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Quarter-life crisis, what to do?

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Old 02-24-2013, 05:10 PM   #1
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Quarter-life crisis, what to do?

I'm 24 and I definitely think i'm going through a quarter-life crisis. It's almost been a year since I started feeling that way... started around April 2012. I'm in a 3 1/2 year relationship.
I graduated from college twice, last time in June of 2011. I owe a large amount of student loan debt. Got my first job in September 2011. It was a good paying job, and my schedule was nice. After a few months I wasn't happy with my job, I was miserable, I couldn't sleep anymore and I just hated my job! So much for 2 diplomas and still not happy with my career choices.

During that time, I was also living with my boyfriend, who is also my age, in a house he just bought and we had 2 dogs, what more could I ask for? My family and friends considered it "success" and here I was unhappy. I thought I wanted a baby but when I saw both of my close friends have babies it freaked me out. I told myself "i'm not ready for this, I haven't lived my life yet!". It's not what I had in mind for my least not yet.

The relationship between me and my boyfriend wasn't going great, to me anyways. On the other hand he was happy, everything was going good for him. Our sex life was down going down hill. We had sex once per month, sometimes not even..I started feeling unwanted, unattractive etc. And of course I sat down and talked to him, I wanted to know what was wrong and he told how he felt..he said he was tired (he works a lot), our schedules were totally different and etc. We tried working on it but nothing changed.

So back in April 2012 everything just hit me! I felt I was stuck, I hated my job, financially not doing that great with my student debt and everything, I had no sex life and I got really scared of growing older and live like that my whole life.

In July 2012 I quit my job thinking that was THE problem for me being unhappy. But I was wrong, nothing changed, I think things got worst.

My boyfriend treats me well and everything but I think we both want totally different things in life. I want to travel but he doesn't want to. He never wants to go see my family 7 hours from here. We spent 1 christmas with my family during our 3 1/2 years. When I go out with my friends he never came with me, my friends are always asking where he is... I respect he doesn't like to travel and everything else he doesn't like but should I stay with him?

So this is pretty much it. I've been losing sleep trying to figure out what to do and I have no clue...I've been really thinking about moving away alone in a bigger city for career opportunities and live my life, see new things...Am I crazy leaving my boyfriend and the life I have here to go live in an apartment instead of a house? I'm so scared i'm going to regret leaving him but I don't want to stay and ask myself "what if?"

Anyone went through this or is going through this?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-24-2013 at 11:45 PM. Reason: Please read and follow the Posting Policy, thanks.

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Old 02-25-2013, 12:36 AM   #2
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Re: Quarter-life crisis, what to do?

I think what you are experiencing is more common than you think. Many of us follow a path that was pre designed for us as an extension of high school, on to college, and off to work. I know there are a high rate of college graduates that find their field of choice to be either over crowded, unfulfilling or downright boring after all the preparation to get there. Then you add a relationship that is very easy, but not the one you pictured since childhood, but is safe and looks good from the outside. You find yourself in a safe but stagnant life, that you have to decide if it is worth the leap into the unknown. If you never try it, you will surely regret your decision, while if you throw caution to the wind, disaster could be around the corner and last forever.

I think you owe it to yourself to venture out into the unknown, as the rest is already clearly defined. Yes, you could regret it, or you could find something you never knew was out there. Since you already know you can manage a routine life, with the house and the dog, the boyfriend and the job...what is unknown is limitless, un predictable and challenging. It could turn out fantastic, or you many need to change directions again. But you wil know you can do it, you can adapt and move closer to your image of what your life should feel like. Even if you fail, you will know you can stand up and try again.

What ever you do, do not rush into parenting, or into mediocrity. Flow like the river along the banks, where life brings you until you find that perfect place you wish to stop and plant roots. Keep your flower in bloom as long as possible. Rather than refer to it as a crisis, think of it as the next opportunity.

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Old 02-25-2013, 02:37 AM   #3
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Re: Quarter-life crisis, what to do?

You have to live your life, and if you don't do the things you want to do, and experience life the way you wish, it will eat you away over time. If you do leave, you will likely lose the relationship, but if you don't, it will still die, but slower. These feelings and longings will not go away. Even if it is just to "get it out of your system", it cannot be ignored. Grasp the mettle, go for it! Sera

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:50 AM   #4
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Re: Quarter-life crisis, what to do?

You should discover yourself and get out there and do what you want to do now, while you are young. Don't try to force yourself to do what everyone expects you to do. You will never be truly happy or fulfilled doing that.

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