you get the picture. go to where the nice girls are at. if you want a girl to respect you you and herself.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:34 PM.