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  • Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

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    Old 03-15-2013, 02:24 PM   #1
    cocoaxo716
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    Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Hey everyone, I just really need some outsiders opinions. I've only told my Mom & my Sister what happened. My boyfriend & I have been dating since August of 2009. We've lived together since November of 2011 in a nice apartment. He's 27 & I'm 26. Everything was great with us, so I thought. We both work full time so we hang out all weekend and we see each other for a couple hours every night since I get home from work at 8pm. We have sex about 3 days a week.

    The other night his phone was on the counter and one of his emails was opened. It was from a Megan Brown, and it said "Hi, I recently received an email from you. We should hook up." Then there was this website that was attached to it. The e-mail definitely looked like spam. I said to him, "What is that?" He said he didn't know, and he just opened the e-mail up. He said he gets those spam e-mails all of the time. Well, when he wasn't looking, I went to his sent email, and found some really upsetting news. I found 3 emails where he wrote to girls. This is what was said:

    1st email: My name is ----. I'm a male from Long Island looking for someone to have fun with. I'm just a normal guy who likes to **** more than others is all. I work everyday and have a gf but sex with her just sucks. I need some fun on the side. I've tried this before on line and never worked out. Not looking for a hooker either. I'm lookin for **** buddy plain and simple. Someone to be friends with too but nothing serious at all. Let me know what you think.

    2nd email: Hello. My name is ----. I've been with the same person now for almost 5 years and everything is great but the sex. I'm just looking for something crazy and different.

    The last email I saw was from a girl that asked him if he was interested, and he said yes definitely interested. She wanted him to verify myself through this sex offender website so she can be careful and make sure he's not underage. He responded he won't ever do that with a credit card over the net and that dudes that are desperate do that stuff. He said he just wanted to have some fun and sorry that it didn't work out.

    I was floored when I saw all of this. Our sex life to me is great. When I first questioned this to him, he denied it all and said that he never wrote any of that. I said how could you be in such denial, it's your e-mail address.

    The next morning he came in the bedroom because I kicked him out and told him to sleep on the couch that night. By the way, these emails were in the matter of 1 day, December 20th of 2012, 5 days before Christmas! He asked me if I was mad at him and I said of course I'm mad at you. You were willing to cheat on me. He said he would never go forward with it and he thinks that day we had an argument and he just wanted to be giddy and have a little fun on the computer. He said he doesn't even think he would go through with it because he couldn't hurt me like that. I said, you don't think you would go through with it? You should say, No I would never go through with that. Right around Christmas time he was saying how he wants to get engaged really soon. I questioned him also about how he mentioned in one of the e-mails that he tried doing this through that website before. He said he doesn't remember, and it was before he met that he tried doing this. He felt really bad about this whole thing.

    I asked him, do you think our sex life is bad? He said no. I asked him why he would want to find other girls to have sex with. He said well to be honest, around November you started gaining weight, (which I had, and I was really upset about it), and he was starting to become unattracted to me. I've lost 20 pounds since January because I was really upset with my weight and wanted to become healthier. I asked him, Oh so you're not attracted to me while we have sex and that's why you wanted to find someone else to have sex with? He said no that's not true, and he is attracted to me while having sex.

    He said he doesn't think that he did anything totally wrong because he didn't go through with it. He said he never cheated on me before and never could through with cheating on me. He says that he loves me and wants to be with me forever, get married and have kids. The whole rest of the day I was in a blah mood, and everytime he talked to me on the phone he would say, I'm going to hang up because you sound depressed and it's making me feel like crap. I said ----, obviously I'm going to feel like this. You were trying to find someone to have sex with and you responded back to 1 person twice, and in 1 of those e-mails you said you were def interested.

    My thoughts keep going back and forth. I feel like he would never ever cheat on me physically with someone else, but on the other hand, I feel like he would go through with it and cheat on me. He said stop being silly, everything is fine with us, you know that we love each other and I want to be with you for the rest of my life and I don't want anyone else. In those e-mails, he did say he had a girlfriend and everything was great with us except for the sex. Even though he didn't write that he was looking for an emotional relationship He claimed in the e-mail that he likes to **** more than others. He doesn't act like he wants to **** a lot. Having sex 3 times a week is not a lot. 3 to 4 times a day is a lot.

