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  • unhealthy relationship with sister

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    Old 03-23-2013, 03:45 PM   #1
    acul100
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    unhealthy relationship with sister

    I wanted to share this problem as its really playing on me, I hope someone can help.

    From as long as I can remember, me (now 19) and my sister (15), have never got along. We used to argue constantly over stupid things, and my parents were sick of having us constantly fighting. Theres nothing unusual about that, lots of siblings don't get on. However, as we've got older, the bickering has evolved into a lingering undercurrent of dislike towards one another, where we try to distance ourselves as much as possible. We know we don't get on, so now we don't have to spend time with each other, we don't even try to make an effort. Its an extremely strange relationship. For instance, if she is watching TV in the living room, I would rather wait in the kitchen until she is finished than join her. Another example would be where I had to pick her up from school as my parents where out of town. We walked the whole way home without saying a word to each other.
    Its very sad, as I can't see it improving as move closer to leaving home.
    I have no idea how things got so bad, and I've tried healing to make an effort but it never lasts, or is reciprocated by her. Ultimately we hate being in each others company, and I have no idea why! Any advice/ insight would be much appreciated!

     
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    Old 03-23-2013, 04:55 PM   #2
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    Re: unhealthy relationship with sister

    My sister and I were a lot like your sister and you. We fought like cats and dogs, I loathed her and she knew how to push my buttons. I believe the distance between us was due to how my mom treated us; I was the black sheep and she the angel.

    However, there was a silver-lining; we grew up and became women instead of girls. We look at each other differently and get a long much, much better now. While I see you are in pain because of this rift between your sister and yourself, I think it may resolve to the point of civility once you are both adults. I hope that helps you.

     
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    acul100 (03-24-2013)
    Old 03-23-2013, 05:36 PM   #3
    pendulum
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    Re: unhealthy relationship with sister

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by acul100 View Post
    I wanted to share this problem as its really playing on me, I hope someone can help.

    From as long as I can remember, me (now 19) and my sister (15), have never got along. We used to argue constantly over stupid things, and my parents were sick of having us constantly fighting. Theres nothing unusual about that, lots of siblings don't get on. However, as we've got older, the bickering has evolved into a lingering undercurrent of dislike towards one another, where we try to distance ourselves as much as possible. We know we don't get on, so now we don't have to spend time with each other, we don't even try to make an effort. Its an extremely strange relationship. For instance, if she is watching TV in the living room, I would rather wait in the kitchen until she is finished than join her. Another example would be where I had to pick her up from school as my parents where out of town. We walked the whole way home without saying a word to each other.
    Its very sad, as I can't see it improving as move closer to leaving home.
    I have no idea how things got so bad, and I've tried healing to make an effort but it never lasts, or is reciprocated by her. Ultimately we hate being in each others company, and I have no idea why! Any advice/ insight would be much appreciated!
    I'm sorry for this. I think that only time and maturity, if anything, can help both of you (re)approach each other. Now that you are about to leave home, for College, I presume, healing may be on its way. You guys may start to look at each other in different ways, and the ice may be broken. I'm afraid I can't give you further advice, but maybe you could try small (anonymous?) silent gestures of friendship or generosity at home. Don't wait for recognition or gratitude. Just do them for inner satisfaction.

     
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    acul100 (03-24-2013)
    Old 03-23-2013, 09:13 PM   #4
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    Re: unhealthy relationship with sister

    Keep up the positive regard; never mind what she does. You cannot change her, only yourself. As the situation clearly bothers you, then do it for your own emotional well being. Also, it took years to get to this estranged point, it will take a fair while to build any trust. This is where you must be totally honest and in your own skin, not trying to get into hers. Good luck, Sera

     
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    acul100 (03-24-2013)
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