    I don't know what to do. Everything is great with us. My family loves him. He said that he doesn't even remember writing those e-mails and he deleted the posts the same day he did them because he realized afterwards that it was so stupid and he could never do that. Why would he respond to someone saying he was interested though after she asked him if he was still interested? All these types of questions are running through my mind. I am in love with him, and I can't stop replaying the e-mails in my mind and remembering what he said. Any replies would be much appreciated.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 03-17-2013 at 11:44 PM. Reason: Unnecessary info removed.

     
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    Old 03-17-2013, 08:41 AM   #2
    lenvegas
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Hi Cocoa, if you stay with this man you are going to have to overcome some major trust issues. Some people may disagree but I feel this is a major betrayal even if he did not go through with it. At one point he even tried to put it all on you saying it was because of your weight gain. When trust is broken it is very hard to get it back, even with the best of intentions. Could you tell us what your mother and sister said about your boyfriend trying to have sex online? A mom has your best interest at heart and will tell it like it is. Hope everything works out........lenvegas

     
    Old 03-17-2013, 11:36 AM   #3
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    So are you going to believe him or those lying eyes of yours? You have uncovered the truth behind the man. The only hope of cleaning up his mess was blown by the first lie of denial when you asked him about it. Good girl, you followed up. I assure you, this is not his first posting and take it from someone with a lot of experience with this issue... if you stay with him, you will get sucked into the black hole of trying to catch him, test him, find him and it will not go away. Cut your losses and run away, It is no reflection on you... If you stay with him, he has gotten away with it and will continue. Don't be played... every moment you stay with him will only cost you more of your dignity. Its a long, dark and dingy journey. I am sorry for you.

     
    Old 03-17-2013, 11:56 AM   #4
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    I think you need to accept the fact that the guy may have already cheated but he got caught. If I were you I'd go right now and get tested for every STD under the sun because you have no idea who he has been with, unprotected. You have no way of knowing but the fact that he has already lied to you doesn't say much for his integrity, of which he clearly has none.

    I don't understand this. You caught him red handed and had the email and everything as proof so why have you stayed with him since you found out? If it were me, I wouldn't care what lame excuses he came up with (and his were seriously lame), I would have been gone already. Why are you clinging to a lying cheater who has probably already infected you with an STD? I don't get it. It makes no sense to me.

     
    Old 03-18-2013, 09:15 AM   #5
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    i can't even read this whole thing......your relationship isn't great.....your boyfriend isn't great......he's a cheater and a liar......
    what exactly do you want to know? if you should stay with him?
    my opinion is NO......what's do you think?

     
    Old 03-18-2013, 03:25 PM   #6
    cocoaxo716
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lenvegas View Post
    Hi Cocoa, if you stay with this man you are going to have to overcome some major trust issues. Some people may disagree but I feel this is a major betrayal even if he did not go through with it. At one point he even tried to put it all on you saying it was because of your weight gain. When trust is broken it is very hard to get it back, even with the best of intentions. Could you tell us what your mother and sister said about your boyfriend trying to have sex online? A mom has your best interest at heart and will tell it like it is. Hope everything works out........lenvegas
    My sister at first didn't think it was him and couldn't picture him doing that. My mom said she didn't like that but if he apologized and didn't go through with it then forgive him.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    I think you need to accept the fact that the guy may have already cheated but he got caught. If I were you I'd go right now and get tested for every STD under the sun because you have no idea who he has been with, unprotected. You have no way of knowing but the fact that he has already lied to you doesn't say much for his integrity, of which he clearly has none.

    I don't understand this. You caught him red handed and had the email and everything as proof so why have you stayed with him since you found out? If it were me, I wouldn't care what lame excuses he came up with (and his were seriously lame), I would have been gone already. Why are you clinging to a lying cheater who has probably already infected you with an STD? I don't get it. It makes no sense to me.
    I plan on getting tested to be 100% sure. He keeps saying he could never ever go through with it and after he posted that he deleted it because he felt so stupid. He said he never ever cheated on me. He said he didn't think he did anything wrong because he didn't cheat on me. Ugh. This is so hard. We've been together for 3 1/2 years.

    rosequartz,

    Well I asked for advice and opinions.. Our relationship is great though besides me finding this out. Idk...im all confused

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 03-19-2013 at 01:18 AM. Reason: Posts merged.

     
    Old 03-18-2013, 03:42 PM   #7
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    You can do whatever you want. Stay or don't stay with him. But if you're asking how to stop being upset about what he has done and how to put it past you then I'm sorry but there is no magic bullet here. The normal human reaction to something like this is to continue being suspicious and to continue feeling hurt because of the betrayal. The only way to make that go away is to accept that it's over and break it off. But if you decide to stay, it will always be there in the back of your mind and it will always come up in your thoughts. There's nothing you can do to stop that.

     
    Old 03-18-2013, 04:04 PM   #8
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    I really feel for you, you sound like a very nice person and you are too good for this guy full stop.

     
    Old 03-19-2013, 05:42 AM   #9
    Waiting2011
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Cocoa, being confused is perfectly normal. But, your initial reaction was spot on. I reread your post and you said in email #1 he admitted to having attempted the online hookup site before. He has a history of this behavior.

    I hope that you can digest the fact that the person you have been so involved with is telling ppl that sex with you is no good. Perfect strangers. That is simple manipulation of others. Hoping they will be up to the task of improving his sex life b/c he is bored with you. Truth be told, I don't believe he feels that way. I've been told by male friends that the absolute worst sex they've had was still great sex. As I have heard before, it has nothing to do with you. You are totally separate from what he is trying to accomplish and he is his own priority.

    Trust me... guys like this want the best of both worlds. The security of having a steady and the thrill of the hunt. His manipulation of you was that he flipped the blame. It is YOUR fault for having gained weight, MAKING him unattracted to you.

    You keep replaying the emails in your mind.. and you will. But that is just the tip of the iceberg.

     
    Old 05-14-2014, 11:49 AM   #10
    cheychey1
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Hello im sorry to hear ur going thru this but i no this all to well my situation is bit different and i wish u could tell u just drop this guy and move on but i no its not that simple.but atleast u arent married to him or have children with yet.i was not so lucky on the other hand i met my man two years ago now and we got pregnant not soon after and i thought he was the most wonderful man ever well lil did i no he was gunna leave me only a month after our baby was born for some skinny drug addict because i had gotten really big with our son long stort short u ended up taking him back but of course it was only after i lost a good amount of weight.and there were still issues with this other girl.but finally when i feel like we were good i got ahold of his phone mind u he us very weird about his phone and i see hes on all kinds of dating sites and web cam pages and of course craigslist and i see him messaging a girl saying lets meet up abd asking for picture and u no what he tells ne when i comfort him thats its my fault and y did i have to mess everything up by looking in his phone.and in just trying ti find reasons to fight with him amazing right but i have gone thru abd found so many other things its horrific to think about so trust me i no what u mean when u say u keep playing it thru ur head and i left once and it was hard but not as bad as u think its just weird when u have been with the same person for so long and u dont want to let it go kus ur afraid but im telling u right now i wish i would of just stayed gone.so ny advice to u is move on now before ur in any deeper like children or marriage i wish i would of waited kus it be so much easier for me to just leave now.so again i say im so sorry ur going thru this i hope u find ur way.

     
    Old 05-20-2014, 06:33 AM   #11
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Guys tend to say I wouldn't do anything to hurt you... BUll CRAP!!!! Then why do they continue to do what they do... Plus he said sex with you sucks so that right there alone is enough hurt..
    Yes there is a lot of guys on there wanting sex while wife or girlfriends are away even guys wanting other men and they even say where to meet them at. Check it out .. It is so disgusting the way people have no respect or morals..

     
    Old 05-20-2014, 06:35 AM   #12
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    Re: Devastated - boyfriend wrote to girls on craigslist!!!!!!

    Guys tend to say I wouldn't do anything to hurt you... BUll CRAP!!!! Then why do they continue to do what they do... Plus he said sex with you sucks so that right there alone is enough hurt..
    Yes there is a lot of guys on there wanting sex while wife or girlfriends are away even guys wanting other men and they even say where to meet them at. Check it out .. It is so disgusting the way people have no respect or morals..

     
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